Regrettably, CRA is not the only dumpster fire we are following these days.
A young boy lived with his mother and grandparents in a village not far from the big city. Mother and grandmother doted over the boy. Mother was thrilled that her son liked many of the same things that she and grandmother liked. The young boy attended the village school. The young boy was a little slower than his peers in some areas of learning and development. Mother had two options on how to deal with this problem. Option one was to tell the son that he needs to try harder and yes it would be difficult at times. Option two was to shelter the son from his learning difficulty by convincing the teacher to selectively withhold the expectation of achieving the same standards as his peers. Mother decided that option two was better for her son.
As the son grew, he did well in school. He had great short-term memory recall and as a result, he performed well on him tests; however, logic was not his strong suit. If he was given “A” and “B”, he had difficulty getting to “C”. Others that knew him were concerned about this lack of logical thinking but since he was sheltered by mom and grandmother, nothing consequential ever resulted. At an early age it was even regarded as innocence and endearing. Of course, not knowing that he didn’t know, he thought this was the norm for people.
Like many in his generation, he was very self-focused. Upon meeting him, people were impressed with his confidence, poise, and demeanor. All anyone had to do was ask him about himself and he could talk for hours. Most adults thought he was wonderful, mature, and very together. Truly he does make a great first impression; however, those close to him notice that what other folks miss is that all he talks about is himself.
Now son is an adult. By exempting him from having to try harder in his youth, the son has not been pushed to be a fully functioning adult. Too bad for him that the real world doesn’t operate by accommodating those on the fringes of society.
Said son returned home after college and was offered a transitional period to move from being a student and into adulthood. He landed a job after college and was given a chance to live at home for $300 per month in rent. This “rent” covered his auto insurance, cell phone, and other expenses that mom was paying but felt her son should be responsible for now that he had a job. Mom continued to pay for food and did the cooking. By most standards this was a bargain. Rent also served the purpose of having him learn that along with his paycheck came the ability to pay his own way in society.
The son was told that one of the benefits of this stay at home was to get him up to speed with age appropriate responsibilities so that he could be a fully functional adult and not become the dreaded roommate from hell. However, within a short period of time it became apparent that he was unwilling to learn. He refused requests to pick-up after himself, respect others, and do his share in exchange for living at home.
Son paid no heed to those around him. When the entire household was in bed, he would do things to keep others awake. This included laundry, showers, slamming doors, having tantrums about where he left his keys, and a general disrespect of others. He was asked to shower, do laundry, and other chores while others were awake and he refused. Here are three examples compiled from eye witness accounts:
Exhibit 1 Laundry
His typical way of doing laundry was too simply to pile it on the bedroom floor until the wet towels caused the smell to become so unbearable bad that mom had to complain. Then a huge stack of it would be crammed into the washing machine with a scoop of soap and run. The clothes were frequently left at this stage of the process for several day thus necessitating the process be started all over again. Once washed, his cloths were never folded or put on hangers in the closet, instead they were wadded-up and stored on the bedroom floor or on occasion shoved in whichever dresser door was the emptiest.
Exhibit 2 Safety
One day, his hard working mom was injured at work. Mom’s back went out and she had to take time off. For several weeks, mom needed a walker and could barely move. The son had the habit of deliberately leaving his stuff in the path from the hallway to the kitchen. (Gym bag, jackets, shoes, car keys, etc.) His injured mom had to try to negotiate this minefield of crap in the common areas of the house just so she could fix the son dinner and do a few things around the house. When son was asked to be considerate of his mother’s injury, he retorted that it was unfair to be held to this standard of common decency. He felt that picking up after himself was an unrealistic expectation and he categorically refused to do it.
Exhibit 3 Dishes
While mom or others did the cooking, son was often expected to help with dishes. As you might expect by this point in the story, he approached this chore with the same gusto as laundry. Most but not all dishes made it into the dishwasher but wiping down the stove, countertops, the kitchen table and other surfaces was not done. Son dismissed the idea that cleaning the kitchen involved making it ready for the next meal. Son said that such an instruction was unfair and too difficult for him to be expected to remember despite his private college GPA of about 3.85.
After about a year of constant refusals to act his age and honor and obey him mom, the son was given the ultimatum that many parents have issued to their children, “If you don’t like it here then move out.”
For him, the ultimatum was an invitation to try the path of least resistance. He reasoned, why change or grow-up when I can solve my problem by moving out? So he did.
After living on his own for a while, the son thought it would be good to have a place to entertain people and the studio apartment that he was living in was too small for that. Thru a friend, the son was told about some poor dude that needed a roommate. I’m sure the son made a good first impression so the roommate thought he knew what kind of person that he was agreeing to live with. Son and the new roommate agreed to rent a house and each signed on for their half of a one year lease. Prior to moving into the house, the roommate knew virtually nothing about the son.
Within a short time, the roommate had had enough and asked the son to go live elsewhere. Three months after moving in, the son was shopping for a new place and by month four, the son had moved out. The new apartment where the son moved, required him to sign a one year lease.
Son now has two concurrent leases to pay. Son has maintained that it was ok to move out of the house because he could afford both leases but hoped that he could find someone to take the balance of the first lease.
Six months after signing the first lease, the son now wants to be excused from the balance that he owes. He tried asking the landlord to excuse him but they refused saying he signed the lease and thus is legally obligated to pay the money. Son thinks that it is unfair that the roommate is living by himself and really isn’t looking too hard for someone to take over the balance of the lease.
Recently the son has got it in his head that he was evicted by his old roommate despite the fact that he moved out voluntarily. Not only is he still on the lease for the house but he still retains a key. Currently, son is hunting for a lawyer to take up his cause and get him out of the remainder of the lease.
Mom is frustrated that son won’t listen to her anymore. She now regrets sheltering the son from consequences when he was a child and wishes that he had taken another path. Sadly, emotionally the son is still a child even if the calendar says he is approaching age 30. Mom jokes that the son just waited until his mid-twenties to exhibit teenaged rebellion.
If you happen to be looking on Craig’s List, Facebook, or social media for a roommate or potential spouse beware because the son is still out there.
Meanwhile, we here at ReallyRight send our condolences to the mom.
