Author: Johnnie Does

Dickey’s BBQ is a franchised BBQ concept headquartered in Dallas, Texas. They spend a ton of money advertising on cable calling themselves “real, Texas, BBQ.” They had a store in my town….it shut down, re-opened as a Side Burn BBQ, which I aided and abetted in their shut down (RIP). Now they have found a new sucker to re-open the store in the same location! So, without further ado here is the review.

Ambiance: When you walk into the restaurant, they yell out “Welcome to Dickey’s.” I found this weird because no one was there, sans one lady who ordered a large takeout order of sliders for her office.

Dickey’s, like everyone else, is trying to copy Moe’s Southwest Grill concept with the whole “Welcome to____” when anyone walks in, very unoriginal. Anyway, after walking in I saw one guy who was assembling the women’s order who was in front of me, the other two workers were just staring at me like I was a co-star in the “Invasion of the body snatchers.” I stood their statue like, jaw jutting out in deep thought “maybe it was a union shop and the other two couldn’t cut the meat?” Did I interrupt their break at lunchtime? Who knows?

Finally, Micaela asked what I wanted. I guess the union break was over, so I ordered the $3 pulled pork sandwich. 0/5 Literally I have seen a morgue with more ambiance.

Food: They offer BBQ faire like that found pretty much everywhere. The menu was pulled pork, brisket, chicken, ham (wtf??) ribs, spicy cheddar sausage, and polish sausage. They also offer an abundance of BBQ sandwiches like I ordered, as well as side dishes, salads, and baked potatoes. But as far as this being unique to Texas or anything…it stinks. Like literally there is nothing special about this joint. Why would you advertise Texas in California, a state that literally hates everything about Texas, without it somehow being better in flavor, portion, and quality? 1.5/5

I ordered the pulled pork using my coupon for $3 BBQ sandwich. Knowing this was likely a loss leader, I figured I would help them out and order a side of waffle fries for …. yeah $2.50. WOOF. My pulled pork was pulled from a warmer vat (not a smoker or a warmer) and the girl squeezed all the juice with her gloves. She reassured me this is how it was supposed to be made. I was born in the South and I know BBQ, this girl is either retarded or dumb, frankly you can choose.

Overall: Here is the kicker. Remember my coupon for the $3 sandwich? The staff didn’t honor it. I even showed them the digital coupon on my trusty smartphone. Maybe I am blind, but it would stand to reason when someone gets a digital coupon from corporate that the price would be honored. It wasn’t. I was charged the full amount of $6.50 for the sandwich and $2.50 for the side. I paid because, well you cannot fix stupid and I would rather these 3 idiots remain employed rather than collect unemployment. The gal told me she would bring my sandwich and fries out together after my fries were cooked because that way, they were fresh…. bad idea.

The sandwich was cold and dry, and the fries were cold…weird because they were “fried fresh.” The sandwich was somehow worse. It was dryer than dry. Like Mojave Desert dry…I had one bite and a couple of fries. I voiced my disappointment and the crew did not care. I left and when I returned to the office, I had a sleeve of Oreo’s for lunch. 0/5

This place stinks, it stinks, it stinks, it stinks. Legit Texas BBQ? Yeah, I guess not. I am certain my pulled pork was bought at the Safeway down the way, no chance they have a smoker in shop. The BBQ sauces they claim are homemade? I saw a delivery of sauces with a national name brands on them…not original, sorry. The shop was empty and it’s not hard to see why. The service is god awful and the food is a wild mashup of store-bought microwaved trash. Maybe try being legit and buy a BBQ or a smoker? Southerners everywhere must turn their noses up at this. Microwaved BBQ is what Yankees do!

Once, safely back at the office and stuffed with Oreo cookies, I complained to corporate and soon after, the franchisee called me and asked to have a meeting with me…I suggested maybe somewhere with authentic ethnic food like Taco Bell? He has been begging me to give it another try, and I have declined. He told me they pit smoke their meat every day for several hours, I guess Barney Fife and Col. Klink are minding the smoker? I feel bad for him because the food was bad and his employees stink…almost as bad as the food does. Long and short of it, save your money, because you will either get horrible food, or be overcharged for horrible food.

This place stinks….as Jon Taffer would say SHUT IT DOWN!

Johnnie Does

So, I saw a wild window advertisement at a Pizza Hut around the corner from my office…new Cheez It pizza.

Yeah, my neck almost broke it snapped so quick. I entered the store and inquired, because well…like who wouldn’t? The counter guy said it’s actually a stuffed Cheez It pizza…like that makes it better???? He told me you get 4 squares of stuffed Cheez It in either cheese or pepperoni and cheese. The squares are about 4 inches by 4 inches, comes with a side of marinara sauce, because…well why not. Sells for about $6, which I guess is not terrible if it comes with a side of ER visit/ambulatory transport.

So as far as the review…yeah, we aren’t trying this. We value the gift of life too much to be aborted by this abomination. Like literally, we should protest both Planned Parenthood and Pizza Hut! This atrocity is going to kill a lot of children! Nothing says obesity in the USA than a F***ing stuffed Cheez It. Like the rest of the world is innovating…hell, even friend of the blog Elon Musk is trying to innovate…and Pizza Hut is stuffing Cheez It into pizza???? We put a man on the moon (allegedly) we fought and won world wars, we built the infrastructure in this country….and now we are stuffing Cheez Its???? I’m sure the greatest generation is proud.

What are we even doing anymore? This is literally crazy; I know we are about to storm Area 51 this weekend, but this could be even more outrageous.

This dish has to have like 90 billion million quadrillion calories, in just 1 square, let alone 4! Oh, and the emergency side of marinara, you know…just in case. Take that back, its likely the healthiest part of this dish.

Worry not though if you consumed this beast, you can likely cancel your colonoscopy as I’m sure your colon will be found to be in fine condition.

Lastly, word has it that the military potential of another food with the shelf life of a Twinkie is being investigated by survivalists in suburban areas cross America’s heartland. If this pans out as expected, look for Pizza Hut ads on the Glen Beck show really soon.

Johnnie Does

BTW Someone get Troll a date with Hope Hicks, he hasn’t been heard from lately and we think he is giving up Hope.

Ok, so I have gotten a reputation as being both very complementary and also very ruthless. You cannot and will not pull a fast one on Johnnie Does. In my short time as a food critic, I have shut down a restaurant (Side Burn BBQ) as well as provided people with key lunch advice like the Burger King tacos; ask the Blog Father, he tried them after the advice of Johnnie Does!

However this article is an updated review of Ariana’s, the Mediterranean joint where I ordered my chicken gyro bowl, seasoned with Frank’s Red Hot. As you may remember, I gave them a 0.0, and it was well deserved. I don’t think they use Franks in the Middle East and authenticity counts. Anyways, I found myself back at the scene of the review Friday at lunch. I figured since it’s a small business, I will give them another shot, most businesses are not this lucky.

I ordered at the counter again and asked for my food spicy, just like last time. I also asked the young man what sauce they use to spice the chicken….he dipped his head and said the following. “We were using Franks Red Hot sauce. It was not authentic. We were made aware of a food blogger calling us out and he ripped us, so we now have our own in house hot sauce, scratch made, and seasoned with authentic spices from Afghanistan.” I would do a humble brag but I’m pretty sure that was me who they read, it certainly wasn’t that moron from the Sacramento Bee who is a total loser. Seriously the Bee changes their food critics like I change my drawers, daily!

Anyway, I took my seat and patently waited. It took 20 minutes, but my bowl was loaded, tons of chicken, some basmati rice, cucumber, tomatoes and a lime. The sauce was yellow orange almost mustardy look, and it was amazing! WOW. The heat was great, and the spices were fire! Johnnie Does even broke a sweat, he could barely finish.

Amazing, wonderful change of pace. The counter guy came to take my dish and he asked if it was good? I asked how they knew about the bad food review and where they read it. He said a close friend of the family Googled Ariana food reviews, and this blog called reallyright.com came up and a Johnnie Does food review was brutal. He said it was a real kick in the face, a small family business and we missed the mark. We felt terrible. He called us out on our carelessness. Then I doxed (revealed) myself. I told him I am Johnnie Does. He looked defeated and I told him this is great. The sauce is wonderful, the portions plentiful. New updated score 4.3/5.

Very solid, please patronize this place and support a local small business.

Johnnie Does

Editor’s Note: I was shocked and surprised to read this post from Johnnie Does in my email last night. I found it inspiring and read it to my wife. I guess a visit to Ariana’s is in our future and hopefully your.

By Johnnie Does

Spaghetti is a very heavy food and not usually a lunch option, but since the Old Spaghetti Factory is right by my office I decided to take the plunge, as usual we tried it twice. (OSF) is a small family owned business that has grown to 45 stores from its humble beginnings in 1945 by Guss Dussin. Here is the review.

Ambiance: The one near my office is a standalone building that looks like any other strip mall type venue, large, concrete and somewhat uninviting. If you want a really cool scene check out the downtown Sacramento location. The interior is very cozy with a décor reminiscent of being on a train car. The booths have Tiffany lamps and also quite a bit of gleaming brass which sets a nice tone. In one part of the restaurant, there is even a refurbished trolley car you can sit in and enjoy your meal. However, at 12:50 in the afternoon, during what should have been peak lunch time, the place was empty. When you walked into the restaurant, instead of the aroma of food, you could smell the Windex used to clean the place. 1.3/5 Disclosure: I have gone by this place during dinner hours and it seems very busy, so your experience likely will differ.

Menu/food: This is your standard Italian-American faire. Once you are seated by the hostess, you are greeting by a loaf of bread and some butter, and the menu is basically spaghetti, pasta, sandwiches, and salads. They put tons of different spins on their pasta with sauces that include: clam, garlic, Alfredo, meat, meatless, mizithra (brown butter), and pesto. I ordered the spaghetti and meatballs with red sauce, it also came with a salad, I choose creamy pesto dressing (balsamic was the only other option).

The spaghetti was standard noodles with red sauce tasting very much like Prego scooped over it. The plate also featured 2 very large baseball sized meatballs. The salad was bagged salad from a local grocer and the dressing was ladled over it as well. I was not impressed with this at all. True Italian food, the pasta and sauce are mixed together in a bowl, not just tossed on top, the meatballs were ok, but very large and you almost feel cheated just getting 2. Generally, the plating was unimpressive.

As mentioned earlier, I come back a second time and will share the reason in the conclusion when I ordered the mizithra pasta. It was very interesting to say the least, much improved and I’ll average the scores call it 2.2/5. I would definitely order this again if I come back, it was a very good cheese/butter taste.

Overall: The Old Spaghetti Factory is not much to write home about; just standard Italian faire from a decent non-chain place. I would recommend avoiding the spaghetti and meatballs; however, I did thoroughly enjoy my other meal. The price point for lunch is around $10. OSF claims great food and fast food prices. The bizarre flex here was I asked my server what the best thing on the menu was and she pointed me toward the spaghetti with meatballs, after finishing and paying my check, she shared with me her favorite is the mizithra?????????? HUH? That’s a weird flex, sweetie, you probably would have gotten a decent score if I had that meal first. 1.75/5 I don’t think I will return.

By Johnnie Does

A passerby on the street approached me saying, “You review food for that website…. I need to know who has better tacos, Burger King or Jack in the Box.” I have never been to either establishment, nor could I believe tacos would possibly be on the menu, so I declined. This person insisted, saying “the champ needs to weigh in!” I reluctantly agreed, I figured this person was the “chief blogger” since he looked homeless and who knows, maybe these tacos were like filet mignon, so off we went.

For comparisons sake, we went on separate days, on an empty stomach drinking nothing but water. Here is the review!

We will only be scoring the tacos here, as the ambiance frankly was god-awful. In all honesty, if you find yourself in the drive thru at either establishment; hopefully, you’re in the passenger seat under the influence of something, or if you find yourself inside, hopefully it’s just to find a bathroom. If neither of these apply; well, seek professional help ASAP.

The Burger King was up first. According to the nice young lady behind the counter, they just recently introduced these tacos. I had seen an ad for them on TV where they said they were similar to Los Angeles type tacos. Such a claim is bananas for a company headquartered in Miami to say but oh well. The taco was $1 so I ordered two figuring I wanted to get a decent taste. They actually were decent sized, and for a buck I could not complain. I waited about 8 minutes so they were definitely made fresh.

It had real beef, likely from a burger patty, shredded melted cheese, hot sauce and some lettuce. The lettuce was very translucent and some was brown, so I picked it off. This was actually good, the hot sauce was a great touch, likely covering up lower quality beef, and the shell was deep fried–I’m sure with the meat inside.

Jack was up next.

The tacos at Jack are kind of a cult like offering, they have been around forever and are something Jack is known for. Unlike the King, Jack is headquartered in San Diego, CA. Jack offers up 2 tacos for $1.19 so it made the ordering easy. I didn’t wait long so it did come off that they were pre-cooked, frozen, or something.

They were very similar to the King, slightly smaller which is to be expected at a fraction of the cost. They contained an odd looking meat paste, lettuce, hot sauce, and a Kraft single slice of cheese. It was deep fried like the BK taco. It was comparable in taste to the BK taco, and the lettuce was fresh for sure.

The verdict: based on taste alone, without a doubt, the King takes this round. The lettuce was definitely not good, but it wins out fairly easy. Do yourself a favor next time you are stoned and have the munchies, find a few extra nickels in your pocket or under the seat cushion, hit up the King, you won’t be upset. Jack’s meat paste thing was just a major wtf.

PS for those of you asking why I didn’t hit up a legit Mexican joint…we don’t do that here at Really Right, we march to our own drummer. But since you may want to know, Blog Father and I prefer Del Taco because it has Spanish actually in the name and the fare is very, very, tasty for a fast food joint. Taco Bell on the other hand, I don’t trust a Mexican Phone Company to make a good taco, so I wouldn’t know. Also, any Mexican place with “run” or “runs” in their slogan should probably be avoided.

Next up, Johnnie Does Urgent Care for high blood pressure.

Johnnie is not a big Hawaiian food guy, but he stumbled upon this little joint, L&L Hawaiian Barbecue, right near my office and I figured why not. I’ve actually been there several times over the past 2 months, so this is an all-encompassing review.

Ambiance: This place is cozy and very small, call it 8-10 booths inside. There is some outdoor seating however since there are several food shops it’s kind of a “food court feel” at a local mall outside. You order at the counter and they surprisingly have an extensive menu for a small place. You pay and they give you a numbered receipt and call your number to return to said counter and pick up your order. Being greeted by the counter staff with “aloha” as you walk in is a great touch. 4.25/5

Food: They offer chicken, pork, beef, all cooked Hawaiian style, as well as burgers, Spam, and shrimp/fish. I settled on a “mini” chicken plate. The plate consisted of 3 chicken thighs pounded flat, teriyaki BBQed and served alongside 2 scoops of rice a scoop of their famous macaroni salad, and some green salad. All this for the cost of $6.50 plus tax.

If I were to order a “regular” plate you get bigger scoops of said accompaniments, and 2 additional slabs of chicken costing $8.50. However, for an active 33-year-old, I find the mini plate very much filling. The food was great, wonderful Hawaiian teriyaki chicken, the macaroni was delicious, however, it was like eating an entire pizza calorie-wise I am sure. It was great, everything tasted good and I have even tried other menu items. 4.5/5

Overall: It is a very small place, they are a franchise nationwide; that being said, the food was amazing. I liked that you could see the kitchen from your seat, and the wait for the food gave an impression of being cooked when you order, not before. Everything was top notch; the photo does not do the food justice as they mistakenly subbed out the mac salad for extra rice…. but still a solid place. So solid Johnnie Does has become a regular and can say the BBQ beef and the burger are solid choices as well. 4.3/5

Johnnie Does