Sears Corporation will be filing bankruptcy as early as Saturday, or as late as Monday morning. Sears is the definition of a former retail/corporate powerhouse. Look at some of these companies that used to be a part of Sears: Dean Witter, Allstate, Discover Financial, Morgan Stanley (later merged with Dean Witter), Orchard Supply Hardware (OSH) AKA (rest in peace, liquidated 2018) spun off: Sears Hometown, and Sears Canada in 2015. Wow look at that list! In its heyday, (think 1960’s) Sears sold everything from toys to hardware, to mail order houses, now its circling the drain at ramming speed. What caused all this death spiral you might say? Well a series of poor decisions that began with the ill-advised merger with Kmart in 2004. This is because while Sears competed in the middle to higher end, Kmart catered to the lower end customer seeking value and low prices. A fatal mistake is Sears began cross selling its most valuable brands in Kmart stores such as; Craftsman, Kenmore, and Diehard. By doing this they cheapened their brand, and due to needing to sell the product at a lower price had to cheapen their product.
Craftsman was a very trusted top of the line name in the tool category, they also came with a lifetime guarantee if it broke, by the way, it was actually good for life, not a certain number of years. As a young child, Craftsman tools were a large part of my father’s childhood. He and his father would always be working on or fixing something with Craftsman tools in hand. He always told me he could count the number of times a tool broke on one hand and usually have 3 or so fingers to spare. When it broke you simply went to the local Sears and presto, no questions asked it was replaced. No such luck anymore. The tools are made of cheap material from China that resembles the graphite found in a number 2 pencil. There is a reason they are sold at discount prices, they break with ease. Similar to when you hire folks from LaborReady or whatever they are called now, if the directions call for 1 wrench you better buy 3. Oh, and getting the tool replaced…get ready to gear up for a fight over that “lifetime warranty” means. Cheap crappy tools.
Back to a central part of this blog, the real reason for bankruptcy is CEO Eddie Lampert.
Eddie Lapert
If you are thinking the same guy who runs hedge fund ESL investments, your right. Lampert has never run a retail business, he just knows how to buy lots of stock in a company, force changes, and cash out when he makes a tidy profit; think Buffett, Icahn, and Nelson Peltz.
Lampert has actually been running a liquidation sale over the last decade to tell you the truth. He is a hedge fund guy, the only thing they know how to do is monetize assets and suck every dollar out of a company as humanly possible. Lampert inherited a company which albeit was struggling but had 3,500 stores, the company now has 700, planning to close another 150, keep 300 open and decide the fate of the other 250 in due time. This is too small a footprint to compete, more on this later. Lampert over the past few years has spun off most of Sears property (the ground/building) not the name into a different company to monetize its real estate, spun off Lands’ End into a stand-alone, mostly inside of Sears stores business, selling Craftsman to Stanley Black and Decker (by the way now available at Lowe’s, Home Depot, and pretty much everywhere). He also has loaned the company money through his fund ESL investments. By doing this he can charge a corporate bond interest rate think 8-12%, so he can suck more money out of the company. Lampert may own quite a bit of Sears stock, but he is very wise, shareholders are last in line in a bankruptcy, the banks are close to first, his loans essentially make him a creditor, and thus he will get most of his money back. Now here we are today, with Sears owing a $134 million dollar debt payment October 15th, they have no way to pay it. Enter Lampert again; offering to loan the company the money to make the payment, in exchange for Kenmore and several real estate plots the stores currently sit on. Sounds like a pretty good deal for Ole Eddie. The board is contemplating this, and I think they won’t go for it.
The moral of the story is this, we here at ReallyRight.com don’t like to see anyone lose their livelihood or see stores close but Sears hasn’t been relevant in at least 15 years. Honestly, they got rid of the Christmas (or is it Holiday) Catalog, likely to save money, bought a chain known for selling cheap crap with Blue Light Specials, and viola, it’s over. Cheapen your core brands to the point no one wants them or make it so they are now available anywhere not just exclusive to your store. In addition, ask yourself this question, what can you get at Sears that you can’t get cheaper elsewhere? Or better yet what do you go to a Sears to buy? Sears is the new Toy’s R Us, except that when it goes out of business it won’t be back, rumor has it Toy’s might be risen from the ashes like a Phoenix. It doesn’t help when you have a blood sucking hedge fund manager out only for himself who owns and runs the company.
As a homeowner in Sacramento County, I live in an area “served” by the “Sacramento Municipal Utility District” (SMUD). This is our local monopoly providing electricity to well you guessed it, Sacramento and a couple surrounding areas. What we have here is a government created monopoly, if you live in SMUD’s service area you must be hooked up to a SMUD electric meter and receive a bill from them each month. Just to be fair, SMUD does have pretty low rates compared to the other major electric providers here in California, and I’ve never had any service related issues in my three years owning my house.
Now to the point of my article, every month in your billing statement you get a couple small fliers (usually 1/3 of a page) stating they are filing for a rate change. This flier is written in such legalese that no common man can reasonably ascertain what is being said, so as a result you wait for a commercial or some sort of article saying what is happening to rates. Newsflash, they never go down. Similar to your credit card company, when they claim the reward benefits are getting better for you, do not buy it. In this case SMUD got very creative, saying peak rates will increase (5-8pm) and all other rates will decrease. What is happening here is rates will go down for the seniors, the stay at home mom’s, and for folks who telecommute or work from home. Every other group gets absolutely soaked under this new plan. Oh, if you didn’t read that little flyer, rest assured, under the new rates, the electric rate you will be charged between 5 to 8 PM triples from what you were paying!
Think about it, when do you do your cooking? Dishes? Laundry? Watch the latest series of Survivor…yep all between 5-8 pm. So, your bill is going to go literally up in flames. As far as the discount, well when you are working what electricity is being used while you are away? Your fridge? That’s fair, but your other appliances are either off or EnergyStar ® certified so likely not using much if any power.
The bottom line here is this type of government rule (I know utilities aren’t government but are governed by Public Utility Commission) have created a monopoly and really took away choice from the consumer. I am going to use a perfect example of what allowing competition does. I do not watch much television anymore, but when I do, I’m usually inundated with insurance company advertisements. I mean literally you could see 10-15 commercials per hour for these products. I kid you not: the Lizard, the ditsy brunette, the discount double check, the quirky professor, Esurance, the Liberty, Liberty, Liberty company, and Dennis Johnson hawking Allstate. However as much as I loathe the ads, that’s one heck of a lot of consumer choice right there. This way if a company loses its way; price, service or product quality, you are free to go and send them a message via your wallet. This is not true with our government created utilities that eliminate competition. The utilities have full control over you and the rates, case in point? The only way you can refuse service from them is not paying a bill and having power shut off, and to restart service you will be paying a large fee and back penalties with interest.
Is it just me or are the Clinton’s and their “ilk” like the stink you get when you don’t shower for a couple weeks? You know it just doesn’t go away? Because that’s what her merry group of degenerates have turned into. Earlier it was Jimmy Carter, they unfroze him to parade around regarding a special election in Georgia…no word on if Carter appeared in Georgia USA, or Georgia near Russia, but I digress. Then it was Carville, he hasn’t been relevant since he played Judge Doom in who framed Roger Rabbit! Oh wait, that wasn’t him? Well have you seen Carville and Doom in the same room ever? I rest my case! Maybe Hillary should have heeded his advice: It’s the economy stupid! And don’t forget about healthcare…instead she forgot about the deplorable. No word on if Carville considers himself a deplorable…he looks like one for sure.
However I digress, this blog is about Hillary and once again like that stinkin’ that doesn’t go away, she reared her very ugly face Wednesday regarding Judge Kavanaugh, saying “people need to take each of these situations on their own merits” and “their should be due process for everyone involved.” Puke! Oh wait now it makes sense Kavanaugh was nominated by a Republican, and all white males have raped women regardless of how great the witnesses are. Heck take Joy Behar (D-Really retarded) word for it.
No I think I would rather take Juanita Broderick’s word for it, since she accused William Jefferson Clinton of rape and was shot down by Hillary. Check out these tweets, Broderick literally body bagged Hillary Wednesday.
“She grabbed ahold of my arm… and she says with this very angry look on her face… ‘do you understand everything that you do?’,” Broaddrick said. “At that moment, I felt she knew [about the alleged rape] and she was telling me to keep quiet.”
Then Paula Jones, another Clinton accuser came in from the top rope!
“It’s really unbelievable if [Hillary] said all women have a right to be heard… Why not me, Kathleen [Willey] and Juanita?” Jones asked.
The Chief doesn’t even have to have any hot takes this blog is already on fire….someone call the ambulance! Tell them bring body bags!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
One more time, hit them with some pure genius Carville:
James Carville dismissed Jones by saying that anyone would seek litigation if “you drag a $100 bill through a trailer park” — and how that sentiment was shared among Democrats.
Oh my goodness, white hot take from someone so ugly Barnum and Baily’s Circus won’t hire him! Frankly anyone seen animal crackers lately, Barnum and Bailey even let the animals out of the cage he is so ugly! Remember Obama banned cruel and unusual punishment! By the way Carville just to correct you, its not called a double wide if you park your old rusted-out pickup next to your single wide! In fact if I drug a $100 bill threw a trailer park I would likely catch your wife…trying to get away from you!!!!!!
Back to Hillary..I’m glad you have come full circle and want to hear women accused of rape, actually The Chief agrees, all women should have their story heard. Unless of course it is trash as brought forward by this idiot professor who I won’t even name. These actions also “allegedly” happened 30 years ago, so even if it did happen the statute of limitations is up. And why won’t she testify, everyone knows teachers and professors and far superior to the unwashed masses? Because it never happened. This is Hail Mary thrown up by a desperate politician who has seen poll numbers tighten going into this upcoming election. Congrats on getting re-elected Feinstein, I guess you want to finish your time on earth working against Trump.
PS why haven’t we heard form Paul Begala lately? Is he the latest Clinton associate to “commit suicide?”
PSS is there anyone else who believes me regarding this meme about Ruth Bader Ginsberg?
Wow that escalated quickly. After blowing week one to the Los Angeles Rams, you follow that up by sharting the game against Denver by losing by a last second field goal. Jon Grudenwho by the way will be making 10 million a year for the next 10 years, win, lose, draw or be fired; still coaches the team. Looks like he is going full Back to the Future driving the DeLorean in reverse. Glad the Raiders fell for this “charming sage’s” line of garbage and not my Bucs (they are 2-0 by the way) glad to see Gruden screwing up elsewhere. Derek Carr, the quarterback, which by the way I want my quarter back, actually all four of them this past week! This is a trash fire of epic proportions. Glad Gruden blamed both loses on a lack of a pass rush…you traded Khalil Mack for a couple first round picks and several Hooters gift cards you charming idiot!
Actually rumor has it Gruden was 20 deep into a 50 piece of boneless wings at halftime man, the heck with halftime adjustments; it was honey BBQ Sunday man. Dang, I hate it when I run out-a napkins.
D-Fence less Raider coach Jon Gruden
In the aftermath of the loss, Raiders went full Raider Nation bringing back weed aficionado Martavis Bryant back on a one year contract a couple weeks after cutting him. Rumor has it he failed a drug test and is now appealing. Hey dude, don’t hold your breath for that to go away. How California. Bringing back a player who has a weed addiction, to a state that legalized it? Blog Father help me out here, is it illegal if he’s “cranking the hoon” and still playing in a state where it’s “legal”—allegedly, I will add. Kind of sad you guys didn’t trade for Josh Gordon of Cleveland on Monday, he would likely fit right in. During 4 years in the league he has failed more drug tests than games played. But then again, he would actually be a good match since most Raider fans have missed more days at work due to positive drug tests and hangovers than any other team, so he would fit right in.
By the way, Khalil Mack has been a beast for DA BEARS who by the way are 1-1 compared you’re 0-2, sorry Raider fans it’s going to be a 3-13 year. Get a good look at charming sage Jon Gruden again…….also Mark Davis still looks like Jon Gruden microwaved leftovers.
The Blog Father okayed overtime for The Chief, mostly because he needs more money to support his family. Here are some quick hitters in the news from the past 24 hours:
The Las Vegas/Oakland/Reno/Henderson/Los Angeles well anyway the Raiders traded their only good player on defense for a couple first round picks. How did the last time you traded for two first round picks end up? Oh wait… The Chief’s favorite team the Buccaneers beat you in the Super Bowl…so betting advice, take “Da Bears” to win it all. Glad you guys are paying coach Jon Gruden like a billion million dollars over 10 years man….because you traded your only defensive player that could play for like nothing man. Why am I saying man, all the time man? Because that’s how Gruden talks man. Also you guys y=traded for AJ McCarron man…he’s got a hot wife according to Brent Musberger man…….he even ogled her during the national championship game man! Rumor has it you cut back-up quarterback Connor Cook because he never understood the only play in the Gruden playbook of “spider 2 Y banana.” I should probably say man….man. In reality I heard McCarron can inhale a 50 piece at Hooters in about 4.42 seconds ….man!
By the way Mark Davis still looks like Jon Gruden microwaved leftovers…..man!
In addition I heard the Oakland/Vegas Raiders cut weed aficionado Martavis Bryant, rumors leaked to “The Chief” say he failed another drug test…personally I would blame it on the CA wildfires….man! Or maybe because you are in Oakland, blame it on second hand weed….man!
In other non-sports news…we have William Jefferson Clinton….experiencing high levels of excitement!
Clinton; spotted sans Hillary (which is normal for him, when excited)…and again we aren’t sure they have slept in the same bed more than once btw!
Wow…Bill I’ve gotta hand it to you, not needing to pull a Bob Dole, you are always game for a cute chick.
Hopefully you “enjoyed” Ariana Grande….or were you jealous of this move made by a bishop?
Note Jesse Jackson on the left in this photo
Anyway enjoy these photos folks.
“The Chief”
Editor Note: I did get this on Saturday but was out of town when The Chief sent it; thus it wasn’t posted until Sunday.
Lanny Davis used to be a special counsel to President William “I do weird stuff with interns and cigars” Clinton. As such, he was charged with defending the president at all costs against everything he was accused of, like any good attorney on retainer would. In fact, in a very sad attempt to stay relevant following the re-election of George W Bush he published a book and went on tour to promote his tome. One stop on his tour was the University “The Chief” attended when he was a freshman. At first, buying a ticket and his book was required by the faculty (after all the school was in Marin County), but then it wasn’t. As the blessed event drew near, tickets were given away for free so I decided to go. In addition to a free ticket (the event was held at my college) I was able to obtain his book for free. Scandal: How Gotcha Politics is Destroying America. Retail was $24.95 in USA, $32.95 in Canada, thank God I didn’t go to school in Canada, why would I pay $8 extra for the same book? Are these the Trump tariffs? Oh wait, this was 2004.
I was even invited to meet the speaker…again for free, he was so in demand. He walked over to me and started a conversation, we talked shop a little. He was likely triggered by my Bush Chaney 04 shirt I had on. I don’t think he really cared who I was supporting. Turns out his son is Seth Davis of CBS NCAA coverage fame. We found common ground and talked for a while about him. Like any proud father he talked, talked, and talked some more about how great his son was…….Barf. Commentators are a dime a dozen, and especially those who work like 2 months a year tops and are the definition of replaceable. But that is okay. He showed me about 5 photos, his son looked the same in each one. Finally, just as I was wishing I was wearing the “Drunken Jedi’s backpack” he was told to get ready to get on stage. My prayers were answered. I took a seat in the auditorium; it was deemed a sell out by Raider Fan standards… about 70% empty. He actually gave a good talk, basically referencing a sitting President screwing up and the other side immediately moving for impeachment, that rings true in the last 3 administrations by the way.
Lanny Davis: the man, the myth, telling legends
However this blog isn’t to talk about that speech. “The Chief” specializes in hot takes, so here you go. Lanny Davis has a history of being the angry white male while on camera. As you may recall, Lanny Davis was angry on election night while a guest of CNN…what else is new on that network. The Clinton regime sticks together or else… Maybe Davis felt he would be next in the scores of Clinton “confidants” found to have “committed suicide” (I will use the term “allegedly”) had he done any different. Surely its coincidence that those “suicides” seemed like foul play was involved; however, with the Clintons, it’s best not to leave the reservation. Clearly, William “the intern seducer” Clinton wouldn’t have had anything to do it himself because he’s too busy entertaining.
Bill “can you wag your finger and have no shame” Clinton
Anyway, Davis went off the deep end the other day regarding Donald Trump…who by the way is still the President. He went postal so badly that it should have resulted in a 5150 hold. He claimed President Trump knew in advance about a meeting in Trump Tower with Trump’s campaign and the Russians. Well literally on the following Tuesday, Davis back peddled on his story so quickly that if any NFL team is looking for a cornerback, he’s your guy. Davis reversed direction so quickly he lost his lead blockers in the media by saying “I regret not being much clearer in saying I’m not sure about this story.” Davis made this admission to NBC News. “It’s a major mistake for which I am 100 percent sorry. Period. I never should have done it unless I was certain and could prove it.” Hmmmm what is your book titled again? So basically you made it all up, nice job. You’re about as phony as your low rent son.
So Davis, let’s take a look at your clients over the last few decades.
• William “I was just getting a blowie while speaking to that other countries leader” Clinton
• Martha “I knew nothing about those insider trades, I swear I have great timing” Stewart
• The embassy to the Ivory Coast regarding election fraud
You my friend have a monopoly on morally bankrupt clients, glad you share their morals! Chief no like bottom feeders. Now you have been provided a retainer by Michael Cohen “allegedly” a friend of Donald J Trump…by the way still our President. I think Cohen had a role in Shawshank Redemption, you know the grown adult crying for his mommy at the beginning of the film? Yeah, he was beaten and killed but he realized he didn’t want to be in jail, congrats Lanny, you are a failure.
Hot Take: The chief coming in hot: Davis, or should I call you Lanny, do you “hook” yourself out to your clients for free, I’m asking for a friend? Your clients all seem morally bankrupt so do you actually get paid in money or….perks, if you know what I mean?
Hotter Take: Is the reason you are so triggered that you slept with Hillary? If you did no big deal, every guy needs a
slump buster…but a couple questions, how many paper bags? (Too bad plastic bags are outlawed in Liberal places.)
And how many bottles of Viagra, I’m asking for a friend? Because no way it took just 4! Hotter Chief! Hotter! Lanny did you “hit your knees as well for el presidente?
Chief get out the flamethrower! Is this the reason you still have all your hair because you and “el presidente” did the dirty? If not why do you have a still semi-full head of hair, and Carville and Begala are bald! Chief singe your hair now! Take that!
Chief, drop a hot take from the clouds! Lanny is your son really an illegitimate son conceived by William “just the tip” Clinton and your wife…I’m asking for a friend! He looks more like Bill then you!
Don’t bring that weak stuff near The Chief. Me steer clear of swamp people in home of Great White Father.
Loyal followers know that The Chief very seldom holds back when it comes to hot takes, but this story actually had blood gushing out of my eyes. Verizon Wireless serves many purposes, largely they are known as a wireless provider “allegedly” they also are the second largest of wireless provider behind AT&T. Fun fact: Verizon is actually a former “Baby Bell” spun off from the breakup of the old AT&T. As almost anyone with a cell phone knows, every so often you get the dreaded message “You are close to going over your data limit” or “You must upgrade your plan to get faster download speed” knows you generally must relent and agree to the additional charges. As far as I am concerned, I don’t have much of an issue with this practice, since usually a swift change in your lifestyle will yield your old plan working just fine.
Here is my “chief issue” with Verizon, they used a similar practice on firefighters fighting a blaze in Mendocino County. They used a term called throttling which in laymen’s terms means reducing the data speed rates that are used by folks surfing the internet. While I disagree with data throttling and other manipulation, to do it to firefighters, in the midst of fighting a major forest fire, is downright despicable. Verizon Wireless in their infinite wisdom, cranked down the data usage by our firefighters fighting a huge blaze. Yes, you read that correctly, they were in Mendocino fighting the biggest fire in state history—which as of this writing is still only 67 percent contained—one where communication among everyone was key. Just to clarify for all of you from Rio Linda as Rush likes to say, this was not a drill, or a daughter or son texting their boyfriend or girlfriend and causing a data overage, this was a real life or death situation.
Mendocino Complex Fire – currently combined 425,177 acres have burned
In order to get more data for their command center in the midst of fighting this fire, they had to agree to pay double
their current monthly bill even though they supposedly had an unlimited plan.
Verizon says the fire department was subscribed to an “unlimited” data plan that was limited. The company has come under fire for its use of the word “unlimited” while placing limitations on plans. In this case, the plan firefighters were under was “unlimited” until they hit a certain data point, then their data would be throttled to a slower speed.
Look at this quote from Santa Clara Fire Chief Anthony Bowden “This throttling has had a significant impact on our ability to provide emergency services. Verizon imposed these limitations despite being informed that throttling was actively impeding County Fire’s ability to provide crisis-response and essential emergency services .”
Per KOVR’s report, the fire Chief went on to say:
“Verizon representatives confirmed the throttling, but rather than restoring us to an essential data transfer speed, they indicated that County Fire would have to switch to a new data plan at more than twice the cost and they would only remove throttling after we contacted the Department that handles billing and switched to the plan.”
At this point, Bowden says fire personnel had to rely on their own personal devices rather than the mobile command center. Verizon eventually lifted the throttling, but not until the department signed up for a new plan.
Editor’s Note: In the same testimony the fire chief listed other fires he had fought where Verizon did the same thing to them in the midst of firefighting.
How many additional structures burned as a result of this action Verizon took? Also, one firefighter died; was he trying to get into contact with his colleagues but unable to due to “data overage?” While I am no fan of investigations led by the government this is one that needs to happen. Was Verizon responsible for any structure being destroyed or fire fighter deaths? If so they should be charged criminally, very similar to how PG&E was held liable for some of the fires their wires started. Verizon may actually be the lowest of the low, Warren Buffett may be blushing. Verizon has since come out and apologized, interesting that the apology was issued as Congress announced they would be investigating. Also, this has not been reported but Verizon announced today, they would offer a new program with unlimited “emergency data” to first responders plan for about double the normal price for an unlimited data plan, I guess as Rahm Emanuel said, “never let a good crisis go to waste.”
Verizon messed up badly, and likely are responsible for additional millions in damage and likely the death of a firefighter due to their “greed.” Exceptions can and should always be made, and during emergencies is one. While most people run from fire, firefighters run towards the fire with every intent to save structures and any people in its path. Verizon halted that, all due to corporate greed. They put additional structures and people in harm’s way all in the name of profit. In all likelihood they will be fined, both federally, the state will also get their pound of flesh, a couple of counties may get a pay off as well, but nothing will change. No lessons will be learned, apologies do not bring back memories or loved ones unnecessarily killed or destroyed. I’m sure Verizon has their legal department on overtime looking for ways that their insurance policy can cover this. Who is more morally bankrupt? Wells Fargo, PG&E or Verizon……I’ll take all of the above.
The lesson here is life goes on, regardless of whether your possessions or loved ones do, corporate profits are far more important, got to hit next quarter’s numbers!
Editor’s Note: Hey Chief, if they do this for a rural fire what do they do when we finally get hit with “the big one” and much of L.A. or San Francisco is in rubble?
The Oakland Raiders are a “football team” located in Oakland, California. This is a blog to troll Raiders players, owner, coaches, and fans. Everything in this blog is “allegedly” true but if you are offended then regard the comment as satire.
So, you made the playoffs two years ago and after a bad year last season you decide to fire coach Jack Del Rio—who mind you is from the Bay Area after going 6-10. I guess they got mad at Jack for dropping an “upper decker” in the bathroom or something, because 6-10 after a playoff appearance is not a reason to fire a coach. I think the entire team just decided to play 2017 drunk on grape flavored Dimetapp, which happens to be the official drink of Raider fans.
First let’s start with your owner Mark Davis, son of Al. Mark, you actually look like microwaved Jon Gruden leftovers, or a real-life anamorph of a person turning into a hairless cat although I cannot decide which one. Also, you admit to eating at PF Chang’s every day? Everyday? You drive over 8 hours to go to the same barber to get your “bowl” hair cut? Again, I’m being serious, that’s dedication man! I’m pleasantly surprised you didn’t re-hire John Madden, since your franchise has been living in the past the 15 years.
Your owner hired Jon Gruden—yes, a man who has not coached in a decade—and gave him a 10 year 100-million-dollar contract.
Jon Gruden’s second coming to save the Raiders
Jon Gruden was the last good Raiders coach who is most famous for being traded from Oakland to Tampa Bay and immediately winning a Super Bowl that year, blowing out the Raiders. All while using Tony Dungy’s players and Bill Callahan’s playbook. Gruden has been announcing Monday Night Football for the last decade. I’m sure his old dusty playbook will shine brightly in a constantly changing league. Don’t believe me, here’s Grudens own words, “I want to throw the game back to 1998” the Raiders record that year: 8-8. (Wasn’t 88 what it takes for a DeLorean to go Back to the Future?) Anyway, you can’t make this stuff up folks.
Oh, I hear that Gruden loves eating wings at Hooters. Most men I know dine there for the great food and cheerful service. Besides, what happens in Hooters stays in Hooters. Anyway, between him and Davis, no chain restaurant is in danger of going out of business whenever they’re in Las Vegas.
Serious note here: I’m glad you guys hired Gruden, because now Monday Nights it’ll get quieter and I don’t have to hear “Spider 3 Y Banana” every other play. Or any other jibberish like “The Gruden Grinder” or overused clichés like “He has the grit you desire in a player, man.” Additionally, I get so pissed off at the hordes of media that surround this guy and hang on his every word, like he’s some kind of sage or something. Remember the guy went through quarterbacks in Tampa Bay like the old lady at the supermarket going through the cantaloupe’s. He’s already gotten started trading for Christian Hackenberg then cutting him within 10 days, not even long enough to split a 50 piece with Gruden…man. Hiring Jon Gruden is literally like going all in on Bitcoin, likely not to end well.
Did I mention Vegas earlier…yeah, they are moving the Raiders there in like a couple years? Maybe, perhaps, I still think they may be contractually obligated to play in that abandoned Toys R Us warehouse in Elko while waiting for their new taxpayer funded stadium to be built. Kind of ironic you will be able to buy Raiders tickets at the same kiosk that you can get half priced tickets to David Copperfield and Coyote Ugly and other iconic shows that haven’t been relevant since the Iraq War. Can you get a hold of this image…Wayne Newton leading the team onto the field while he is on a hover round? That’s pure Vegas gold brother! Maybe even hire Gary Bussey as the team spokesman!
Now let’s move on to their current players.
Raider quarterback Derek Carr is famous for two things: breaking his leg during a game on December 24th—sort of like a reverse Christmas miracle—and after beating the 4-1 KC Chiefs, when the Raiders were 2-4 he declared “Jesus is on my side” and then this good line “we talked about going 2-5 and it didn’t sound right to us.” Derek you guys finished the year 6-10.
Amari Cooper was good what seems like 10 years ago so he will likely break his foot week one on Oakland’s infield dirt. Truth be told your offense is actually really good. Your defense however is horrible, outside of Khalil Mack who is holding out, I think every other player has a warrant, rap sheet or some type of career threatening illness hanging over them. So, what if the team went out and brought in retreads Leon Hall, Derrick Johnson, and Frostee Rucker to fix the issue. Leon Hall is a nobody, he was good about 8 years ago. Johnson is about 400 years old and has blown out both ACL’s now. I don’t know what a Frostee Rucker is? Maybe a new menu item at Dairy Queen? But seriously anyone with the name Frostee can’t be that good, unless you are a hardened criminal. I fully believe a squad of 11 Roomba vacuum cleaners with googly eyes could put up over 42 points on this defense. On offense they also brought in several re-treads: weed aficionado Martavis Bryant, walking concussion and likely CTE recipient Jordy Nelson, and Doug Martin a re-tread from my Buccaneers.
Seriously, getting just a re-tread head coach was not good enough? At this rate you might want to give Ronnie Lott or Deion Sanders a call, I heard they are not busy. Actually, I am legitimately wondering, are you guys holding open tryouts based on who can win in a wheelchair race outside your stadium on gamedays? Talk about fantasy football.
Deion Sanders—currently the offensive coordinator at Trinity Christian-Cedar Hill high school
Glad you guys didn’t just stop at the coach and players with the re-treads, you fired your announcer and hired Brent Musburger, a known gambling enthusiast, and apologist for violence towards women.
Brent Musburger official announcer for the Oakland Las Vegas Raiders
Musburger? I thought that is what your concession stands served the day after the sewer backs up into the coliseum? An old pastime of mine is after the NFL Draft commences every year to look at who the Raiders picked-up, never fails the picks in every round will have one of these 3 words; reach, character issue, or project. Usually it’s good for several laughs.
Speaking of re-treads that term also applies to their fans, quite literally all of them. The Raider fanbase all seem to be on their second wife, defaulted on their second mortgage, and/or have likely been hauled back to court for the third time regarding late payments on child support or probation violations. If you see no future in your life, or just feel jaded and bleak all the time, I think you found a team to root for and fan base to fit into! Talk about the Suicide Squad. If you start making plans now, you should be just in time to move with your team to Vegas, take up permanent residency in a bottom level hotel like Motel 6, all to watch your team in the land of failure and what if.
Raider Nation family portrait
Want some comedy relief, click on an article about the Raiders. It can be literally any one and skip straight to the comment section. Honestly there cannot be a more illiterate group of people on the planet…do they all work for the DMV? No, they don’t but more on this later. What’s even better is when one illiterate gets into it with another illiterate fan, comments turn into a grammar and spell check nightmare. Then it gets better especially when they get at each other about “where they are reppin from.” Seriously, Compton, Riverside, East Oakland, Watts, they are all decrepit places to live, get over yourselves. Best part about the whole commenting shtick, some of these guys think they become hardo’s just by adding Raider to their username, like Bigraiderfan420 or Kingraider69, glad he threw the 69 in there.
One good thing about the Raiders is there logo makes you appear to be a gangbanger. Back in the day, I walked to college or a BART station many times wearing a good friend’s Raiders shirt, while walking through some very “sketchy” neighborhoods, I was never bothered. Nice fringe benefit, however I hate the Raiders, hence the writing of this blog. Also, it’s fun to watch commenters turn on other fans when they use the term “Nation”, since the Raiders call themselves “Raider Nation.” I guess they think own the copyright rights.
Raider Nation logo
Worse yet, has anyone ever met a doctor or lawyer who is a Raider fan? Nope, they are all truckers, construction workers or “between jobs.” Hence the obvious question to every fan needs to answer; which is higher your IQ or how many teeth you have left? Oh, by the way explain this to “The Chief” on my way out, if your fan base is so great why is the top level (over 10k seats) tarped off?
Stay alert Raider fans, as you never know when Mark Davis may stray from his crypt to fire Jon Gruden.
Democrats were so certain they would win the special election in Ohio last night they even opted to unfreeze Jimmy Carter to make a couple victory laps on TV earlier in the day. Liberal pundits thought they had this in the bag, similar to a political nemesis of the Clintons. The coverage was strong Tuesday morning, MSLSD’s Joe Scarborough “allegedly” a former GOP congressman claimed victory saying it was the start of a blue wave this election year. His wife and co-host of “Morning Joe” was out of town, and strangely I hadn’t seen Joe this aroused in a long while coincidence? I noticed an abnormal number of commercial breaks and was later able to confirm Joe needed to change his undergarments far more than usual, again the whole aroused thing. Good thing “Morning Joe” has only one viewer, no word on if its Joe’s mommy, but nonetheless “The Chief” doubled this morning’s audience. Anderson Cooper was no better, he actually cracked a smile several times, leading me to believe he may have come back to the straight side last night…likely wishful thinking. Chris Hayes, again of MSLSD, was foaming at the mouth during his show, might have been a health issue, possibly the disease called liberalism. Hayes for those of you who don’t know looks like he physically, mentally, and morally peaked in elementary school, imagine a 5th grader frozen and in an adults body.
Rachael Maddow was a complete and total dumpster fire, literally saying there is no way Rep. Troy Balderson could win. Maybe she had inside information? If so she better find a new bookie because Balderson is going to win, leading by 1% with 100% of the vote counted. The Chief has decided Maddow likely has the IQ of a plastic bottle, because when you throw her around she always gets beaten out of shape. Additionally Rev. Al Sharpton added his commentary saying he “hoped the black man would win this election because blacks need equal representation” there was no black person on the ballot, legally “allegedly.” No word from Paul Begala and James Carville, but word has it they started their own radio show, two ugly white guys, mostly to compete with sitcom/reality TV show Two Broke Girls.
The point of this troll blog is to highlight a couple points. First the Democrats are running on nothing except Trump hate, they have no ideas. They remind me of the Republican leadership under President Obama saying he is no good, vote for us…..why you ask? Well we’re not as bad as him. This isn’t anything to run under, its bad policy. Problem is the Democrats were up to their usual tricks Tuesday, just like any other election, word is the local cemetery had over 100% voter turnout. This was actually a low number usually it’s around 150%. As I tell friends of mine, I lost both grandfathers of mine over the last few years, they voted Republican until they died, now they vote straight ticket Democrat. I’m still mystified, if the democrat O’Connor was up by the same 1% the “associated press”( whatever the heck that means) would have already called the race, went home had a warm bottle of milk and gone to bed already; but nope. The evil, white supremacist, angry white male won so yeah we’re not calling it tonight. “Allegedly” the drill bit used to drill a hole thorough the “O’Conner” spot on the ballot needed to be changed, so those ballots found late tonight will be counted later when said drill bit is working again. (Unless the put the hole in the wrong spot and voted for pat Buchannan.) Additionally, we heard Mr. Balderson is required to answer a 2 AM phone call to test his worthiness for said congressman job (maybe we should change the name congressman seems sexist). The 2 AM phone call is a big thing as you may remember Hillary Clinton answered the call and sent in our military when Benghazi was under attack……or maybe she slept through it, but oh well.
Editor’s note: The Chief is an avid sports fan but when the sports page turns into the crime blotter, The Chief goes on the warpath. Buckle-up because today’s story has more twists and turns than an Agatha Christie novel. As you will see, many folks deserve to be scalped for their participation and subsequent cover-up.
If you are unaware, Urban Meyer is the head football coach at The Ohio State University, and by default the highest paid government worker in the state! Well suffice it to say the last 24 hours have been nothing short of disaster for both University and the Meyer family.
Urban Meyer, Ohio State Head Coach
Zach Smith—the former wide receivers coach at the university and a friend and confidant of Meyer since his early coaching days at University of Florida—was terminated back on July 24th after a judge issued a protective order not allowing Smith to come within 500 feet of his ex-wife. Smith has also been charged with criminal trespassing in May of this year; again with his ex-wife being involved. Gotta respect a man for being persistent…never take no for an answer cuz!
Wife beater and general scumbag Zack Smith
The filing of the protective order followed an incident in May in which Smith was charged with criminal trespass after driving his car into his ex-wife’s driveway during a custody exchange of their 13-year-old son.
Back in 2009 while both were at the State run latrine called University of Florida at Gainesville, Smith was investigated for a dispute, again with his now ex-wife.
Ohio State coach Urban Meyer said Tuesday he was aware of domestic abuse allegations against former receivers coach Zach Smith in 2009, when Smith was a graduate assistant on Meyer’s staff at Florida.
Fast forward to 2015 and Smith was actually arrested on domestic violence charges in Powell, Ohio.
Meyer being the literal wiener he is, did nothing. Or did he?
Interestingly enough, when reached for comment this past Tuesday, Powell Ohio Police Department said they had no arrest records for Smith, however later in the day they walked it back saying they had found the arrest records and 2 additional visits to the Smith residence by the department.
The Chief needs clarification, so they “found” these records later? Is this like the Democrat party finding millions of uncounted votes long after the election? Did Ol’ Oscar Meyer call in a favor with the local P.D.? Arrest records are usually given out on demand. Most may doubt The Chief here but these college football coaches; especially Meyer who has won 3 National Championships, carry ungodly amounts of clout. More on that later.
Meyer said it was “a very tough call” to fire his longtime assistant. Sounds like it.
Meyer fired Smith on Monday after a report from Brett McMurphy revealed details of an incident in 2009 in Florida in which Smith was arrested for shoving his then-pregnant wife against a wall during an altercation.
This dude (Coach Smith) made more contact with the opposite sex than John Edwards did in the last nine years and it was a “tough call” to fire him. Coach Smith, as you will see, is a hands-on sort of guy.
Here are more disturbing developments about Smith. “…police responding to a call in 2015 at the Smith residence were told by Smith’s wife,’a domestic incident happened last night at her home and that she has been a victim of sustained physical abuse by the suspect.’ ”
Two weeks later, the second visit was “menace by stalking.” Strangely enough neither of the two above incidents led to Smith’s firing. Instead, Smith was let go due to the 2009 claim…being brought forward again earlier this year. This finally resulted in a charge from the 2009 incident bringing down this low life bum.
Coach Meyer—when reached for comment by ESPN (More on this later)—said his support staff had no information regarding these allegations. Hmmm strange how that happens. Ask anyone, get into a minor arrest if you work at a school and the HR department usually finds out rather quickly. But I digress. When you win football games and bring in big $$$ for said school, interesting how things get swept under the rug.
Here is where things take yet another turn. Back in 2009, Meyer’s wife—who was friends with Smith’s wife—actually got involved with his arrest. She consulted with Urban, and Urban said he made the decision simply going to counseling was enough.
May I add that in 2009, Smith brought home a different woman—who happened to be a co-worker—back to his house intending carnal relations with her with said wife present, sounds like a winner. I am aware of a movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, I guess Smith was going for the record of 10 minutes or less.
An argument ensued…that’s to be expected, I don’t think many women take kindly to said husband sleeping with another women in your bed unless your last name is Clinton, Kennedy, or Edwards. Then Mr. Smith put his hands on his wife and hit her, heck yeah boss, hitting women is such an alpha move! Hopefully you taught that broad a lesson, I mean if you want to be in an open relationship go for it. Nothing says manliness like beating up a pregnant woman, I mean they’re almost as strong as men!
Here is just how much the firing of Smith affected the football team this upcoming season “It was a devastating loss for us, it’s not something you expect, especially at a time like this, when you’re only a week out [from the start of training camp],” Buckeyes wideout Parris Campbell said. “But I think the main focus and the main goal is to lean on one another. We need one another in a moment like this. It’s a huge loss, but we’ll move forward.”
Yeah, I love to harken back to simpler times when Ray Rice beat the living crap out of his wife on camera and was only suspended a couple games. Was this termination necessary? I need answers? Who will coach wide receivers this year? Oh My God? How will we win the Heisman Trophy now?
Well this blogger doesn’t know if Smith will be wide in jail, but he will be a receiver! From what I hear, hitting women sounds like it is frowned upon in our penal institutions!
Oh, I mentioned things taking a turn earlier for Coach Meyers. Smith’s wife—in an interview with Brett McMurphy, who was fired by ESPN last year—said every coach on Meyer’s staff knew of the abuse she went through in 2015. Smith was not fired for anything that happened in 2015, with Coach Meyer denying any knowledge of these charges. Meyer’s reaction was basically, “Beats me”.
Maybe Coach Meyer and his wife are not on speaking terms but here is yet another revelation in this sordid tale, Meyer’s wife is a registered nurse and a professor in the nursing department at Ohio State. Due to the nature of Shelley Meyer’s job, she is a mandatory reporter under Title 9. (Sorry The Chief doesn’t do roman numerals, the Romans are gone.) This puts both Meyers in big predicaments. Did Shelley tell her superiors? Did she tell her husband? Did Oscar Meyer crush these reports, because this could get his wife terminated?
Here is another good one. A reporter in Columbus, Ohio, home to the Ohio State University, did a freedom of information act request on Smith’s personnel records three weeks ago, he has been stonewalled by the University.
Here are another couple of pure gold quotes by Smith’s former wife “All the [coaches’] wives knew,” Smith told McMurphy. “They all did. Every single one.” Well that’s ok right, because no chance Urban Meyer could have known right? Again, let’s quote Smith’s ex-wife
“I do believe he knew and instead he chose to help the abuser, enable the abuser, and believe whatever stories Zach was telling everybody,” Courtney said.
Courtney (Smith) also went into detail about the alleged beatings, which led her to eventually divorce Zach Smith in 2016 and file a domestic violence civil protection order against him on July 20. The filing of that document, and the revelation of the years of abuse, led to Zach’s immediate firing from the program last week.
Whoa, boom that sounds like a flame grilled wiener!
College football coaches, especially the really good ones such as Meyer wield great influence over people. As mentioned earlier, not one to let that power go to waste, Meyer not only knew what Smith had done, he sent in his goons after Mrs. Smith in 2009. Hiram DeFries, who is the special assistant to the head coach at Ohio State and has been a confidant of Urban Meyer for years, told her in 2009 not to pursue charges against Zach Smith after the incident in Florida. Meyer was the Florida Gators’ head coach at the time; Smith was an intern on his staff. Hiram DeFries sounds like a typical wannabe mob goon, but like Smith, is just a low life scum. Not to go unnoticed is this gem DeFries unleashed as well. “[DeFries] said, ‘If you don’t drop the charges, Zach will never coach again,’” Smith told McMurphy. “‘He’s never hit you before. He was drinking. He’ll probably never do it again. You should think about giving him a second chance.’” Yes history says men who hit women won’t do it again, give him a second chance.
Hiram DeFries makes Courtney Smith an offer she can’t refuse
Here’s yet another bombshell dropped today, “She did not press charges in 2009. Zach Smith was investigated in 2015 for suspicion of felony domestic violence after an incident that resulted in unspecified injuries and showed evidence of sustained abuse. In the Powell, Ohio, police report regarding that incident, Courtney Smith said she had been a victim of habitual domestic abuse. Cleveland.com on Wednesday identified nine reports from Powell police involving domestic disputes between the couple from 2012 to 2018.” Habitual domestic violence, as in like more than one time. Again Oscar Meyer denied he knew any of this.
Courtney Smith, Zack’s private piñata
Luckily, Smith—who makes more than $500k a year of taxpayer money—was able to hire a lawyer to fight these charges. Listen to his attorney comment on these charges. Bradley Koffel, an attorney representing Zach Smith, told ESPN: “Zach Smith wants to be as transparent and honest as possible but it is not going to be done today through the media. It will only be after he and his ex-wife are sworn in to testify. Once he gets his chance to tell his side of events, don’t be surprised when it is corroborated by every police who ever responded to Ms. Smith’s calls.” Well thank goodness he will be transparent down the line, that’s what I need in these turbulent times. Let me guess it was a simple game of patty cake gone wrong, or better yet your wife launched her head into your fist. Koffel sounds like someone who has the IQ of a piece of meat, meaning you leave him out to long he spoils.
This tale is not over yet, here is something really sick. Smith was fired July 24th, on the 25th of July, Meyer was at the Big 10 Conference media days and claimed he had no idea of any of Smith’s 2015 arrest records. So why did you suddenly fire Smith for something that happened almost a decade ago you low life?
Here is why, Urban Meyer is a coward. Similar to a politician (or a chameleon), while at Florida he found a gem in future Pope Timothy Tebow and claimed to hold a saintly moniker, claiming he read the Bible daily and no one was holier than him. Excuse me while I go barf.
Ok I’m, back.
Let’s take a long look at some of the outstanding athletes to pass through Gainesville and Columbus under the tutelage of St. Meyer.
The University of Florida Aaron Hernandez – murdered at least 1 person, likely as high as 3, never suspended Janoris Jenkins – finally kicked out of Florida after 5 failed drug tests (Meyer had left) Jenkins had an A+ quote “If Coach Meyer were still coaching, I’d still be playing for the Gators,” he was quoted as saying. “Coach Meyer knows what it takes to win.” Sounds like Meyer was quite the disciplinarian. By the way just recently Jenkins brother was arrested for “allegedly” killed a man, and hiding the body in Janoris house in New York. Hmmmmmmm Chris Rainey – Felony aggravated stalking, if at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again? Riley Cooper – resisting arrest, and failure to comply with fire department orders, what the hell do fire fighters know anyways? Cam Newton – Felony burglary, larceny, obstruction of justice. Not a banker, bank robber! Matt Elam – DUI Carlos Dunlap – DUI Frankie Hammond – DUI Jamar Hornsby – felony criminal mischief Jermaine Cunningham – misdemeanor battery, he threw cups at a Jimmy Johns employee. When a man wants his roast beef hot! Tony Joiner – Felony theft, I guess he was pulling an OJ Simpson Ronnie Wilson – assault and battery, also use of a concealed weapon. Applying to be a US Marshall? We will just stop here, there are at least 30 more during his short tenure at Florida.
Now at Ohio State: Adolphus Washington – soliciting a prostitute that happened to be a cop. As the chief has mentioned, if it has teeth it’s a cop……..face smash Gareon Conley – rape, got off, I guess in more ways than one Kirk Barton – former player arrested for hitting bar patrons, likely putting Smiths training to use JT Barrett – Dui – he wasn’t as think as you drunk he was
Likely there were scores more, but Meyer wielded his influence and got the charges dropped. Meyer has a very interesting history, he got to Florida, won a couple championships, St. Tebow went pro, and then he suddenly had a heart attack the following year. He took a few years off, working for ESPN, only to take the Ohio State job once it came open 2 years later. Now after winning a championship, I think it’s time for a visit to the cardiologist, because it doesn’t look good.
Meyer was suspended today (with pay) until the investigation is over. I think Meyer better find another gig soon, it doesn’t look good.
As the tale is now told, back in 2009 Meyer and his wife tried to do an intervention with the Smith’s. Mrs. Smith as you recall was in a family way at the time of her spousal smackdown.
At this sad time for these hapless coaches, The Chief can only channel his inner Don Corleone and dispense this advice.
• First, Urban Meyer to act like a man!
• Second, Zack Smith if you didn’t want a child with said wife, put a bag over your pepperoni, what’s the matter with you!
More news has come out of Columbus with assistant coach Ryan Day, (that’s actually someone’s name by the way) interim head coach, and placed Meyer on timeout while they determine how much they should pay that low life. Two coaches on staff were previously head coaches elsewhere but were not named interim coach, this is somewhat surprising until you see the backgrounds of said assistants. One was Greg Schiano, who for some reason looks very similar to Bobby from King of the Hill, this oversized ogre is best known for covering up rape at Penn State by former “ass” istant coach Jerry Sandusky, and lying under oath.
Greg Schiano feels his future slipping from his fingers
The other coach is Kevin Wilson, formerly at Indiana University whose tenure includes being fired for ignoring trainers regarding injuries and repeated run ins with the administration after being warned about his antics. Looks like these two losers will also be going down with the ship, no word on if Schiano knows which way is down.
Perhaps the University of Ohio will let these guys rest with the fishes. Look for an offer that they can’t refuse.
My final observation is one bit of odd information or the lack thereof; coaches get fired annually—it’s kind of a rite of passage. Every time a coach gets fired, even if it’s something really egregious, former co-workers or players come out and say he was a great guy, coach, mentor etc. Nothing but radio silence so far on Mr. Smith. Let that sink in. Additionally The Chief tells Mr. Smith to assume the position. I’m sure this won’t hurt a bit.
