Johnnie Does – Page 6

Johnnie Does: California Real ID

Recently I received my CA driver’s license renewal notice in the mail, and to put it bluntly, it was one of the most confusing forms I have ever laid my eyes on. Since mine expires in December, I am classified as a “wobbler” in that any state issued ID card/driver’s license will allow me to board an airplane until October of next year, but a REAL ID will be required after that. I could either fill out the forms mailed to me, or “complete online,” I chose the latter. In CA, your driver’s license is usually good for about 4 years, so I had a choice to make as far as the REAL ID goes.

The forms mailed out are confusing because it states pay $38 and we will renew your driver license. Here in lies the problem. Renewing this way only gets you a state issued license, not a REAL ID. Which is fine if you do not plan on traveling or already have a passport. Here is the key, if you want a REAL ID, you MUST VISIT a DMV location in person! Also filling out the form online gives you a head start on the others also getting a REAL ID.

I completed the process online and was given a control number (you want to write this down) and was directed to make an appointment with a DMV location…I declined. This is a personal choice, but I would rather show up and get in line before they open and be out within an hours’ time, too often I have had appointments run way late or still take forever. I decided to go to the Lodi location, about 30 minutes south of my residence on a Saturday morning. I prefer this one to the South Sacramento location because I always feel like I need a shower after visiting the South Sac office due to the people; both workers and customers.

Lodi’s DMV location opens at 7 am, so I got there at 6:30 and was about 50th in line. About 10 minutes before the doors opened, a lady with a cart came by asking what we needed and assigned a number based on the service you needed. The doors opened and you had to stand in line to approach the non-appointment window. What I like about this location is this is kind of a failsafe system they use, they checked over my documents and told me they would text me when it was my turn at the counter. When I was called, the lady asked who I was, and I was aghast…I said, “Johnnie Does…big time food critic…reallyright.com?” She shot me a blank stare. I gave her my control number and my documents. She typed a few things in the keyboard, scanned in my documents (more on this later), asked for a thumb print, I was asked to pay the $38 (debit only no credit cards accepted), did a vision test, and was told to go to another window to have my photo taken. I went to said window, was thumb printed again, a photo was taken, and after issuing me a fancy schmancy paper driver’s license, I was off, with a promise the REAL ID would arrive in about 3 weeks.

Whole process took 50 minutes, I was actually impressed. The people in Lodi were very efficient, friendly and even joked a little bit, what a total contrast to any other DMV I have been to. Let’s face it, no one likes going to the DMV, usually it’s the dregs of the earth you are dealing with. But this process was very quick and efficient, especially because technically it’s a federal program to have a compliant ID to travel now. I actually got my ID 10 days later. Be prepared to be unimpressed. Here I thought I would be getting a Homeland Security like ID and instead it’s just like your old driver’s license with just a couple of modifications.

Closing thoughts: It was very fast and efficient, and I actually felt like this government agency took care of business. That being said, here are my tips for when you get your REAL ID. Don’t take the documentation process lightly. You need your original birth certificate (not a copy), your Social Security Card or a W-2 with your Social Security Number on it (you will have to go back 3 years on that one), and 2 bills with your full name and address on it (not a PO Box). I showed up with the completed application, my control number from the DMV, paperwork I did on the website, my birth certificate, Social Security Card, my mortgage statement, and county property tax bill. I ran into no problems at all; however, the man at the counter next to me ran into a bunch. He had a worn-out birth certificate, and his personal documents had a PO Box listed, sorry no dice for him. Some tips I have are make sure 2 utility bills have your name and/or your spouses on it, as some households I know only have 1 listed, and don’t take this lightly, they will turn you away or send you back to get the correct info.

That being said, I do have a slight concern about this process; they scan in all of your personal documentation, and I’m sure it is “stored” somewhere and will eventually be hacked in a gigantic data breach. Now the state will have a database of your birth certificate, Social Security Number, your mortgage statement* and county tax bill* knowing the types of databases the state uses in other departments like the Controller’s office, I would be very scared.

Johnnie Does

*Denotes if you choose to use these documents to get the ID

Conversations with the Naïve: Denial of Debt

We speak about the perils of debt quite often on this blog and when I try to share my concerns with people it falls on deaf ears. Or in other cases I’m told “don’t worry about the national, state or county level debt everything will be fine” and “the creditors aren’t coming to take back our municipalities, possessions, and the like”. We are always told to take off the tinfoil hat, stop being alarmist…we don’t know what we are talking about…fine!

I want to share a story of an acquaintance of mine who lives his life with this same attitude about his own debt!

This guy is married with 2 kids; both of whom have hereditary health issues…first question is why have another kid if you know the issues are hereditary? Any who. They own a house near a golf course and own two new very nice cars; one a pickup truck and the other a Mercedes.

They also are the proud owners of $75k in credit card debt. Combined they bring in $7,500 a month, which is a very solid middle class income and should support such a lifestyle. However they have been doing nothing but keeping up with the “Joneses,” more on this later.

Sensing that he was in trouble, he asked for help from an organization for which I volunteer. I was tasked to visit him and evaluate whether a onetime gift of $2,000 would make a difference. I rolled my sleeves up and put my finance background and degree to work.

What I found was shocking. This guy took keeping up with the Joneses to a whole new level. In fact, I think the Joneses would have a hard time keeping up with this family! His house is pristine with every upgrade possible; granite counter tops, marble floors, top notch security system, I was in awe! I actually thought I was at the wrong house at first. I went over his expenses with him and the picture finally came into focus. Their expenses–mortgage, car payments and incidentals–totaled almost $6,200k a month. Keep in mind this is making only a minimum payment on the credit cards, so in essence the balance was growing each month. This guy and his family are on a debt treadmill and sadly they were about to fall off.

First recommendation, let’s sell the house. This guy and his wife both commute almost an hour each direction for work! Easy solution right? However, they are upside down by over $100k–even in today’s environment where housing prices are sky high. (I think there is/was a consolidation loan here). As a result, they are stuck in a house way above there means, but ok…moving on.

Let’s sell those cars. Who needs $900 a month in payments? You don’t need a brand new truck or a Mercedes just to get to work. But he can’t do that either because both loans are 7 years and the cars have nil value as far as a trade in goes…high mileage. What they need is an economical vehicle, one where they can forgo the expensive full coverage insurance. (As an agent by trade, I estimate economy vehicles run about $300 a month to insure).

Next, I brought up food expenses…$1K a month, that’s a lot of eating out, regardless of whether it’s a chain restaurant or fast food that is a lot of money. He didn’t want to make changes here either. So I looked next at the incidentals and said ditch the cable and security system, again resistance. I said you live near a golf course, you don’t need a security system, and this one was top of the line, think all remote controlled by your Alexa device, and every square inch of the place covered by cameras, almost as if it was an illegal marijuana grow. The cable thing I do not get one bit, it’s actually becoming a thing to cut the cord…oh well.

After looking at different options, it hit me that he had no intention of righting the ship. However, my appointed task was completed. I now needed to sign paperwork which determined if he could apply for a one-time grant of $2,000 to help with his situation.

As I contemplated this man’s situation, I was reminded of a quote from Dean Warner from Animal House “Being fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life son.” In this man’s case, drunk refers to his debts. He is drunk on debt and the worst part; his wife and kids are unaware that there’s even a problem. Yes you read that right! He is on his second marriage and this one looks all but lost.

He claims that he is 100% reliant on this one-time grant to “help with his payments.” This is false. This money is just enough to kick the can past Christmas and hope in the future that a miracle happens. This guy doesn’t want help. He, like a growing number of voters in this country, want their debts wiped out…a clean start…a new slate. A fresh new start so he can spend again…but he doesn’t want bankruptcy or the consequences that come with it.

This is part of a larger problem in America today, we run our lives just like our Government. We spend money we do not have and make a minimum payment every month. By doing that we lie to ourselves, saying we paid our bills this month. We live in the moment without a plan for the future. In this family’s case, I hate to say it but a diet is not going to help. This family needs a significant lifestyle change. Their debt needs to be handled and living outside of their means must cease ASAP.

How would I handle this issue if it was me? Easy. Ditch the cable, security system, and other unnecessary add-ons. This will free up about $900, at least in my estimation. The $1,000 on food…cut that in half at least, decide you like ramen noodles and quit going out to eat. Start brown bagging it at lunch and cut out the fast food. That should amount to about $1,400 or so in extra cash. Use this money to start immediately paying down that credit card debt. Trade in both cars and get a couple economical rides that have higher mileage. You need to unload the car payments and high insurance bill. As far as your house goes, look at it as most people view an economy hotel, a place to lay your head and serve as a dwelling, not a place to entertain people. Frankly no one cares about your marble, granite, or anything else, it’s not medieval times and you don’t live in a castle. Learn how to do yard work so you can ditch the gardener, ditto for the housekeeper. Take a look at the Cadillac cell phone plan and get something cheaper. Oh, I bet that’s under long-term contract too.

Most importantly you need to sit down and have a review with your wife, she needs to know the situation. Be honest and have a plan that will work, more on that in a second. The short term disappointment she has in you will be ok in the long run because she has to know you were living a lie. Truth be told, you can’t afford a divorce so there is that. As far as attacking the debt goes, start with the lowest amount owed and pay that down first, then move to the next one. Try calling the lenders and try to negotiate a lower interest rate or something. Burn the phones finding anyway to cut your expenses, however stick to your plan, as credit card/cable/security companies love to try to talk you out of it, actually they have entire departments of commissioned associates dedicated to it. Put about $1K in a savings account for emergencies.

Cut up your credit cards. Do not put them away for “emergencies.” With your track record, you need to get rid of them, they got you into this mess. Oh, FYI birthdays and Christmas are not “emergencies.” Then find a non-profit debt consultant or watch some Dave Ramsey and Suze Orman videos on YouTube. Find somebody to hold you accountable. The biggest problem is you both have champagne taste on a beer budget. The climb out of this is not easy and will not be fun but it’s doable. Need vs Want?!?!?!?!?!?! Know/learn the difference.

Final point: as far as keeping up with the Joneses goes, remember this, the Joneses are most likely in the same shoes as you; spending money they do not have, trying to impress people they probably do not like, on stuff they don’t need. Stop treating your life like your fantasy football team. No one cares about your possessions just like they don’t care about your team.

I think you know my decision on giving him the $2K.

Johnnie Does

Editor’s note: Johnnie Does is spot-on with this article. My wife and I attended Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University five years ago. Since then we’ve paid over $100K in debt (not including our mortgage). This only works if both people in the marriage are committed to getting debt free but it is really worth it.

What’s up with the Panera Mac n Cheese Incident?

I wanted to take a break from reviewing food joints for a bit to get my salt content back to a reasonable levels. Instead, I wanted to discuss a current event that occurred at a Panera Bread outlet and subsequently went viral. A young women “cook,” videoed herself taking a frozen packet of mac and cheese and placing it into a pot of boiling water….removing minutes later, plating it, and commenting “this is how we make mac and cheese at Panera.” The chef was terminated for making the video. Panera went full law office on this incident, basically saying they would need to add a bunch of preservatives to the mac if they made it fresh etc. etc. etc. This has been the talk of the town lately and for good reason, Panera Bread claims to be chemical free, and fresh-made in house… kinda. The number of people in disbelief is astounding. Allow me to explain.

No quick serve, fast food, fast casual, or chain restaurant does scratch cooking anymore. They haven’t in a decade or more. The reasons for this make a lot of sense if you stop and think about it. Jack in the Box had an E.coli scare, Chipotle same deal, I believe Burger King had a scare…those incidents cost major $$$. In a world where corporations report earnings every 90 days and consumers are very fickle with their hard earned dollars, this cannot happen! So a couple things happened, corporations innovated and found ways to cut a metric ton of costs and raise profit margins tenfold. They found ways to cook everything in a factory in a centralized environment. To be clear, it’s not cooked to doneness, it’s essentially flash cooked, and vacuum sealed, and frozen. Food is then shipped to the store in a convenient portion-sized baggie and all the kitchen staff has to do is drop it in a pot of boiling water… just like the girl at Panera.

This creates a “consistent customer experience” buzz words used all the time in business now. The portions are the same size, same doneness, and the same price, effectively removing any customer complaints about the food. Better yet it’s the same at every store. I have been to BJ’s Brewhouse locations in Elk Grove, Folsom, and in Southern California. The pizza I had at each was identical, down to the same number of pepperonis on each.

It works for the customer since they like the continuity, but it didn’t work out so great for the kitchen staff. The cook at a restaurant like that never made a ton of money, but since the food used to be fairly scratch made, the money was equal to a modest middle class salary. Now however, no more need for a chef or the salary that goes with it, actually the skilled kitchen staff were not needed either…all were let go. Let’s face it, you do not need a degree to drop fries in a fryer or place a bag in of boiling water, set a timer, and when it goes off, plate it according to a picture. The money saved on salary and preparing all food remotely amounts to millions annually.

Link: Panera Bread girl fired

Think about it; food borne illness risk is very low, the experience is the same across locations, and customers are fooled. It’s a “can’t lose” business model. Such businesses find it a lot easier to pay their kitchen staff to resuscitate frozen food and cut up some additions, to be added to soups and sides, to make them appear fresh. In all honesty, do you really think their kitchen is capable of cranking out that many different entrees at light speed? Have you seen a menu at one of these places lately? Fish, steaks, chicken, shrimp, pizza, salad, different soups, wow! How many cooks in the kitchen would be needed? My point is, this girl shared with the world what many have known for years, corporate profits and uniform customer experience are far more important than making a product from scratch.

Sorry to disappoint you but the 90 day guys have made quite a few people naïve on this. Notice nowhere here did I take a shot at food quality, I am just trying to bring to light the fact that your food isn’t being made in that kitchen. The typical restaurant kitchen is an assembly area enforcing the corporation’s standards of uniform food quality. Do take notice that the jobs that used to pay half decent have been exchanged for those not paying much above minimum wage. It used to be a resume enhancer to say you were a cook at Applebee’s or Chili’s; but not anymore. I would say be a server, at least the tips are nice.

Johnnie Does

PS the chicken sandwich challenge is on hold until Popeye’s finally gets their act together and starts making it again.

Cable Watchers Awaken

PG&E was able to accomplish something in the last 24 hours that has not happened since the Loma Prieto Earthquake. They shook all of NorCal to the core. PG&E announced they were going to shut off power to 600-800k homes in Northern California, in 34 different counties. This has been going on, albeit on a much smaller scale, over the last couple months because…well if PG&E is liable when their equipment causes a fire, they should have the right to cut the cord to your electricity. However it was never done on a scale this large, and as a result brought out a plethora of people who are; woke, shook, naïve, and others who get all their news from cable television.

Yikes! Boy is it fun to watch this drama unfold. As a result of watching the impending doom on the 24/7 news station of their choice, people suddenly started worrying that they could be without power for weeks…or that their area was affected…and as predicted by William in this space, panic began to set in. People suddenly began talking around the watercooler about solar power, backup batteries, and generators. Overnight these otherwise clueless people became armchair preppers.

I call these people; woke, naïve, shook, and cable watchers because they take a headline written for a cable news outlet (or their website) by some guy in Atlanta, New York, or Washington, D.C. and blow it way out of proportion.

Run for your lives, they’re cutting the power

Look at this text message I received…keep in mind if you live in Sacramento County like this guy does, you get your power from SMUD not PG&E. When I reminded him of this, it didn’t deter him in the least. He kept on objecting that it was on television and the radio so it must be true. What I told him didn’t matter; he wouldn’t believe me even after providing him irrefutable evidence.

He kept objecting, “But I saw it on the news.” It wasn’t until I finally sent him an official statement from SMUD saying no blackouts are planned that he finally backed down.

(Editor’s note: I heard people voicing similar concerns at work as this was unfolding. People had no clue who their electric provider is even though they pay a monthly electric bill. I was amazed that a graphic used in a television broadcast could so easily override common sense and create such an uproar.)

Another friend of mine in PG&E territory called in a panic. I told her she wouldn’t be affected either as she lives in a heavily populated urban area…still it wasn’t good enough. Even after I sent this person the official map of affected homes from PG&E, this did nothing because she “heard it on the news.”

The blackouts have started and they are only affecting very rural areas so far; think Angel’s Camp, Mokelumne Hill, Mill Valley, and most of rural counties. The crisis has so far been averted; however, on the way home from the gym last night, I stopped at a local Safeway…and found the shelves with bottled water looking pretty bare! Therein lies the problem folks, I live in Sacramento County and it will not be affected by this shut off, yet the people who tuned in to view cable news last night missed that memo.

The general point here being, find a trusted source to get your news. The cable channels specialize in sensationalism and therefore won’t release the story until it creates the necessary drama. Sadly it had its intended result; it stirred up the natives. As a result, a lot of older and just plain naïve people were stirred into a frenzy and scared.

But hey, look at it this way, you spend $200 a month for all those channels even though you can only watch one at a time! Me on the other hand, I don’t need cable. Instead, I get to watch all of you scurry around like cockroaches because you do. That dear readers is entertainment.

Johnnie Does

Johnnie Does: Dickey’s BBQ

Dickey’s BBQ is a franchised BBQ concept headquartered in Dallas, Texas. They spend a ton of money advertising on cable calling themselves “real, Texas, BBQ.” They had a store in my town….it shut down, re-opened as a Side Burn BBQ, which I aided and abetted in their shut down (RIP). Now they have found a new sucker to re-open the store in the same location! So, without further ado here is the review.

Ambiance: When you walk into the restaurant, they yell out “Welcome to Dickey’s.” I found this weird because no one was there, sans one lady who ordered a large takeout order of sliders for her office.

Dickey’s, like everyone else, is trying to copy Moe’s Southwest Grill concept with the whole “Welcome to____” when anyone walks in, very unoriginal. Anyway, after walking in I saw one guy who was assembling the women’s order who was in front of me, the other two workers were just staring at me like I was a co-star in the “Invasion of the body snatchers.” I stood their statue like, jaw jutting out in deep thought “maybe it was a union shop and the other two couldn’t cut the meat?” Did I interrupt their break at lunchtime? Who knows?

Inspiring workplace poster for Dickey’s employees

Finally, Micaela asked what I wanted. I guess the union break was over, so I ordered the $3 pulled pork sandwich. 0/5 Literally I have seen a morgue with more ambiance.

Food: They offer BBQ faire like that found pretty much everywhere. The menu was pulled pork, brisket, chicken, ham (wtf??) ribs, spicy cheddar sausage, and polish sausage. They also offer an abundance of BBQ sandwiches like I ordered, as well as side dishes, salads, and baked potatoes. But as far as this being unique to Texas or anything…it stinks. Like literally there is nothing special about this joint. Why would you advertise Texas in California, a state that literally hates everything about Texas, without it somehow being better in flavor, portion, and quality? 1.5/5

I ordered the pulled pork using my coupon for $3 BBQ sandwich. Knowing this was likely a loss leader, I figured I would help them out and order a side of waffle fries for …. yeah $2.50. WOOF. My pulled pork was pulled from a warmer vat (not a smoker or a warmer) and the girl squeezed all the juice with her gloves. She reassured me this is how it was supposed to be made. I was born in the South and I know BBQ, this girl is either retarded or dumb, frankly you can choose.

Overall: Here is the kicker. Remember my coupon for the $3 sandwich? The staff didn’t honor it. I even showed them the digital coupon on my trusty smartphone. Maybe I am blind, but it would stand to reason when someone gets a digital coupon from corporate that the price would be honored. It wasn’t. I was charged the full amount of $6.50 for the sandwich and $2.50 for the side. I paid because, well you cannot fix stupid and I would rather these 3 idiots remain employed rather than collect unemployment. The gal told me she would bring my sandwich and fries out together after my fries were cooked because that way, they were fresh…. bad idea.

The sandwich was cold and dry, and the fries were cold…weird because they were “fried fresh.” The sandwich was somehow worse. It was dryer than dry. Like Mojave Desert dry…I had one bite and a couple of fries. I voiced my disappointment and the crew did not care. I left and when I returned to the office, I had a sleeve of Oreo’s for lunch. 0/5

This place stinks, it stinks, it stinks, it stinks. Legit Texas BBQ? Yeah, I guess not. I am certain my pulled pork was bought at the Safeway down the way, no chance they have a smoker in shop. The BBQ sauces they claim are homemade? I saw a delivery of sauces with a national name brands on them…not original, sorry. The shop was empty and it’s not hard to see why. The service is god awful and the food is a wild mashup of store-bought microwaved trash. Maybe try being legit and buy a BBQ or a smoker? Southerners everywhere must turn their noses up at this. Microwaved BBQ is what Yankees do!

Once, safely back at the office and stuffed with Oreo cookies, I complained to corporate and soon after, the franchisee called me and asked to have a meeting with me…I suggested maybe somewhere with authentic ethnic food like Taco Bell? He has been begging me to give it another try, and I have declined. He told me they pit smoke their meat every day for several hours, I guess Barney Fife and Col. Klink are minding the smoker? I feel bad for him because the food was bad and his employees stink…almost as bad as the food does. Long and short of it, save your money, because you will either get horrible food, or be overcharged for horrible food.

This place stinks….as Jon Taffer would say SHUT IT DOWN!

Johnnie Does

Johnnie Does Pizza Hut “Stuffed Cheez It Pizza”

So, I saw a wild window advertisement at a Pizza Hut around the corner from my office…new Cheez It pizza.

Yeah, my neck almost broke it snapped so quick. I entered the store and inquired, because well…like who wouldn’t? The counter guy said it’s actually a stuffed Cheez It pizza…like that makes it better???? He told me you get 4 squares of stuffed Cheez It in either cheese or pepperoni and cheese. The squares are about 4 inches by 4 inches, comes with a side of marinara sauce, because…well why not. Sells for about $6, which I guess is not terrible if it comes with a side of ER visit/ambulatory transport.

So as far as the review…yeah, we aren’t trying this. We value the gift of life too much to be aborted by this abomination. Like literally, we should protest both Planned Parenthood and Pizza Hut! This atrocity is going to kill a lot of children! Nothing says obesity in the USA than a F***ing stuffed Cheez It. Like the rest of the world is innovating…hell, even friend of the blog Elon Musk is trying to innovate…and Pizza Hut is stuffing Cheez It into pizza???? We put a man on the moon (allegedly) we fought and won world wars, we built the infrastructure in this country….and now we are stuffing Cheez Its???? I’m sure the greatest generation is proud.

What are we even doing anymore? This is literally crazy; I know we are about to storm Area 51 this weekend, but this could be even more outrageous.

This dish has to have like 90 billion million quadrillion calories, in just 1 square, let alone 4! Oh, and the emergency side of marinara, you know…just in case. Take that back, its likely the healthiest part of this dish.

Worry not though if you consumed this beast, you can likely cancel your colonoscopy as I’m sure your colon will be found to be in fine condition.

Twinkies have a shelf life so long they allegedly will survive the Zombie Apocalypse

Lastly, word has it that the military potential of another food with the shelf life of a Twinkie is being investigated by survivalists in suburban areas cross America’s heartland. If this pans out as expected, look for Pizza Hut ads on the Glen Beck show really soon.

Johnnie Does

BTW Someone get Troll a date with Hope Hicks, he hasn’t been heard from lately and we think he is giving up Hope.

Johnnie Does: Ariana’s Revisited

Ok, so I have gotten a reputation as being both very complementary and also very ruthless. You cannot and will not pull a fast one on Johnnie Does. In my short time as a food critic, I have shut down a restaurant (Side Burn BBQ) as well as provided people with key lunch advice like the Burger King tacos; ask the Blog Father, he tried them after the advice of Johnnie Does!

However this article is an updated review of Ariana’s, the Mediterranean joint where I ordered my chicken gyro bowl, seasoned with Frank’s Red Hot. As you may remember, I gave them a 0.0, and it was well deserved. I don’t think they use Franks in the Middle East and authenticity counts. Anyways, I found myself back at the scene of the review Friday at lunch. I figured since it’s a small business, I will give them another shot, most businesses are not this lucky.

I ordered at the counter again and asked for my food spicy, just like last time. I also asked the young man what sauce they use to spice the chicken….he dipped his head and said the following. “We were using Franks Red Hot sauce. It was not authentic. We were made aware of a food blogger calling us out and he ripped us, so we now have our own in house hot sauce, scratch made, and seasoned with authentic spices from Afghanistan.” I would do a humble brag but I’m pretty sure that was me who they read, it certainly wasn’t that moron from the Sacramento Bee who is a total loser. Seriously the Bee changes their food critics like I change my drawers, daily!

Anyway, I took my seat and patently waited. It took 20 minutes, but my bowl was loaded, tons of chicken, some basmati rice, cucumber, tomatoes and a lime. The sauce was yellow orange almost mustardy look, and it was amazing! WOW. The heat was great, and the spices were fire! Johnnie Does even broke a sweat, he could barely finish.

Amazing, wonderful change of pace. The counter guy came to take my dish and he asked if it was good? I asked how they knew about the bad food review and where they read it. He said a close friend of the family Googled Ariana food reviews, and this blog called reallyright.com came up and a Johnnie Does food review was brutal. He said it was a real kick in the face, a small family business and we missed the mark. We felt terrible. He called us out on our carelessness. Then I doxed (revealed) myself. I told him I am Johnnie Does. He looked defeated and I told him this is great. The sauce is wonderful, the portions plentiful. New updated score 4.3/5.

Very solid, please patronize this place and support a local small business.

Johnnie Does

Editor’s Note: I was shocked and surprised to read this post from Johnnie Does in my email last night. I found it inspiring and read it to my wife. I guess a visit to Ariana’s is in our future and hopefully your.

Johnnie Does Old Spaghetti Factory

By Johnnie Does

Spaghetti is a very heavy food and not usually a lunch option, but since the Old Spaghetti Factory is right by my office I decided to take the plunge, as usual we tried it twice. (OSF) is a small family owned business that has grown to 45 stores from its humble beginnings in 1945 by Guss Dussin. Here is the review.

Ambiance: The one near my office is a standalone building that looks like any other strip mall type venue, large, concrete and somewhat uninviting. If you want a really cool scene check out the downtown Sacramento location. The interior is very cozy with a décor reminiscent of being on a train car. The booths have Tiffany lamps and also quite a bit of gleaming brass which sets a nice tone. In one part of the restaurant, there is even a refurbished trolley car you can sit in and enjoy your meal. However, at 12:50 in the afternoon, during what should have been peak lunch time, the place was empty. When you walked into the restaurant, instead of the aroma of food, you could smell the Windex used to clean the place. 1.3/5 Disclosure: I have gone by this place during dinner hours and it seems very busy, so your experience likely will differ.

Menu/food: This is your standard Italian-American faire. Once you are seated by the hostess, you are greeting by a loaf of bread and some butter, and the menu is basically spaghetti, pasta, sandwiches, and salads. They put tons of different spins on their pasta with sauces that include: clam, garlic, Alfredo, meat, meatless, mizithra (brown butter), and pesto. I ordered the spaghetti and meatballs with red sauce, it also came with a salad, I choose creamy pesto dressing (balsamic was the only other option).

The spaghetti was standard noodles with red sauce tasting very much like Prego scooped over it. The plate also featured 2 very large baseball sized meatballs. The salad was bagged salad from a local grocer and the dressing was ladled over it as well. I was not impressed with this at all. True Italian food, the pasta and sauce are mixed together in a bowl, not just tossed on top, the meatballs were ok, but very large and you almost feel cheated just getting 2. Generally, the plating was unimpressive.

As mentioned earlier, I come back a second time and will share the reason in the conclusion when I ordered the mizithra pasta. It was very interesting to say the least, much improved and I’ll average the scores call it 2.2/5. I would definitely order this again if I come back, it was a very good cheese/butter taste.

Overall: The Old Spaghetti Factory is not much to write home about; just standard Italian faire from a decent non-chain place. I would recommend avoiding the spaghetti and meatballs; however, I did thoroughly enjoy my other meal. The price point for lunch is around $10. OSF claims great food and fast food prices. The bizarre flex here was I asked my server what the best thing on the menu was and she pointed me toward the spaghetti with meatballs, after finishing and paying my check, she shared with me her favorite is the mizithra?????????? HUH? That’s a weird flex, sweetie, you probably would have gotten a decent score if I had that meal first. 1.75/5 I don’t think I will return.

Conversations with the Naïve: 90 Day Guy

By Johnnie Does

Greetings folks, I’m taking a break from food reviews as my sodium content has put me almost into “Johnnie Does the ER” levels. So we wanted to report on a conversation with the naïve we had over the past couple weeks with our old friend 90-Day Calendar Guy.

Here are the conversations and my commentary.

The Togo’s experience: So 90-Day Calendar Guy comes into the office and is raging like a great ball of fire, claiming “have you been to a Togo’s lately?” I responded, “negative.” Apparently, he was craving a hot pastrami so he went to Togo’s and was in stunned disbelief that the sandwich was $12. I’m assuming he ordered the large. He complained about how they had to “microwave” the meat and it was a long wait for the sandwich. He remarked, “Only 2 people were working and it was lunch time!” and again he lamented the price. So he said he only ate the meat and threw the sandwich away and walked off in disgust, writing a bad Yelp review to boot. All afternoon he remarked 8 years ago it was $6!

Johnnie Does: Here is the problem with this; he, like usual, overlooks reality as he lives in fantasy land. Where to start? Ok, first you cannot really have hot pastrami sitting in a bin as health department laws make it so you have to throw it out if it’s left out too long. Frankly I prefer them making it fresh as opposed to scooping it out of a vat. I’ve never heard anyone complain of them making it to order (i.e. fresh) but I guess it’s a 90-day thing where profit is above all else? In addition, I’m more grossed out by the extreme amount of grease in the bin they “cook” the pastrami in, but to each his own.

Now on to the comments about pricing and hired help, this sums up his true naïveté. In regard to price, maybe pay attention to the minimum wage…its $11 an hour here. In regard to hired help, well it makes no sense to have extra people standing around twiddling their thumbs at $11 an hour. Service may be a buzz word, but profit is the bottom line and you may need to sacrifice service to make a couple bucks more. The bad Yelp review? No one cares dude. You have already proven your Yelp reviews are pointless as you lit up Red Robin yet visited them again a week later. Get a clue dude!

Amazon is ripping off USPS: 90-Day Calendar Guy ordered something from Amazon.com and when it showed up, it was a pair of shorts inside a USPS bag, inside another USPS bag, inside another USPS bag, inside a USPS box. He said you cannot trust the government to do anything! Saying someone paid for these bags and the USPS lost money. He proudly proclaimed USPS is being ripped off by Amazon, and he told everyone within earshot. Imagine if this guy was a professor, what original thoughts he has.

Johnnie Does: USPS gets ripped off by everyone, it undercharges and over promises. Why do they deliver on Sundays for Amazon only? At a subsidized rate to boot? This has been going on for years, it’s not new. In addition, 90-Day Calendar Guy watches more TV in a week…oh, and cable TV to boot, than I consume in a month. My point being, of all the people that should know about President Trump calling this out 2 years ago, it should be you.

Yet you claim it’s an original idea? You claim to be a bigger Trump supporter than anyone, yet you miss something like this? Maybe it’s because Sean Hannity hasn’t reported on it yet. Trump has been calling out people/corporations ripping off the taxpayers for the longest time, just now you are catching on?

In short, he has turned into a hot take machine, the world has passed him by but he is too scared to admit it. A hamburger used to cost $.25, but how much were the workers making? What was the cost of ingredients? I happen to enjoy Togo’s hot pastrami, but I haven’t had one in a while, too pricey, low quality. My advice…too bad it will never be heeded, cancel cable, go to reputable websites for news. Cable/TV is poison, it inhibits your ability to think clearly.

Johnnie Does

BTW we have exciting series about who has the best chicken sandwich coming soon, and we are officially reviewing the salsa bar Monday! That little minx better be ready.

Burger King VS Jack in the Box TACO SMACKDOWN!

By Johnnie Does

A passerby on the street approached me saying, “You review food for that website…. I need to know who has better tacos, Burger King or Jack in the Box.” I have never been to either establishment, nor could I believe tacos would possibly be on the menu, so I declined. This person insisted, saying “the champ needs to weigh in!” I reluctantly agreed, I figured this person was the “chief blogger” since he looked homeless and who knows, maybe these tacos were like filet mignon, so off we went.

For comparisons sake, we went on separate days, on an empty stomach drinking nothing but water. Here is the review!

We will only be scoring the tacos here, as the ambiance frankly was god-awful. In all honesty, if you find yourself in the drive thru at either establishment; hopefully, you’re in the passenger seat under the influence of something, or if you find yourself inside, hopefully it’s just to find a bathroom. If neither of these apply; well, seek professional help ASAP.

The Burger King was up first. According to the nice young lady behind the counter, they just recently introduced these tacos. I had seen an ad for them on TV where they said they were similar to Los Angeles type tacos. Such a claim is bananas for a company headquartered in Miami to say but oh well. The taco was $1 so I ordered two figuring I wanted to get a decent taste. They actually were decent sized, and for a buck I could not complain. I waited about 8 minutes so they were definitely made fresh.

It had real beef, likely from a burger patty, shredded melted cheese, hot sauce and some lettuce. The lettuce was very translucent and some was brown, so I picked it off. This was actually good, the hot sauce was a great touch, likely covering up lower quality beef, and the shell was deep fried–I’m sure with the meat inside.

Jack was up next.

The tacos at Jack are kind of a cult like offering, they have been around forever and are something Jack is known for. Unlike the King, Jack is headquartered in San Diego, CA. Jack offers up 2 tacos for $1.19 so it made the ordering easy. I didn’t wait long so it did come off that they were pre-cooked, frozen, or something.

They were very similar to the King, slightly smaller which is to be expected at a fraction of the cost. They contained an odd looking meat paste, lettuce, hot sauce, and a Kraft single slice of cheese. It was deep fried like the BK taco. It was comparable in taste to the BK taco, and the lettuce was fresh for sure.

The verdict: based on taste alone, without a doubt, the King takes this round. The lettuce was definitely not good, but it wins out fairly easy. Do yourself a favor next time you are stoned and have the munchies, find a few extra nickels in your pocket or under the seat cushion, hit up the King, you won’t be upset. Jack’s meat paste thing was just a major wtf.

PS for those of you asking why I didn’t hit up a legit Mexican joint…we don’t do that here at Really Right, we march to our own drummer. But since you may want to know, Blog Father and I prefer Del Taco because it has Spanish actually in the name and the fare is very, very, tasty for a fast food joint. Taco Bell on the other hand, I don’t trust a Mexican Phone Company to make a good taco, so I wouldn’t know. Also, any Mexican place with “run” or “runs” in their slogan should probably be avoided.

Next up, Johnnie Does Urgent Care for high blood pressure.