Johnnie Does – Page 8

Johnnie Does Yard House

I visited a fairly new establishment downtown about a month back, it is called Yard House.

First some background, Yard House was bought by Darden Restaurants (owner of Oliver Garden, Longhorn Steaks etc.) back in 2012 as a small regional chain in the Northeast and has been expanding ever since. Yard House is an American sports bar type establishment, and has a claim to fame of offering over 100 beers on tap at all its locations. I decided to check it out, what follows is my review.

Ambiance: Yard House is very similar to BJ’s Restaurant and Brew House in a sense they are both large open air establishments. Yard House has very tall beer glasses almost appearing like a bong on its doors…more on this later. There is a very large bar area, very large seating area, featuring booths and tables as well as a fairly large sized outdoor patio, covered and with ample heat lamps. The restaurant was fairly dark, not sure if it was because it was late (8 pm) or if this is done to set a mood. Hundreds of TV’s donned the walls in various corners of the store, all were set to music videos, and the accompanying music was being piped in via a surround system…it was a little loud. I assume if a game was on, or football Sunday, this place would be rocking. They had all kinds of random pictures on the walls, it is definitely a place one could hang out while sampling all 100 beers. 4.5/5; half a point deducted for having a picture of “The Chief” on the wall, apparently they wanted The Chief to do the food review not Johnnie Does!

Yard House wall features a likeness of “The Chief”

Food: Yard House has a menu that rivals Cheesecake Factory or BJ’s. In a sense, there is definitely something for everyone; however, I also view this as a downfall. The menu basically was typical bar food like fried mac n cheese or nachos, to regular items like burgers, wings and pizza to high end items like steak, salmon, and sea food pasta. While I am sure this works great as far as something for everyone, it is very intimidating, and how many people instead of “trading up” for an expensive dish, decide to “trade down” for cheaper dishes? The wings were great, and my burger was perfect; however, the mac n cheese sticks were cold. I think this is due to the extensive menu and trying to have cooks make all of said food. 4.2/5

Drinks: I tried 3 beers–they have a sampler platter you can buy for a nominal fee; that essentially amounts to wine tasting. I liked this since it’s hard to find something you like off a list of over 100 beers. I found one I liked and ordered a half yard….it’s the same size glass donning the doors on your way in!

A large amount of beer and while I finished it, I did not need 1 more that is for sure. Great selection, cool glasses, I would say 5/5.

Overall: The service was awesome; I really liked the beer selection, and cool ambiance of the place. Only couple quibbles I have are the extensive menu, which I think hurts food quality control, and stock keeping must be a doozy, and the place just seems too similar to other restaurant’s in the same competing space. I found it very similar to a BJ’s or Cheesecake Factory or Buffalo Wild Wings and the lack of differentiation makes it a place that can get “lost in the shuffle of other chains” such as Applebee’s, Chili’s, Outback or Friday’s. I just wish there was something different that made me want to return. That being said 4.5/5

I would most definitely return.

Conversations with the Naïve III

Wow, do we have a great one this week, coming live from Safeway in Elk Grove on a Thursday at noon.

While traversing the aisles of said grocery store, I was grabbed by an older lady, around 70. On occasion the thought of being grabbed by an older woman may have its appeal but this was no such encounter. This gal looked at me and said, “You look smart. I need to axe you a question.”
I said, “Your first strike is assuming I’m smart but go ahead, just don’t axe me.”
She looked at the pharmacist and said, “He looks smart right?” The pharmacist nodded in approval. The lady said to me, “Can you believe the shots for the flu are not free here?”
My response was, “Well, this is a business so I wouldn’t expect them to give something away for free.” She looked at me in total disbelief. I added, “Corporations are in the business of making money and I’m not quite sure why she thought it should be provided at no cost to her.” She looked like her mind was in a total pretzel, so I said to her, “Well by no means should I be considered a census of the store. Feel free to poll other shoppers here. Take care and good luck with your free-for-all.” Her last remark was she is going to Kaiser because they give out shots for free.

Holy smokes! There is a lot to unpack here but to keep it simple, this lady should probably not be upright, let alone free to terrorize our shopping centers! It reminds me of a store concept that went out of business by Panera called “Pay What You Think its Worth.” Yes, that same Panera, the group thinkers, thought, well people would pay more to subsidize the people who didn’t want to pay at all, and viola…wrong.

Panera Bread is closing up its last pay-what-you-can cafe in Boston, admitting that the experiment aimed to combat hunger was “no longer viable.”

Link: Panera Bread pay-what-you-can test ‘no longer viable’; last cafe closes in Boston

This lady, I mean, what the hell? Why would you get a shot for free? …Safeway doesn’t even advertise that. By the way this lady didn’t have a cart or basket so obviously she came for the free stuff only. This lady wants people to give, give, give, and she has zero intention of opening her purse! Say what you want about evil corporations, greed, and the like, but Safeway, through parent company Albertson’s employs thousands of people and is a source of their livelihood. Why would they just give things away, no strings attached? Sorry Robert Kraft, before you get too excited, the items with no strings attached here are groceries and shots.

People are completely unreal these days. The sad thing is, here in California, she likely found quite a few people to agree with her that it should be free. This type of thinking from her generation (Baby Boomers) has destroyed what is left of America. First they bankrupted Social Security and put Medicare on a very unsustainable tilt. Now they think everything should be free, but I’m sure the string attached is raising taxes on the working folks (err, the rich)…because they can afford it.

To people like this lady, corporations are evil, and should be driven out of business. Her ilk pay no attention to the number of people employed by said Evil Corporations. This person thinks Kaiser gives out shots for free; mind you….I guess she never became aware of Medicare or health insurance or well, just common sense? Sadly, the latter is in short supply these days.

Now her generation and their likeminded offspring want Medicare for all.

Free stuff for everyone. Isn’t that what our country is, “the land of the free?” The hidden secret is they want everyone paying in to keep the Ponzi going till after they expire then who cares. Perfect example, I pay $420 a month for healthcare. Imagine if the federal/state government got that action every month instead of Anthem Blue Cross?

Enough facts and logic, I would hate to confuse the naïve any further. Hopefully this lady didn’t have time to put out the bat signal in reference to the free shots because I guarantee you that 90-Day Guy and his ilk would have broken every land-speed record to get to their local Safeway.

Johnnie Does Firehouse Subs

Recently, I found myself at a chain restaurant called Firehouse Subs. I have visited this location twice, both unannounced. Here is my full report and experience.

The Firehouse Subs location that I visited was on Truxel Road in north Sacramento County. Upon walking in, a crew leader or watchperson calls out “12, 10…3..2..1”…..and every employee yells “Welcome to Firehouse.” This greeting is a copycat of Moe’s Southwest Restaurant. Frankly it is too much; especially since it’s called out each time someone walks in. When you dine at a chain restaurant and this kind of racket is breaking out every few minutes or someone is having a birthday and the siren goes off every ten minutes, its overkill. Stop copying the concept…. find something new.

Once you enter the place, you’ll notice that the décor is awesome. It’s all firehouse and emergency service: photos and gear like hoses and ladders. It looks like a firehouse!

Also donning the walls were copies of checks donated to the local firefighters and county sheriff departments; really nice touch. The employees were all gracious and dressed in shirts giving credit to their favorite sub…. pretty cool if you ask me. For the ambiance, décor etc. solid 4/5, just change the welcome to firehouse thing.

The menu board is semi-intimidating because some of the sandwiches have a firehouse/exotic name. Just to name a couple: Hook & Ladder, Engineer, and Firehouse Hero. Other subs have a standard/traditional name like turkey, bacon ranch, or meatball. The sub’s veggies can all be modified; you can even add/subtract things for no additional charge, unlike Togo’s or Subway where there is a fee.

All subs are served hot on toasted bread and warmed meat via a steamer but can also be ordered cold. The subs come in small 4”, medium 6”, and large 8” size, I ordered the medium both times and was satisfied. On my first visit, I ordered the Hook and Ladder which is turkey, ham, and Monterey jack cheese, which I was told comes “fully involved” meaning I get a pickle on the side in addition to my sandwich…nice touch.

You order, swipe, and take a seat, and your food is brought out to you in a neat little firehouse basket.

I devoured my sandwich, it never stood a chance. The sandwich was perfectly cooked, and the perfect temperature…..again, it never stood a chance. I found the warm bun and meat paired with cool veggies and mayo was right on point. The other visit I ordered the Firehouse Cajun Chicken which was cut chicken, cooked with Cajun spices, on a sub with hot peppers, onions and homemade Cajun mustard…..WOW, I loved it!!!!! 5/5 no question asked. Firehouse also offers soups, chili, chips, and soda, like most other sandwich places, I have yet to try the signature chili. There is also a hot sauce bar with roughly 30 hot sauce bottles all ranked 1-10, great touch. I tried several, came away impressed!

As far as price goes, the medium size subs are $8.99 which after tax puts you right around $10 which is the sweet spot for lunch. The price is a little more than a cheap Subway but less than a Togo’s and the flavor makes it very worthwhile. They offer a daily special like every other chain, have a rewards club, and have seasonal specials like the Cajun chicken sub for $5.55. 5/5 on price, very affordable and great value.

Overall solid 14/15

Bloggers note: On the 2nd trip to Firehouse, the regional manager from corporate was there, and I have to say it was a fairly awkward visit with him there. It was too bad really. I get it it’s a franchised operation and quality assurance must be made; however, this guy looked like Chuck “The Shermanator” Sherman from American Pie.

It was awkward. He did the strangest stuff during the lunch rush like pulling the ice dispenser in front the soda machine, taking photos and storing it on his iPad, or grabbing and squeezing every bag of chips…really weird. Firehouse needs to clean this up…. other than that, I love the place.

Yardhouse is next….

Conversations with the Naïve II

This took record time but in our second installment we already have a repeat offender. 90 Day Calendar Guy appears to want the title of most naïve person alive. This one is painful but here goes….

90 Day Calendar Guy talks himself up like he is some kind of savant when it comes to purchasing items online through various platforms like EBay, and Amazon.

He recently bought a Spigen case for his iPhone off EBay, and it showed up in the office today via USPS mail. I have never seen a grown man rip open an envelope so quickly, one would have thought it was A Publishers Clearing House check for life…it was a stupid cell phone case!

Publishers Clearing House Prize Patrol–how Boomers got rich before the lottery was legal

He put it on his iPhone and then sadness, the “parts that cover the volume and power buttons on the phone were hardened rubber, not flexible rubber.” He called me over, and was perplexed. This was real Spigen so how could it be defective? I told him, “That’s not real, it’s a cheap knockoff.” He rebutted saying, “Why does it say Spigen then?” I guess no one on earth is allowed to use that word except the manufacturer? Naivety folks….big time naivety.

Even worse, I asked him where he bought it from. He said he wanted to keep the money local so it was a local buyer. (For those who wanted to know return address was Zhandou, China.) I asked him how much money he saved and he replied about $5…. Yes folks, for the price of $5 in gas you can drive to about 10 cell phone accessory stores within minutes of our office! Oh and he would have acquired a real Spigen case, not a cheap knock off.

He took the case off, and tried to play it off as nothing. I taunted him with, “Hey you saved $5 though…keep it big picture.” I told him to file a complaint with EBay. His response…the guy had all 5 star reviews. (Yes moron, all from people like you who thought you saved a pant load) He logged into his account on EBay and said the seller had his account suspended by EBay…shocker, really stunned by that outcome!

Here is what makes this all that much funnier, he then took everything I said and called it his own for the rest of the day. Saying Trump needs to crack down on the Chinese for copyright infringement…..yes counterfeit Spigen cases seems like a good one for some international court. Then he said its EBay’s fault for allowing a counterfeit seller….again how can they possibly guarantee authenticity? Unbelievable.

Here is the issue, he needs to get his blinders off in regard to price… The man will literally run through traffic to catch a nickel rolling out of his wallet. It is hard to watch, but at the same time you get what you pay for. Anyone should have a spidey sense that goes off telling them something is not right, why is this product being sold cheaply?

Spidey Sense — that little voice in your head that tells you something bad is about to happen

Why is someone from China shipping to USA for free? The truth is the product was likely a cheap knockoff not counterfeit, and dude you bit the hook so hard you were the world’s easiest catch! You have never learned a lesson. You have also replaced your flat screen TV 3 times. I have had my flat screen longer then all 3 of yours have lasted… The reason, you are enamored with saving a dollar. You are the poster child for penny wise and pound foolish. Again this person spends hours of his time watching TV and searching the Internet….not a great look. Buyer beware! With the advent of the internet, the scammers can now take their game to untold heights, and they will continue to get away with it. But hey look at the bright side, you saved a couple bucks!!!!!!!

Unreal, but naïve people are out there among us, and some will never learn their lesson.

Conversations with the Naïve

Greetings fellow readers, we have a new series here starring Johnnie Does, he will be passing on conversations he has with naïve people regarding real life issues in our society. There should be no shortage of content since well…the naïve and hypocritical are everywhere. Let’s start things off with 2 conversations over the past week.

First off “90-Day Calendar Guy”

90-Day Calendar Guy happens to own a small business. Recently, he and I went out to lunch at a burger joint right near my office.

Let me back up. William and I talk about the 90-day calendar quite a bit, but as a refresher, it relates to the stock market and companies being required to report their quarterly results every 90 days. After said results are reported, the company will fire/raise prices/lower quality so next quarter’s numbers are better, innovation goes out the window in exchange for continued short-term gain. I call this local business owner “90-Day Calendar Guy” because he consumes at least 6 hours of CNBC, Fox Business, or Wall Street Journal daily! If anyone knows about earnings, the market etc. it’s him.

Now back to my lunch story…To set the scene, this restaurant is a quick service place, so you order at the counter, the menu is limited and your food comes out in about 10 minutes to your table. This place has 1 person work the till, 1 person to get the food to the table, and about 3 cooks in the kitchen. Our visit was during the lunch hour and there was a substantial line forming; we were about 7th in line. The line moved at a glacial pace. My colleague lost his cool, he started calling out to have the cooks come out and take orders….something they may not know/be able to do with our arcane food preparation laws. He proceeded to complain to the manager, because, well even though he owns the business and lunch hour could be extended at his whim, that wasn’t good enough for him. Our food came out later, we ate and headed back to the office. The entire time he could not believe what he just saw, saying they need to hire more staff or get a competent manager, I disagreed.

He could not believe my opposition to his ideas, so I hit him with knowledge that essentially ended it. I told him this is the 90-day calendar my friend and welcome to the real world. You love it when the numbers are good and when the numbers are bad you cheer cost cuts/layoffs, you cannot have it both ways!

Commentary

Here is the problem. You have a guy who feels he is more important than everyone else in the room. He must be under the impression that this small business operates similar to a Wal-Mart where you open another aisle if more than 2 carts are in line.

As far as his comments about getting the cook out of the kitchen, you obviously know very little about food safety laws, or maybe you just don’t care? Read some of the laws regarding handling ready to eat food, then touching a cash till or handling customer’s money, your head will spin. The fines are insane, and shutting down your restaurant on both a permanent or temporary basis are very much in play if you violate these laws. Don’t believe me, go to a Subway or any sandwich shop, you will see different people making sandwiches with a designated person working the register. As far as hiring more workers, he should know better, especially since “every penny counts during earnings!” When it comes to hiring staff, you must staff for the entire day, you simply cannot tell a worker to check in at 11:30 leave at 1:30, then see you back here at 4:30 and stick around till 7:00, this is not viable…maybe he thinks it is? Sure sounds like it. Good luck finding someone willing to work that schedule. Staffing is done, knowing full well between lunch and dinner hour that things will be backed up more than usual but he will be adequately staffed for the non-peak hours.

Simply put he doesn’t practice what he preaches or maybe just lacks any ability to understand basic economies of scale? Bottom line? He just flat lacks common sense. Oh by the way, later in the work day he remarked about a company in which he invested because they didn’t make their quarterly numbers and he wanted to see layoffs as the answer……you can’t make this up folks.

Next up: “Punish Them, Don’t Punish Me” guy

One of my customers–I’m an insurance agent–happened to be the unfortunate victim of a rear end accident causing about $1,500 damage to his car; no injuries, accident not at fault, no harm to rates. Keep in mind he was not out of pocket $1 as the other company accepted liability and paid the damages. Then he basically turned psychotic, and I mean that in the most honest way possible, he went off on me saying we needed to take her license away, keep in mind we weren’t the insurance company to pay out on this. Not satisfied with his answer he went all the way up to the office of the president, still not getting his desired outcome. Who does this guy think he is? By the way, he is not a member of law enforcement, or any branch of government who could demand action, this guy pushes paper at the lowest level for the state! This should scare almost anyone reading this.

To make matters far more interesting, he was involved in another accident 2 months later, him being at fault, in an accident causing injuries to another party. By the time it is settled, this accident will cost more than $20k when it’s all said and done.

When you think everyone else is the bad driver

Funny thing is he came in worried about his future rates. I said it won’t be as bad as he thought, but I said thankfully we have a policy of not revoking people’s drivers licenses over just 1 accident. He looked at me dumbfounded, then bestowed some of his “wisdom” on me yet again. Saying he shouldn’t lose his license because it was merely an accident….sounds similar to the person who hit him, am I right? He went on to say it would be a violation of his basic human rights…where is that in the constitution? Then he said, “I work for the State therefore I cannot lose my driver’s license.” I guess a class C License is required to push paper now? This guy really was something else to interact with.

Commentary

What did this guy really think he was trying to do? If you have an IQ north of room temperature, you have to know that an insurance company has no power to take away your driver’s license, we can cancel a policy, but we have to let the State know what that criteria is far before any action is taken. In addition, if you did take someone’s driver’s license away what makes you think they would obey that order? It is a common occurrence in Elk Grove to read the crime blotter and hear about someone being arrested for driving on a suspended/revoked license! The reality is people need a way to get to their work/school etc. now you want to take this away over 1 small transgression viewed as a civil matter? Again notice I said civil not criminal! Not to be outdone, when you committed the same infraction, you wanted to be exempt from your own consequences? How rich is that? Then he pulls the card that he works for the state? Like that somehow makes him someone who is above the law? DAFUQ?????

Final Thoughts:

Both of these gentlemen are over 50 years old, which makes them old enough to know better. These conversations while possibly funny, are downright disturbing. Both of these guys claim my generation, I’m 33, are destroying this country….funny thing is I can only think of a handful of Congressmen and maybe a few local elected officials that are my age, most are over the age of 50, even more are 60 plus.

Truth is, these are two of the worst offenders. One wants to hire more workers, pay them benefits, and play God in regards to their schedules when it suits management, yet terminate their employment when it effects the bottom line? The other says punish people by revoking their driver’s license, yet when he commits the same offense he is somehow pardoned?
I’m sorry I thought this was America? I guess this is just the land of the controlled and home of the Whopper? Worse yet, both of these men claim to be Republicans, and both claim they voted for Trump, yet I guess they have beliefs that are selectively applied? Both used to tell me the most dangerous place in America is between Sen Chuck Schumer and a camera, I disagree, I think it’s when these two morons are allowed to speak their supposed “beliefs.”

They claim to care about our country’s future, yet by their actions it is clear that they could care less. They have no problem knowing that their present lifestyle is subsidized by future generations; such selfishness by the “Baby Boom” generation is a frightening legacy. Sadly both have reproduced so we will be subjected to many more people who have similar inclinations of entitlement in the future.

Johnnie Does….A Blackout

Sunday January 6th, 2019, a date which will live in infamy. At the Johnnie Does residence I was innocently watching the conclusion of the Bears/Eagles game when the lights and all other power devices suddenly stopped working. The time was around 5:00 PM and since our electric utility monopoly recently switched to a time of use billing system, where folks pay higher rates between 5-8pm I figured my utility was doing me a favor.

Soon thereafter I realized the entire block was without power, was this a “rolling blackout?” I immediately called a friend and learned that he was out of power too. I then texted my parents, they live 5 minutes away, their power was on! I was dumbfounded so I went to the SMUD website, it showed no outages…apparently, I was living in the matrix. That or the Russians had hacked the SMUD power outage alert website. I thought death could be imminent since I was without power and Internet service, no one would be aware of my passing, I was experiencing a blackout.

However this blackout was a new experience for Johnnie Does, he is far more accustomed to the alcohol induced blackout. I remember those well from my college days of drinking copious amounts of alcohol, waking up having no clue who she is, or how I got home…oh sorry it’s a PG rated blog.

I hunkered down and waited.

Eventually, rain and wind knocked out power to over 130,000 people. Unable to cook due to a lack of power, I used my laptop to pass some of the time. At around 10:00 my parents called me to see if I was ok and invited me over, not to offer rations or even a place to charge any devices that run on said power, just to do a wellness check.

On my way back to my dwelling, I was furious at the inconvenience caused by the outage. I passed a CVS…this was the perfect opportunity; I contemplated doing what some of the homies do in Los Angeles and loot the place…hopefully I wasn’t the only one with this idea and the selection was not limited to just Vagisil and Monostat.

To my dismay, the lights and power were functioning there, so I ducked my head down and drove home.

I subsided on a diet of brownies, Tostitos tortilla chips and water from the tap. Batteries eventually died, and as a result I turned in to bed early around 11:00. Then I realized, the power outages are broadcast by the radio all over the county to anyone listening, so the bad guys knew where to go to loot! I grabbed my trusty weapon of choice and worked guard duty ‘til 3:30 am, I kept telling myself if anyone comes through the door, shoot ‘em all and let God sort it out! Out of power myself I eventually turned in without having to use said weapon.

I woke up to find that I was still without power…since I live in a “rural area” the priority is very low for restoring my power. I made due, lifted my garage and closed it behind me and headed off to my place of work…commerce continues despite adverse conditions.

Upon arriving at my office, I was greeted by folks offering really dumb suggestions like the following:
Why didn’t you grill your dinner last night? Well hurricane force winds?????
Why didn’t you microwave your dinner? Lack of power may have something to do with it

The power finally came on at around 4:00 the following afternoon, just in time for “peak electricity rates to occur” funny coincidence? I thought, “Get the **** outta here SMUD, that was weak!”

In the afternoon sunlight, my backyard looked like a war zone due to my 9 redwood trees dropping branches like it was going out of style. The only thing I didn’t lose during that blackout was my sanity. I was able to survive, but I will say this; given a choice between the two different types of blackouts: I prefer the alcohol induced one!

This concludes a real life experience of a blackout.

Addiction Claims another Victim

In this space, we have previously detailed about two everyday people’s struggles with addiction, now I want to write about a professional athlete who has thrown his life away. Josh Gordon is a current receiver for the New England Patriots of the National Football League.

The Patriots will be playing in the playoffs next weekend…Gordon will not be with them. He is suspended indefinitely and has likely played his last game in the NFL. On December 20^th of this year, Gordon wrote on Instagram that he was stepping away from football to focus on his mental health…. Well, it came out later that evening that he had failed yet another drug test. He will not play in the NFL again. While this blog will focus on Gordon, I want it to highlight how addiction ruined his professional career, and how it will ruin many more lives if not banned and criminalized again.

Gordon admitted to starting substance abuse in middle school. His drugs of choice: Xanax, Codeine, and Marijuana.

Codeine can be widely found in almost any cold/cough medicine, Xanax is supposed to be prescribed by a doctor, marijuana…. what can I say? It’s more prevalent than ever if you know where to look. Marijuana; ask anyone in law enforcement and they will tell you, it’s a gateway drug. Once you use it you get hooked, then you need more and more just to achieve a buzz, then you switch to more potent drugs down the line. Gordon claimed he took these to self-medicate for the following: anxiety, inadequacy, and adolescent based fear…hmm 3 things teachers are happy to diagnose so they won’t bring down the test scores more, and doctors are happy to prescribe medications too…more $$$ for them. It got to the point that he was using an entire bar of Xanax a day just to function…his teachers, as Gordon describes, “oblivious to his sleeping and drooling behavior shown during class.” His drug/medicinal use caused him to be expelled from two middle schools for stealing electronics from his peers. He earned a scholarship to a prep school in Houston but was expelled in the 10^th grade for marijuana usage.

He attended another high school and joined a gang. He carried and used a gun, stole merchandise, used counterfeit money and sold marijuana (there’s that drug again) to feed his habit. He admitted that he smoked weed daily and drank vodka from Minute Maid juice glasses IN CLASS! By his junior year, marijuana wasn’t getting the job done anymore so he used the following drugs: hydrocodone, oxycodone, and again Xanax. Part of the problem was Gordon was a gifted athlete, so he would always get a longer leash then a lay person. So, before every football game Gordon would mix Mad Dog 20-20 with fortified wine to see if he could play drunk. Sounds like a great teammate! Gordon admits his usage in High School became the norm…and only accelerated as he entered college.

Gordon was good enough to go into many Division 1 football programs but could only go to Baylor University due to him being on supervised probation for felony credit card theft at age 17.

Yes, folks he was still drinking, using drugs, and selling drugs while on felony supervised probation…in Texas no less. As a requirement of his probation, he had to consent to monthly drug tests, he never failed one…. reason being they never tested for dilution (drinking excessive water to cleanse out any trace of drugs). When he was a sophomore at Baylor, Gordon and a teammate were found passed out in a Taco Bell drive thru at 2 am, copious amounts of weed found in the car. While both players were charged with a misdemeanor, the charges were later dropped. I will offer this advice, if you find yourself at a Taco Bell after midnight chances are you are making bad life choices. Gordon admitted he was selling 6 lbs. of marijuana a week while at Baylor, making over $10k a month. As for him not failing drug tests…a coach helped him detox before the test was administered. Before his junior year he wasn’t so lucky, he failed a drug test and was suspended indefinitely leading him to transfer to a different school.

Gordon admitted that on his trips to Oregon, UCLA, USC, and Utah, he would smoke a bunch of weed, and pop Adderall. Even while picking out a new school to attend, Gordon could not be sober or clean. He decided on Utah, where he dabbled in cocaine and was taking Adderall daily. He failed a drug test, dropped out, and returned to Houston. He never played a snap at Utah. He continued using and selling back home while preparing for the NFL supplemental draft. This draft is for those who are not allowed to play for their college teams anymore due to grades, issues, etc. He was selected by the Cleveland Browns, even with all his baggage, he would now play at football’s highest level.

His first season he played every game. He must never have been drug tested because he stated he got ready for every game with a pre-game ritual of hitting a bong and drinking several shots of Grand Marnier or Vodka. Gordon said he needed to do this to start his body up, I guess kind of like starting a car, I guess? He would always miss team meetings and show up with bloodshot eyes, a tell-tale sign of being on a bender from the night before. The following year he failed a drug test and was suspended the first 2 games. Despite that, he put up huge numbers, making the Pro-Bowl.

After this season is where his life truly unraveled. He was arrested for DUI in the off-season and suspended 10 games for a failed drug test, his second. He played 5 games, suspended for the last for being too drunk to catch the team plane to the airport for their game. He failed another test and was suspended for the entire following season. He petitioned the league to be reinstated, during that period…yes, another failed test. He was reinstated and suspended another 4 games. Rather than returning, he entered rehab, a good choice on his part as it was clear he needed it. He did not play that season at all, and once again needed to be reinstated by the Commissioner in order to play again. He stayed sober for 6 months….so he decided to celebrate doing exactly what got him into trouble to begin with…. smoking weed.

During that same offseason Gordon was told that a court warrant was issued for him to take a court ordered paternity test. Gordon’s response was what girl? What kid? He later learned he was in fact the father. He literally smoked himself so silly over the course of his life he had no idea what this court paternity situation was all about. He played just 5 games the following season, because once again he was suspended. In the offseason he was traded to the league’s best team, the New England Patriots. He had to apply for reinstatement and was having a good season, until the 20^th of December, when he announced he was leaving to work on his mental health…. he in fact failed yet another drug test. In all likelihood his career is over.

Here are some various quotes from Gordon, after which I will add my commentary about Gordon and addiction.

“I stayed out late, but the thing is we had to be up in the morning for like a 7:30 a.m. team meeting,” Gordon told Uninterrupted. “I didn’t wake up until 10 o’clock, 10:15, coming out of a blackout. I’m getting a bunch of texts and calls, you know, from coaches, ‘Where you at? We’re headed to the tarmac already.’ I’m like, ‘Ah, s***.’”

“I found myself around the city of Gainesville just wandering, looking for a drug dealer,” he told Uninterrupted. “Looking for people on the street corner, whatever smelled like weed, somebody that looked like they had something, asking random people, knocking on like smoke shop storefronts seeing where I could find some stuff at. I was just looking for something, some type of relief.”

“If you fail a drug test, you know, this is over, they’re not going to let you keep playing,” Gordon said. “I never really took it serious. I thought I could keep on doing it and getting away with it and getting away with it.”

“I’ve been enabled most of my life honestly,” Gordon said. “I’ve been enabled by coaches, teachers, professors — everybody pretty much gave me a second chance just because of my ability.”

Commentary:
How do you feel now if you voted to legalize marijuana? Wanted sentencing reform? Said weed isn’t addictive? Claimed alcohol is far worse? The bottom line here is this, while Gordon may at some point finally own up and take the blame (this is entirely his fault), how many people that you and I rub shoulders with every day think he did nothing wrong? Victimless crimes?

Looking back, sure the teachers easily could have caught him under the influence in class. His parents, I don’t really know; he may not have had a father, or maybe they also didn’t care. But the bottom line is this, Gordon is an exceptional athlete, and he could not kick his addiction, and we are talking someone making millions of dollars. He earned more in a year than most working folks make in a lifetime! His situation was so bad that he could not even play without being under the influence of something.

Tax revenue from pot is great, however it’s like an Indian Casino; at what cost? Turning your citizens into addicts for the sake of revenue? Gordon is actually very lucky; most citizens fail one drug test at work and they are terminated on the spot and likely get a criminal referral sent to local law enforcement! Good luck finding any type of work after that. In addition, at almost any other workplace, drug tests are random and unannounced, in the NFL, lots of notice is required to be given and while the test is random, you are more than for warned, meaning there is literally no excuse for a dirty test. I am willing to bet good money that at the Gordon residence tonight he is either lighting one up in tribute to Bob Marley or drinking like a fish. One can only hope he sees the light and kicks the devil’s lettuce or that hopefully he invested the money well because his behavior won’t translate into the real world.

Keep in mind how real addiction is, at one-point Gordon missed 43 of 48 Cleveland Browns games due to suspension. Maybe we should re-think this business of legalizing drugs?

Johnnie Does: Side Burn BBQ & Brew

Editor’s Note: Johnnie Does is an irregular feature on this blog. Whenever Johnnie has a bone to pick with someone or something and just has to vent by writing about it, he sends it my way. Today, Johnnie presents a food review of a recent lunch at a Dickey-less BBQ establishment.

About a month ago, the Dickey’s BBQ in Elk Grove suddenly closed. It was strange. They were overpriced but the food was generally decent. I frequented the joint about 4 times a year. Truth be told—like any BBQ joint–it all comes down to how much people like your cue’ sauces. There are many different styles of BBQ and I’m not here to educate…so let’s get to the food!

I learned that the old Dickey’s was re-opening as a “Side Burn BBQ and Brew.” This was intriguing; I thought a new independent store was opening. I found out upon my arrival that the local Dickey’s franchisee Jared (omitting his last name) closed all 7 of his local stores (none were Subways) and started his own brand! Good for him!

I entered the venue and found it to be basically the same as the old Dickey’s. The only changes I noticed; no more ice cream machine, and all the references to Dickey’s were removed. Besides a fresh coat of paint and a menu board with a few changes, not much was noticeable in the differences department. The menu, however, was noticeably dissimilar with many new meat items added and sides as well, but the old Dickey’s concept was present overall; the board, large baked potatoes, meat plate combos, pre-selected meat sandwich combos, etc. The prices were similar or maybe even higher than the old Dickey’s…I found this odd; especially since the article I read about the re-launch stated that the change was due in part because the franchisee wasn’t making much $$$ as a Dickey’s owner. They serve BBQ burritos…odd, and only do tri-tip on Tuesdays, and beef ribs only on Saturdays. I don’t understand the burrito thing; I really don’t get limited choices available only on certain days. I get it when a store does a daily special or deal of the day, but limiting a menu item to one day a week seems misplaced. What if someone raved about the tri-tip, and on Friday night I swing by your joint and am told you only serve it once a week?

They are going with the new trend among younger people with the whole “locally sourced thing.” I think it’s a mistake, when people go to a BBQ joint I don’t think they care if their chicken is from a Vietnamese market in South Sacramento or one from MacLean, Virginia. They probably also don’t care if it was raised anti-biotic free or not. I am calling BS on a couple of these “local companies” Harris Ranch does their beef products; they are from Bakersfield, almost 6 hours away. I don’t call that local to the Sacramento area. The chicken is from Petaluma, so I’ll give that t them, but I don’t get the anti-biotic free and free ranged raised thing. The pork is from Smithfield Farms…yes the company owned by the Chinese and based in Virginia. Not local, also I know a local rancher who basically said they are bottom line in terms of quality. Max’s Bakery does their bread, they have a bakery in Fresno, but I don’t really care who bakes my bread, I’m fine with a roll from the local grocer or Sysco truck. Mi Rancho makes their tortilla’s, they are opening a factory in Elk Grove, doesn’t get more local then that! But how many burritos is a BBQ joint serving up? Silva Sausages are local, however they are very bottom end, Safeway will sell me a 4 pack of sausages, not on sale mind you for $4. Color me unimpressed.

I went with the pork sandwich with coleslaw, when asked if I wanted to add two sides for $5 extra I balked, the total ticket would have been over $12. My sando…I guess that hipster for sandwich was $6.50. My counterpart in the office ordered a two item plate, which came with two sides and cornbread or a roll for $13. He chose jalapeno jack sausage and brisket. Apparently they serve two kinds of brisket, juicy or dry, he chose juicy. For his sides he chose hatch mac and cheese, and red skinned mashed potatoes.

The concept is set up the same as Dickey’s; similar to a Chipotle except we had to order and pay first. Only one other person was in the store. We wanted to watch our food being assembled but we were shooed away which was interesting considering there are low counters conducive to being able to watch the sausage being made, pardon the pun. Our food arrived, we both looked disgusted….this was like being told you’re getting a filet mignon and out comes a Salisbury steak. My sando was a burger bun, no more than 4 oz of pulled pork, two Vlassic pickle slices and one red onion circle.

Notice the word circle not slab. I took one bite and immediately ran to the BBQ sauce and doused it. The meat was so bland and flavorless!

My counterpart’s dish was no better. His brisket was dry, and again in bad need of sauce, his sausage was a bigger joke, he got about 4 slices of sausage, cut diagonally to appear like a larger serving. The mashed potatoes were out of a box, guaranteed, no way those aren’t instant mashed potatoes found at your local hospital or retirement home. The mac and cheese was a bigger joke, it was Kraft for certain with a couple hatch chili shavings in it. His cornbread…well we don’t know because a roll came out instead.

Overall, without a doubt average BBQ, average setting playing pop music as opposed to country or western music. Prices way too high, and in general I was so unimpressed. It was only day two since they opened but as stated earlier only 1 other patron was in the store at 12:30, not a good sign for high lunch hour.

Best of luck, but I have a feelin’ ya’ll be closin’ soon,

Johnnie Does

Johnnie Does a Frozen Dinner

By Johnnie Does…

Greetings, if you don’t know me I’m actually a very good cook, as proclaimed by a former professional chef I know. Things took a rare turn this week and I felt the need to blog about it. As a Safeway club card member I received a free offer, or as the Blog Father would say…an offer I couldn’t refuse, for a PF Chang’s frozen dinner for 2 meal for a low, low cost of FREE. Free? Whoa! That’s weird! I perused the aisles and discovered about 8 choices for said free meal, there was a shrimp one (yeah no) an orange chicken one (basically panda express) nope, I finally settled on Mongolian Beef. The bag seemed small, but I returned to my dwelling, opened said bag and into the frying pan it went. Don’t know why it’s called a frying pan when it sits over a burner, but oh well, away I went. I took a gander at the ingredients; and was pleasantly surprised; beef with sweet and savory sauce, onions, string beans, and red bell peppers not a bad combination at all. I immediately recognized the beef, string beans and red bell peppers, I didn’t understand the odd brown blocks that looked like Lego’s. After a few minutes of cooking it all came into focus, the sauce was frozen into the Lego looking bricks.

After about 15 minutes in a “frying pan” again…whoa that’s weird, the meal was ready and transferred to a plate. I was not able to obtain the brown almost bamboo esque plate in the “serving suggestion” on the front of the bag, nor was I able to acquire the fancy looking chopsticks, so a generic white plate, and a small fork were used. All my large forks were in a cleaning device most call a dishwasher.

The meal was actually very good, sauce was great, the string beans and bell peppers had a nice crunch and great taste, the beef was right on point. I would go a solid 7.8 out of 10 on this meal. Again not an everyday staple but an every so often when the girlfriend or wife is gone and I need something quick and easy (other than a hooker) I would buy this one.

My big drawback was the meal is that it’s not big enough for 2, it barely fed me…….Blog Father will collaborate my story I’m an average looking (besides the face for radio) 6 foot 200lb man… and it barely fed me. Which is fine, but the branding of a meal for 2….unless you’re feeding Lindsay Lohan and yourself epic fail. The cost when not free didn’t seem too out of line, $8.99 for the meal. Every so often I see Raley’s advertisements saying $5 on certain Mondays. 310 calories per serving, which means 620 for me, because I ate the whole meal, not complaining, but yeah I would go for it again.

Johnnie Does

San Francisco coming this week.

Johnnie Does Drug Addiction

By Johnnie Does…

Addiction is a horrible thing, it changes people right in front of your very eyes. This is a real life account of 2 friends I’ve had to say goodbye to in the last 5 months. By saying goodbye, I don’t mean they are no longer with us, quite the contrary, but they may not be with us much longer if they continue following the same trajectory they are on now. I’ve had a relationship with the Blog Father for about a decade now, and he can attest first hand I am by no means perfect, and share his traits of being a slower learner, I am also very trusting, which led to my downfall.

The first is a former girlfriend of mine. We dated for over a year and a half, including her living in my house. We got along great and shared many similar beliefs. It was almost too good to be true…because it was.

I made clear when we began dating that I have a zero tolerance policy on any type of drug. I don’t care if California says it’s legal. She claimed to understand. Things were great at first and then things got weird after she broke her foot. She instantly dropped her two night college classes and took a semester of unpaid leave from her job working at an elementary school.

This seemed pretty drastic as the Blog Father or myself would be expected to report to work within hours of the cast being set. I felt bad for her and let her sleep in the other bedroom on a futon and have her own bathroom. I screwed up.

One day I was cleaning my house and was going to clean her bathroom next. Once she understood my intention, she got off the couch, ran by me using speed that would make a prospective college football recruit jealous and declared her bathroom off limits to me. Whoa! That’s Weird! I relented, blaming myself saying I should have asked. I figured that it could have been a feminine thing she was worried about me finding…again I was wrong.

One night I was up late doing laundry (my laundry closet is located next to her bathroom) when my eyes started burning and I was pretty much sobbing uncontrollably. I thought I might be going blind but it turned out to be nothing. A few days later I came home from dinner with a friend, and with bladder at maximum capacity, I used her bathroom. I noticed a pink pipe and marijuana on my counter, in my house! She declared it was her mothers and produced a text message saying as much. Her mother wanted her to buy product off a co-worker. Sounded plausible, and her mother told me she was known to crank the hoon every so often, I mistakenly believed her.

One night I returned home from work late (9 pm) and was greeted to a locked garage door and when I obtained access via my key, the front door flung open and someone ran out, it was her. She claimed she had to put something in her car, looking back on it, likely weed. In her haste, she left her journal out on the table open faced that night and I decided if it’s open then the perception of privacy is gone. I was stunned at what I read. The comments were primarily about doing weed brownies, edibles, smoking, and vaping, pretty much everything I said no to at the beginning of our relationship. It was like a pre-pubescent rebellious teenager only she was 27.

I called her out and she denied everything saying its things she desired. Again she reiterated that she has never done any of that since we dated. I believed what she said in spite of the evidence. And yeah that’s like strike 9 for me. Again, I’m a self-admitted slow learner. Well things continued to get worse and she finally walked out.

A couple weeks after she moved out, my mother was helping me get my house in order. She began cleaning the bathroom used by my ex when suddenly, mom screamed. I ran in to see what had distressed her and she said, “What is this pile behind the toilet?” It was a pile of weed, likely 6 inches in height, and a foot in diameter. Liar.

While gathering the debris left behind by the ex from my house, I picked up a box of feminine napkins and as I set it down I heard a clank; yep, a glass pipe found inside. Never smoked huh? I undertook a painting project later and painted the spare bedroom she used for a few months. When moving the bed, I found a large pile of ashes from her smoking weed. Literally, feet from carpet, and highly flammable bedding, also feet from a CA required smoke detector, conveniently located in each bedroom. Yes that is right, she was cranking the hoon just feet from a device specifically designed to detect said smoking. Then the big one was this past weekend, I cut my finger on a mirror and reached for a band aid, and found a vape pen. My trust had cost me, I was a fool, unreal.

Commentary: concerning my ex
You could have a great future; but you need to get your life’s priorities in order. You have no money after the 20th of each month due to your addiction. You had no bills or obligations while living here. You even shared in your journal that you crank the hoon with your co-workers at lunch. Hopefully this isn’t true because if it is you are felony stupid. That behavior is still illegal around schools and your dream of being a teacher will go up in flames faster than your next joint. You are living a lie and are in need of a reality check. You possess no degree or full time work, this is due to your own laziness and addiction. I know you read this blog and I will now tell you something that should upset you far more than anything else. You wanted to get married and that dream was going to become a reality. I was set to speak to the Blog Father during lunch together somewhere (I consider him a spiritual and personal mentor) and ask his guidance. If he signed off, I was fully ready to ask your father for his approval and then ask for your hand in marriage. You made the job easy, congrats. Quit cranking the hoon, grab a book, maybe read it.

The second example involves a friend of mine closer to 80 than 60. We met through church and are both in a religious group. I have known him for 15 years, maybe more. He has a serious drinking problem, specifically the grape. I would be remiss to say I didn’t share a few nights having more then I probably should but for this guy it’s a way of life. Things for him have deteriorated quickly over the last few months. He had to have serious leg surgery and thankfully he didn’t lose his leg, but he was rendered pretty immobile and unable to work. So I helped out, even going as far as going across town to get him food with nary a thank you or sign of gratitude.

On my last visit he stated he needed food and was hungry. I told him I’ll have Safeway deliver groceries and said I would even pay. I asked, “What do you want?” He answered negatively. I didn’t quite understand this. He insisted on me picking him up on my lunch break and taking him to Safeway. Keep in mind the closest Safeway to him is 20 minutes away, his house is 25 minutes from where I work and I have one hour for lunch. The math doesn’t work out.

It was during this time that I found out who I was in his life, the errand boy, also known as another term for a female dog. I told him “No” so he found some other sucker to do the job; this person also is a friend of mine. My friend drove him to Foods Co 30 minutes from his house, to get 3 items, yeah you read that right 3 items.

Around July 4th our church was having a fundraiser selling a hot dog, chips, and a soda for $5 to benefit the church. Sure as the sky is blue he called me and said “shut up and listen” Whoa! That’s Weird! “Get me 10 hot dogs, no buns, chips, and a couple sodas. Tell them it’s free for me.” Yep, next level arrogance there. Keep in mind I attend service at 7:30, nowhere near 12:00 when said BBQ was going to be going on. He knows this. But like anyone with an addiction issue, it did not deter him. He called me later that night. I sent the call to voicemail. I was done with him. He started “crying” on the phone saying “I’m hungry, and you need to help a fellow brother in need” “Where are the hot dogs? I need food.” Yeah, I never retrieved said hot dogs. It was a fundraiser not a take advantage of us opportunity. Sorry dude. No pay, no play.

He called me the following Friday during my lunch, leaving a voicemail, saying you need to leave work early, get me food and just explain it later to my boss. Yeah I would get terminated instantly for cause, all for what? He saw me at a meeting (a church one) and had an ear to ear grin, saying hey dude, I want some of that good wine (I’m the head bartender at our events) I poured him a glass, and told him leave me alone and to get bent. He didn’t like this one bit.

Some background on this guy. He rents a house and sublets a bedroom. He has gone through no fewer than 10 roommates in the last decade, getting along with none of them.

He called me later that night, and again the following 2 Sundays leaving voicemails each time. I finally decided to call him and extend a little courtesy, so I did. He answered saying he went to church and asked God for forgiveness and that I should forgive him as a result, keep in mind no apology or change in behavior on his part. Then he claimed he was joking when he called me about the hot dogs. Yeah I told him no he wasn’t. He claimed he was drunk when he called me saying to leave work early, the voicemail is time stamped 12:15pm, that’s starting very early, by anyone’s standards. He then changed his story and said he has been on medication. Ummmm that’s a felony stupid reason to drink.

Realizing he was going to get nowhere with me he has decided to do what any bully tries to do, force me out via proxy. He has contacted some leadership in our group and is trying to convince them I’m not worthy to lead. That’s right, I own a house and recently cut a deal to be a part owner of a small business. Yes I’m the one with no leadership skills. His biggest accomplishment in the last 10 years is his recording 2 DUI’s, demonstrating that he has as much credibility on the leadership issue as Geoffrey the Giraffe. Here is his “chief issue” with getting me removed, I hold the #3 leadership position in this group and sadly for him I am universally loved by all members of this 257 member group, including our 2 priests. The leadership is 100% behind me, and I don’t think anyone really likes him.

Commentary: Concerning grape man
The book has pretty much been written about you already. You are in your last chapters of life. Put down the grape. If you lack the willpower to do that at least don’t start before 4 PM. It’s made you a shell of your former self. You would rather get ripped than just have a good time. You need serious help.

We went to a BBQ and you proceeded to grab 6 samples of hokee poke ahi tuna off a sample platter. Dude, take 1 or maybe 2, but 6? At the same BBQ you demanded your burger be cooked medium rare. It was a frozen patty. Dude I’m pretty sure that’s impossible and then you barked at the poor guy grilling like you were a drill sergeant. God bless him, I would have thrown the burger in your face and told you to eat poop.

As for your demand to get 10 hot dogs, just think about that for a minute……maybe a minute more. Yeah super unreasonable and to do it through proxy nonetheless. Letting the messenger look bad not the source, classic bully move. Rebuild your life. It won’t be the same but learn to accept people for who and what they are. Telling someone to leave work early because I’m hungry or saying I asked God for forgiveness so you need to forgive me is behavior straight out of the Devil’s playbook. I tend to be suspicious of folks that claim to know what God’s will for my life is especially when they didn’t get the beam out of their own eye first.

Learn these words, “I screwed up. I’m sorry. What can I do to correct this?”

Most importantly come to grips with this: you have gotten at least 2 DUI’s in the last 10 years. At your stage in life, you should be a wise and honored person in our congregation but the master you serve is on tap, you know better. You need to own-up to your problems and deal with them. You behave more like a Pharisee than a follower.

Final Thoughts
Addiction is bad, really bad. The Blog Father will second my motion saying legalizing “the hoon” was a big mistake in California. We will look back on this one day as the opening of Pandora’s Box. This will lead to the destruction of many lives. My advice to people who have loved ones who struggle with substance abuse, try to be there, but it’s not your job to ensure sobriety. Most of all, understand you need to let go. You cannot change people with substance abuse issues and don’t let them guilt trip you otherwise. Walk out of their lives like I did with my friend. Or maybe consider the health effects. Hey ex, you mentioned having kids was very important to you, have you looked at the direct link between cranking the hoon and infertility? Your eggs may not be fertile.

Maybe if you’re a junkie, or know one and you’re reading this blog, google Shaun Weiss arrest, he played Goldberg, the goalie, in the mighty ducks a movie from my childhood. He was around my age in that movie, Take a gander folks, he is 48 going on like 88.

Johnnie Does………out