Johnnie Does Pizza Hut “Stuffed Cheez It Pizza”

So, I saw a wild window advertisement at a Pizza Hut around the corner from my office…new Cheez It pizza.

Yeah, my neck almost broke it snapped so quick. I entered the store and inquired, because well…like who wouldn’t? The counter guy said it’s actually a stuffed Cheez It pizza…like that makes it better???? He told me you get 4 squares of stuffed Cheez It in either cheese or pepperoni and cheese. The squares are about 4 inches by 4 inches, comes with a side of marinara sauce, because…well why not. Sells for about $6, which I guess is not terrible if it comes with a side of ER visit/ambulatory transport.

Cheez It pizza squares

So as far as the review…yeah, we aren’t trying this. We value the gift of life too much to be aborted by this abomination. Like literally, we should protest both Planned Parenthood and Pizza Hut! This atrocity is going to kill a lot of children! Nothing says obesity in the USA than a F***ing stuffed Cheez It. Like the rest of the world is innovating…hell, even friend of the blog Elon Musk is trying to innovate…and Pizza Hut is stuffing Cheez It into pizza???? We put a man on the moon (allegedly) we fought and won world wars, we built the infrastructure in this country….and now we are stuffing Cheez Its???? I’m sure the greatest generation is proud.

What are we even doing anymore? This is literally crazy; I know we are about to storm Area 51 this weekend, but this could be even more outrageous.

Green Pride at Storm Area 51 rally

This dish has to have like 90 billion million quadrillion calories, in just 1 square, let alone 4! Oh, and the emergency side of marinara, you know…just in case. Take that back, its likely the healthiest part of this dish.

Worry not though if you consumed this beast, you can likely cancel your colonoscopy as I’m sure your colon will be found to be in fine condition.

Twinkies have a shelf life so long they allegedly will survive the Zombie Apocalypse

Lastly, word has it that the military potential of another food with the shelf life of a Twinkie is being investigated by survivalists in suburban areas cross America’s heartland. If this pans out as expected, look for Pizza Hut ads on the Glen Beck show really soon.

Johnnie Does

BTW Someone get Troll a date with Hope Hicks, he hasn’t been heard from lately and we think he is giving up Hope.

Please follow and like us:
Wordpress Social Share Plugin powered by Ultimatelysocial