New York Flattens the Perv

Well, it took about 18 months, but New York finally flattened something. Nope, not Covid, but their governor Andrew Cuomo.  Cuomo—once believed to be a top 2024 presidential frontrunner—resigned in disgrace after the floodgates were finally opened about his repeated sexual assaults and harassment. Please don’t confuse the “Luv Gov” with his weightlifter, health nut, Trump hating brother, Chris who doubles at Andrew’s PR guy on CNN.  Andrew may wish to take advice from his brother Chris, since it appears the two are father son, more than brothers…. just saying, but now on to the story.

Chris Cuomo

NY Governor Andrew Cuomo was accused back in December of last year of sexual harassment by multiple women.  The New York State Assembly started impeachment proceedings in March…. once they found out they weren’t impeaching Trump or seeking his tax returns, they basically folded up and quit the investigation.  At the end of February New York AG (Attorney General) Letitia James announced her own investigation into Cuomo.  The results and report finally came out on August 10th.  Trump would have been impeached about 50 times over in the same amount of time.  Justice Kavanaugh ironically was crucified, in less time, with a fraction of the charges, and no evidence at all we remind you.


PDF above is complete New York A.G. Report on Cuomo.

In the meantime, prior to the report from AG James coming out, the entire congressional delegation of New York (it’s pretty big) called on him to resign, both senators, and NYC Mayor and fellow scum bag Bill DeBlasio.  It was a rare showing of bipartisanship.  Cuomo ignored it, and so did his brother on CNN Chris.  Funny because Chris fawned all over his brother during his mishandling of Covid in nursing homes, more on this later.

Andrew “Luv Gov” Cuomo

I was not going to publish the names of the victims, but BLM always says “say their names” so here goes, names and actions of Cuomo:

Charlotte Bennett

In late February 2021, Charlotte Bennett, an executive assistant and health policy advisor to Cuomo, accused him of sexual harassment, which included questions about her sex life. In a March 5 video interview with CBS Evening News anchor Norah O’Donnell, Bennett said that during a one-on-one meeting in the governor’s office on June 5, 2020, Cuomo implied “that I was old enough for him and he was lonely.” Bennett went on to claim that Cuomo’s office director took the state’s mandatory sexual harassment training for him, “I was there. I heard [the office director] say, ‘I can’t believe I’m doing this for you’ and making a joke about the fact that she was completing the training for him. And then I heard her at the end ask him to sign the certificate.”

Anna Ruch

In early March 2021, a third person, Anna Ruch, a member of the Obama administration (who later served on Joe Biden’s presidential campaign), said that when they were speaking at a wedding reception Cuomo put a hand on her back, that she removed it, and that he then placed his hands on her face cheeks and asked if he could kiss her. A friend photographed Cuomo touching her face.

Ana Liss

On March 6, 2021, Ana Liss, a policy and operations aide to Cuomo from 2013 to 2015, became the third former aide to accuse Cuomo of sexual harassment. Liss said Cuomo called her “sweetheart,” touched her on her lower back while they were at a reception, and also once kissed her hand after she stood up from her desk.

Karen Hinton

Also on March 6, Karen Hinton, a former press aide for Cuomo when he served as the US Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, said that in 2000, Cuomo had, while meeting with her in a California hotel room, hugged her in an “inappropriate” and “unethical” embrace. Hinton has more recently worked for Cuomo rival New York Mayor Bill de Blasio.

Brittany Commisso

On March 9, 2021, the Times Union of Albany reported an anonymous member of the governor’s Executive Chamber staff had accused Cuomo of inappropriate touching. On March 11, the same newspaper reported she said Cuomo called her to his mansion, reached under her blouse, and fondled her. Cuomo denied the allegation.

On April 7, 2021, an unnamed executive assistant to Cuomo alleged that she had been summoned to the governor’s mansion in November 2020 to help Cuomo with a problem with his iPhone. After reaching him, Cuomo allegedly rose from his desk and began groping her. After the aide told him his behavior would get him in trouble, Cuomo then shut the door and said “I don’t care.” He returned and groped one of her breasts under her bra by reaching under her blouse. She then left following the groping. A month later she claimed that Cuomo told her to cover-up what had occurred. Her identity was revealed on August 8, 2021 as Brittany Commisso.

Kaitlin (last name not reported as Jenner)

On March 12, Kaitlin (last name unreported), who formerly worked for the governor’s office, alleged that Cuomo had made her feel uncomfortable in various situations, with his comments, questions, requests, and invasions of her personal space. She did not allege inappropriate touching or explicit sexual propositions.

Jessica Bakeman

Jessica Bakeman, a former member of the Capitol press corps who worked for Politico New York, wrote about the atmosphere for women in Albany, New York. On March 12, for the New York magazine website, she wrote that Cuomo had touched her on her arms, shoulders, the small of her back, and waist in 2012, and put his arm around her back and his hand on her waist posing for a picture at a holiday party in 2014 (she wrote that “For years, I would relive that moment at the holiday party”), and made multiple “humiliating” comments during her time covering him. She wrote of the incident in 2014: “Keeping his grip on me as I practically squirmed to get away from him, the governor turned my body to face a different direction for yet another picture. He never let go of my hand.”

Valerie Bauman

On March 18, Valerie Bauman, a reporter for Bloomberg, said in a tweet that during Cuomo’s tenure as New York Attorney General from 2007 to 2010, there was a period of “rampant sexism and sexual harassment.” Cuomo allegedly also made her uncomfortable with unwanted flirting and eye contact. She also claimed that in 2007, upon meeting her, “He took my hand, entered my personal space and looked into my eyes as he announced, ‘Hello, I’m Andrew Cuomo'”.]

Alyssa McGrath

On March 19, Alyssa McGrath, the first current employee to come forward publicly, spoke to The New York Times claiming Cuomo chronically ogled female aides like herself, commenting about their appearances in a way McGrath found inappropriate. McGrath also said that the aide who alleged Cuomo sexually assaulted her in the Executive Mansion “described the encounter in detail to her after it was made public in a report in the Times Union last week.” McGrath claimed that Cuomo told her not to talk with the anonymous aide about the incident.

Sherry Vill

During a March 29, 2021 Zoom news conference with an attorney, Sherry Vill alleged that Cuomo kissed her cheek in front of family members while inspecting her flood-damaged house during a May 28, 2017 visit to her Rochester-area home following a flood. Vill said the kiss was of a “highly sexual manner.” Cuomo also kissed Vill for a second time on the cheek outside her home in a “very aggressive manner.”

Unnamed state trooper

According to the August 2021 report, Cuomo met the state trooper in November 2017 and lobbied to hire her as part of his security detail despite her not satisfying the requirements for the post; she was indeed hired, and Cuomo later inappropriately touched her stomach and back, and also made inappropriate comments.

First unnamed state entity employee

According to the August 2021 report, Cuomo met this unnamed state entity employee at an event in September 2019, where he tapped and grabbed her buttocks while they were posing for photographs.

Second unnamed state entity employee

According to the August 2021 report, Cuomo in March 2020 made inappropriate comments to this unnamed state entity employee, a doctor, who had administered a nasal swab test on Cuomo at a press conference.

Virginia Limmiatis

According to the August 2021 report, Cuomo met energy company employee Virginia Limmiatis at an event in May 2017, where he touched her chest with his fingers.

Governor Cuomo finally stepped down 8/24, but on his way out, he commuted the sentences of 4 murderers, which tells me he will be running for something again soon, likely DA.  I say this because it seems like a pre-requisite to brandish your anti-law enforcement, pro crime policies to make yourself desirable to the Democrat base. (It worked in Los Angeles so why not?) Whilst doing so, he basically said he was innocent, and this was all one big witch hunt.  Isn’t call this a “witch hunt” a sexist way of saying it was the women’s fault not his?

My commentary on this is simple but may come off as male chauvinist.  First off Cuomo is wealthy, son of a former governor (Mario) and has been in politics quite literally his whole life.  He should be able to get with almost any women he wants, it shouldn’t be that hard.  (Didn’t we recently write about a mayor that behaved like this? — editor) Why the harassment?  And by the way I read quite a bit of the AG report, he is a gross sicko of a human.  Telling aides and staffers to “sit on his lap” like he is some shopping mall Santa Clause? 

Andrew Cuomo, the new Bad Santa

This guy literally seemed to make lewd comments or gestures with any member of the opposite sex he came in contact with.  It truly is a stunning fall from grace for a man who could have been governor until he didn’t want it anymore.  Especially with all the favorable press he got during Covid.

Speaking of Covid did anyone see how the new governor, Kathy Hochul, on her first day on the job released the “real number” of deaths in nursing homes under Cuomo’s rule?  Yeah, it’s an additional 12,000.  Yup, now it makes sense … all the refrigerated trucks.  What a low life scumbag this guy was.  Not only did he kill your grandparents/parents he then lied and covered it up. 

Not to be outdone, Joe Biden said Cuomo did a great job as governor. This just begs for comparing trapped Americans in Afghanistan with trapped Americans in New York nursing homes.

Kind of ironic, all his harassment and assaults of women….to think he was replaced with New York’s first women governor.  LOL


BTW that headline…. kind of Babylon Bee worthy, isn’t it?

Troll on the News-July 2021

L Brands to split into 2 companies: So L Brands which is the owner of Bath and Body Works as well as Victoria’s Secret has decided to split into 2 companies.  This move will happen in August.  They spent a lot of money on this, and the best those idiot bankers and consultants could come up with is a tax free spin off?  Wall Street Jargo like you read about.  I would have gone with “Lift and Separate” I mean isn’t that what Victoria’s Secret is famous for? 

KC Chiefs Defensive End Frank Clark facing a felony gun charge in CA:  Give this guy an all-time award for stupidity, $105 million dollar contract, Super Bowl winner rolls around in a 1993 Toyota Tercel with an Uzi in his back seat.  So this Clark fella feels he needs to live in the hood, drive a ghetto car, and pack a semi-automatic machine gun on his person?  Secondly how did he get charged with a Felony gun charge in LA County?  Seriously in that County Capital Murder is punishable by a 2 minute timeout and no ice cream for dessert.  Clark my suggestion, go with the “I was headed to the ANTIFA/BLM riot down the road”, if nothing else AOC will bail you out of jail.

Atlanta Falcons linebacker Barkevious Mingo arrested on felony indecency sexual conduct with a child on July 8th:  First of all, I thought this Barkevious was a type of tree in California, second, I thought maybe this was like a tree disease in California, nope it’s just a skid mark on society’s underpants.  He is 30 so he has had a 7 year career in the league so basically he has enough money to “buy sex” yet he picks out a child. Clearly the rich and powerful miss Jeffery Epstein.

I will say this on these two: THE NFL IS BACK BABY!!!!!!

Deranged woman attacks McDonald’s workers in Ohio suburb after not mixing all 3 slushy flavors together for her.  Cherysse Cleveland attacked the manager and another employee after they refused to “mix all three slushy flavors into one cup.”  She actually ended up getting her ass beat by an employee and arrested and charged as well.  Dang, Cherrysse it’s a stupid $1.50 per slushie, what a rookie move to not just order all 3.  Also why not go to, I don’t know, a place famous for making your own slushy like 7/11?  We cannot post the video or I would provide additional commentary on what I saw.

  1.  The lady with the headset throwing the haymakers:  Total pro move, knowing you needed to keep working the drive thru headset whilst beating her a**.  Gotta be peak efficiency.
  2. Cherysse here folks shows us the female silverback in her natural habitat.
  3. CNN I heard was starting a GoFundMe for her legal fees.
  4. Have to admire the form on Cherrysse prior to getting handcuffed, she knew what to do, this wasn’t her first rodeo.
  5. Is it sad I was waiting for the zookeeper to be called in to tranquilize this animal?  Who beats up minimum wage workers over a stupid slushy?
  6. Wanna bet that Cherrysse isn’t working because she makes more on unemployment by staying home

Governor Newsom denies 21 oil drilling permits in Tulare County:  I want to congratulate our benevolent King on his latest decree, I love paying big $$$ for gas.  Makes me feel like a big shot…its ok I can afford it!  Seriously talk about Common Core Math at work, less supply must equal lower gas prices, right?  State Oil and Gas director Uduak-Joe Ntuk sent the letter and claimed it was in the “public health and safeties best interests to deny them.”  I thought the Russians were folks who loved Trump and the oil industry, guess this person didn’t get the memo.  We do not assume gender here at  Secondly have either of you been to Tulare County?  It reeks of cow dung, public health from a couple more wells won’t matter much.

Bill Cosby released from jail:  Just in time for his Jell-O pudding pop with depends boy Biden!  BLM finally gets on of their own outta jail, may I suggest Bill Clinton replaces him?  Oh wait he was the first black president sorry Barack.

Steve Ballmer in rare form at a Clipper game:  The former Microsoft CEO and current Clippers owner did a wild celebration mid-way through the game.  Pictured is the move.  I’ll call it the double dick grab…wild move outta Ballmer.  Ballmer though is certifiably crazy, like a total lunatic.  Also has anyone every seen Ballmer and the Penguin from Batman Returns in the same room?  I think they are the same person.  #HeToo on this celebration.  By the way, I wonder what Clipper’s super fans Pat Sajak and Billy Crystal have to say about this! 

In closing, that double grab thing, I want to experiment by doing it to Jen Anniston and Carli Lloyd, you two down?  I’ll call it the double D grab.

Steve Ballmer grabbing for a lifeline or something. Why ESPN calls this celebrating is disturbing .


Johnnie Does, you medium rare pink B***h first of all Carli is super-hot, secondly my mother provides me 3 square, nutritious meals a day, and I do not live in her basement, I call it “my place.”  Secondly I saw Jake the Snake the other week, and during his sermon he used props of a branch, an apple and said he forgot his last prop, so a live snake is out and about at your place.  Sleep with both eyes open hardo.

This Week in Trolling

What a couple weeks it has been.  CA has now safely re-opened so that weak link of this blog, Johnnie Does, can finally start reviewing food again.  Seriously that guy pulled off a bigger heist than the criminals did to EDD.

Well, here we go. Let’s start with a story:

I left a copy of the Babylon Bee’s recent article about Gavin Newsom giving 5 lucky winners in the vaccine lottery a free U-Haul to move out of state.  The Babylon Bee is a satirical publication; call it a rightwing version of The Onion.  Well, a certain colleague walked by and felt he needed to read it. He bought it hook, line, and sinker.  He asked why the Governor would be paying for people to leave the state?  I responded saying well only 5 people are so lucky.  He became lost in thought wondering why we would shrink our tax base by choice, and with prizes funded by taxpayers like him to boot.  I told him think of it this way, getting the shot could get you a one-way, all expenses paid trip to move out.  The only other “trip” in CA I am aware of involves the hippy grass and that is never free. 

But this story gets even better. I also had a copy of the “Here Are The Vaccine Incentives Being Offered In Each Of The 50 States” article by the same publisher.  He grabbed that article off my desk as well and said this is unreal.

Look at the freebies we are giving out!  I mean Arkansas was giving out a 12 pack of Busch Light and a scratcher for Christ sakes!  He bought it again folks, even saying Alabama offering free photos of you and your sibling’s wedding!  Oklahoma is offering free horseback lessons with Liz Warren!  The list was so funny as well as preposterous!   Michigan offering a free abandoned house?  Minnesota free admission to the police academy?  But he bought it. Even Connecticut giving away “a crappier version of what New York is giving away.”  Not to be outdone as I was trying to convince him this was satire, I showed the article saying “Putin, puts sign on Joe Biden’s back saying “if found return to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.”  He still bought it.  For a while, I thought I was being trolled but nope, he believed every outrageous syllable. I guess I will go ahead and say, Babylon Bee 2, New York Times 0, naïve folks 0. This was a brutal week for low information cable viewers.

I did follow-up with him, and he said he still believes that to be true.  To which I replied, well you got the vaccine, so you’re in the lottery, best of luck to you.  I still feel I was trolled!

US Women’s Soccer Star Megan Rapinoe becomes new Victoria’s Secret model/ambassador:  Rapinoe best known for saying “f**k Donald Trump” every chance she can, as well as speaking loudly about equal pay, BLM, and other anti-American rhetoric signed on after bad mouthing Victoria’s Secret for a couple years.  I guess if the check clears the bank… right? 

Soccer Star Megan Rapinoe Photo courtesy of AMC’s TWD

Rapinoe will be joining Priyanka Chopra Jonas (a trans model) and someone named “Sampaio” as the new models.  They ditched the term “Angel” and these women are claiming they won’t be modeling skimpy underwear.  First of all, you couldn’t have picked either of Rapinoe’s more attractive teammates?  Like any of them?  Maybe favorites of the Troll such as Carli Lloyd or Alex Morgan?  Why an America hating troll?  Are they trolling me?  Look on a serious note, I get the whole inclusive thing and rape/sex culture thing, but if you are the best like top 5% of what you do, shouldn’t you be allowed to hit the red carpet?  I know Rapinoe likes a different kind of carpet, and that’s ok.  But like Top Serial Killers for example?  We can have Ted Bundy and co strut their stuff?  Just saying.  Last thing on Rapinoe, we will be exposing you’re really sad 180 you have done on all issues since Biden got elected, but hey if the check clears right!

The man who reported on Bill Clinton and Loretta Lynch infamous tarmac meeting found dead:  Let me guess another suicide?  Married, 3 kids, seems like the suicide type, right?  Wanna bet it’s two bullet holes in the back of his skull? Since we are using the Babylon Bee as a trusted news source now, they are reporting if you know the Clintons you have an 843% higher chance of committing suicide.  Frankly if you know the Clintons or report on them what is their average lifespan?  I guess as soon as a thug takes them out! 

And….OMG NOOOOOO Kamala Harris just tweeted out Joe Biden has dirt on the Clinton’s…well congrats on becoming President Kamala!  We have not confirmed whether the tweet was sent out with her on her knees or not, we hope you stay tuned for those reports.

And finally for this week.  A US Senator Trolled far better than I ever could.  Seriously, Rand Paul tweeted this at Dr. Anthony Falsie after it was reported the publisher would not publish his book.  Just a classic burn by Senator Paul, maybe I have lost my fastball as a troll? 

Til next time, admire the lovely yet out of work Hope Hicks, Carli Lloyd, Alex Morgan, and Jen Anniston.

Editor’s Note: we have previously published photos of Hope Hicks and Jen Anniston for Troll so due to space considerations please views his previous posts for classic photos of these women. However, since he has added two more to the mix, I had to look them up and this is what I found for Carli Lloyd and Alex Morgan.

Alex Morgan too hot for the woke version of Victoria’s Secret
Carli Lloyd too hot for the woke version of Victoria’s Secret

Troll on Covid-19

By Troll

Gotta hand it to Gavin Newsom, or Comrade Newsom as he is known here. But he has a total read on this virus, so much so I would say he should add the acronym MD after his name! I mean look at what he has instilled to keep us unwashed masses safe from the ‘rona.

Banned indoor dining, apparently the virus only goes inside restaurants, it doesn’t affect those in tents outside.

Kept Indian Casinos open…. well I mean I guess the witch doctor knows it won’t enter a casino.

Closed gyms for indoor use, I guess once again this virus is attracted to indoors only, not the outdoor workout areas.

Can’t swim at the OUTDOOR pool at the gym, but you can use the city owned Wackford Water Park!

Can’t congregate at the local speakeasy, yet you can take your booze to go from a restaurant! MADD must just be trilled.

You can’t get a haircut inside, yet outside is ok …. what about all those chemicals used to dye, color, polish etc. girls nails and stuff? I guess we can overlook that.

Banks have strict social distancing requirements leading to very long lines outside the building, I guess Newsom wants us to go full Venezuela circa 2000. BTW what is this about a coin shortage?

Closed wineries unless you buy food…. Huh? remember again bars are closed with no food option allowed. By the way Plump Jack Winery in Napa, is still open, it happens to be owned by Comrade Newsom. He obviously thinks his own rules are silly.

Workers social distancing at Plump Jack Winery

Speaking of Plump Jacks anyone seen Hope Hicks lately?

Customers at Plump Jack Winery beat the ‘rona by dining outdoors

You cannot play basketball or use the jungle gym at the local park where your property tax is spent, but you can play soccer or have a picnic. This virus seems very selective with whom it impacts!

County lines are also a red line in the sand for this virus, while it is active in Sacramento, Yuba, Sutter, Placer and San Joaquin county, it does not enter El Dorado County. I cannot quite figure that out. it’s not like Comrade Newsom is buying a house there….oh wait he is! Equipped with a fence, and guards. I mean can we get that at the border!!!!!!!!

Schools are closed for indoor learning, but fear not, your children can use Zoom to meet with their teachers and study, with breaks given to raid the cookie jar or liquor cabinet pending the age of said child.

Fear not the beaches are open, because apparently the ‘rona avoids hot women in bikinis like the plague, no chance it spreads there.

If you want to shake hands, please don’t, but if you want a Tinder hook up Dr. Falsie says its ok. Notice he left out Grindr the hook up app for gays…is Falsie a bigot? Tune in at 11 for more on this report!

Oh, and since this blog will likely be posted on the Sabbath, thank god churches are closed for indoor services, wouldn’t want the ‘rona affecting folks who socially distanced and wore masks. However, the Comrade is allowing outdoor services (except weddings or funerals), and our priest said we can attend and bring water and a blanket to sit on. So, I guess this is like the Civil War redux? Am I allowed to fire up the BBQ and put some brats on for after the 11 am service on Sunday?

This is so sad and wrong. Literally folks in 30 years will be laughing at us, and this will be the legacy of quite a few generations. Hence you think this is a far-rightwing blog written by a fringe knucklehead? The Blog Father and I are a decade or two apart and we seem to see eye to eye more often than not.

Oh, by the way, I have come up with new nicknames for the leadership of this state and county regarding this virus.

Heimrich HimmlerGavin Newsom as we must praise him at every turn, cross or disobey him and you will be shut down and never seen again!

Josef GoebbelsDr. Peter Beilenson, Goebbels was Hitler’s propaganda minister, we at the blog knew this but want to make sure its archived since we seem to be erasing history at a faster pace than the polar ice caps are melting.

Until next time, keep your eyes on the plump jacks of Hope Hicks….

The Troll

Troll on the News April Edition

I am back…. I self-quarantined with photos of Hope Hicks and microwaveable frozen foods during these troubling times. Thankfully, I was able to avoid catching Covid-19 at my local place of worship. Oh, and by the way “Pope Francis” why were you so scared of this virus transmitting that you cancelled church? Did it occur to you during your ritual of Communion (I would call it a rite, but you took the rights of Catholics away to receive communion) you refer to the wine as “The blood of Christ” as in we drink his blood? Anyways here we go…….

Two inmates released early from jail re-arrested: Color me shocked! Shocked! You mean to say violent folks deemed a threat to society when released early may commit another crime? Maybe we need Harvard or Yale to commence a study on this. I am sure this is a setup, look at how nice these folks look!

Rocky Lee Music, 32, walked out of Santa Rita Jail in Dublin at around 8pm on Sunday. Before 9pm, he had allegedly carjacked a motorist and was hauled off back to jail.

Oh, and what exactly is a Rocky Lee Music, I find that hard to believe that was a given name.

Fake Meat now on the Menu at many Chinese Restaurants:

On Wednesday, Beyond Meat started selling its plant-based food in China through thousands of Starbucks cafes.

Fast-food chain KFC said it will also start trialing fake chicken nuggets from next week.

Well I know at one point they needed 5,000 urns in Wuhan Province alone for the dead, I guess the wet markets had left over “human byproducts to process.” This is the key to a good fake meat because honestly who knows what that stuff is supposed to taste like. We all know Soylent Green is people, but now we know from where.

Lysol Parent Company urges folks not to inject their products: As much as I want to say this was satire, it actually happened via a press release, but in a world where young people eat Tide Pods, and huff spray paint or glue, and aquarium chemicals, I guess you better get out in front of it. The release tries to blame Trump; however, I can’t see many of Trump’s supporters being so stupid, the Bernie folks however……

Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer creates a COVID-19 Task Force: Its sole purpose is to look into why so many minorities are dying of Corona. Yeah, I’m just glad this reasonable person is worried about her constituent’s well-being. The most salient issue of this virus is why it kills black and brown people yet ignoring that those 2 demographics are people who tend to smoke/drink to excess. But I’m sure this mission critical committee will tie this to Trump. I can see the headline now “Trump diet of Filet O’Fish and Big Macs, caused him to fart out COVID-19, and it mutated to kill minorities since Trump hates them so much.

An Australian physician recently addressed the concern that farts could theoretically spread COVID-19 by propelling minute particles of coronavirus-infected feces ? like the way a cough can spread droplets containing the virus.

Dr. Norman Swan recommended during a podcast for the Australian Broadcasting Corp. that citizens shouldn’t fart “close to other people” or “with your bottom bare.”

Stephen Colbert Has A Gas With Doctor’s Warning On Farts Spreading Coronavirus

Heiress to “Hot Pockets” wants to serve jail sentence at home: She is supposed to serve 5 months in jail, likely to be let out in 3, apparently other folks in jail have tested positive and she, living a life of privilege, feels she doesn’t have to play by the rules. Sorry Toots, every time I bought “Hot Pockets” half off as a young lad, I always paid full price in the morning. As far as I am concerned, Corona is a fair punishment for the price your customers paid. Janav’s paid Rick Singer (college admissions scandal) a hefty fee to make her daughter seem like a beach volleyball recruit….so apparently her daughter’s resume was as fake as the meat in said Hot Pockets!!!!

AOC only Democrat to vote against COVID-19 relief package: How does that song go…”and the waitress is practicing politics, and the bartender slowly gets stoned???” I think either can describe AOC and sometimes she may even do both at the same time and hallucinate herself. That is one dumb broad.

Colin Kaepernick pledges 100,000 to aid Black and Brown Communities during Coronavirus: Maybe he would be a good fit on Governor Whitmer’s committee? Why do I have a feeling if a white person donated 100k to help the white community it wouldn’t go over as well?

Land O’Lakes removes Indian Girl from Packaging: Let me guess, the White people kept the land!!!!! This is unreal! An outrage! Fear not fellow readers I’ve spoken to “The Chief Blogger” and his people plan to build an Indian Casino on that land!

Since Lent is over, more Hope Hicks for you all to see!!!!!


Andrew Gillum had one Hell of a Thursday Night

We take a break from the coronavirus meltdown to bring you one heck of a story out of Florida involving former Tallahassee Mayor and Governor nominee Andrew Gillum.

Andrew Gillum

Police swept the room and found 3 bags of crystal meth. Gillum was allowed to leave and return to his residence…I guess he pulled the “I’m a former governor candidate card” many of us can never use. Any other citizen gets bracelets put around their hands and escorted to the “blue roof inn”. But wait there is more….the man who was coked out of his mind on methamphetamines? He is a 30 year old gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that) male escort. He had a profile on his name is Travis Dyson.

Andrew Gillum and male escort Travis Dyson

Here is where it gets far worse for Gillum. He released this statement Friday morning ““I was in Miami last night for a wedding celebration when first responders were called to assist one of my friends. While I had too much to drink, I want to be clear that I have never used methamphetamines,” he said. “I apologize to the people of Florida for the distraction this has caused our movement.”

However, this statement from his male escort friend says otherwise “Gillum was too drunk to speak to the police when they arrived at the scene,” documents say. Speaking to the Miami New Times, Dyson said that Gillum did not mention attending a wedding. In his statement, Gillum referred to Dyson as a “friend.” Dyson said that he and Gillum had been friends since last spring. Dyson told the website, “I personally was not celebrating a wedding. I don’t know if [Gillum] was in town for a wedding. He did not mention that.” I think most would kindly admit they were there for a wedding to the friends they “rented by the hour.”

Ok…so the troll has been wound up…. GET HIM!!!!!!!!

One thing I know about this guy, he did it for the entire world to see. He confirmed it. It’s a fact. It’s not subjective. He cannot argue it…Andrew Gillum BLOWS! When you ran for Governor, you lectured us in our ear….while you were taking it in the rear!!!! Is it bad that the first thing I thought of when I saw this story was I hoped it included Anderson Cooper and Don Lemon (his 2 CNN co-workers) in hope this was like some perverse love Oreo? Democrat politicians have a checkered and long record with threesomes, just Google Chris Dodd and Ted Kennedy; their favorite “sandwich” was them plus a random waitress in between them, usually after closing time.

US Senators Teddy Kennedy and Christopher Dodd

Somewhere former DC Mayor Marion Berry is smiling in heaven.

Convicted criminal and Washington DC Mayor Marion Barry

God, what a liar you are Gillum, saying the meth wasn’t yours. 3 men, 3 bags…. oh wait, that’s not Common Core math, never mind. How come you didn’t use the excuse it was sugar? And you needed to add it to your Cuban Roast Coffee? Don’t worry young Andrew, a similar situation happened to failed candidate Stacy Abrams in Georgia…. oh wait, that was Crisco and Pixie Sticks!

Stacy Abrams proves Undeniable Truth of Life #24:
Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women access to the mainstream of society.

We interrupt this transmission to bring you a coronavirus update…. WAIT WHAT? Get the **** outta here with your update! I’ve got a case of Corona too, it’s in my fridge!!!!!!!

Andrew Gillum welcome to the big leagues; however, in today’s media you must prove your innocence, just like Trump colluded with Russia, you colluded with a homosexual male escort. Sorry one of those things is true. Ok, Ok I will cut him some slack, people have gone to jail for drugs when it was actually just donut glaze or bird droppings, I say we give it a day or two. Can you just see it? Three gay men in an orgy eating donut glaze…. oh God I’m going to puke. Asking for a friend though, could this be a new Two and a Half Men show rebirth?????

UPDATE: Marion Berry just put down his crack pipe in heaven, even he is in awe.

How ironic would it have been for Florida to have a meth head governor, along with a first lady, and first “side piece?” Even better, Meth…. hotel…. Florida…. multiple dudes, the new Democrat Party has a few soldiers on the front lines. Even better wait….Is this guy the Black Ed Buck? (Two African-American men have been discovered dead in Buck’s West Hollywood home since 2017 due to drug overdoses. Several reports indicated that Buck had a history of bringing African-American men to his house, where he would reportedly inject them with crystal methamphetamine for sexual gratification. In January 2019, a coalition of 50 civil rights organizations called for law enforcement to investigate the matter. On September 17, 2019, Buck was arrested and charged with three counts of battery causing serious injury, administering methamphetamine, and maintaining a drug house. Buck is a white major Democrat donor in California, where the above arrests are barely considered illegal by the way.

Ed Buck on the way to lock up

I do actually feel bad; if only Andrew was elected governor he could afford the pure stuff not the knock off crystal meth. Frankly a politician should have at least splurged for some cocaine. Here is a photo of Gillum with Obama, Obama is famous for doing blow and bragging about it….fear not Mayor Gillum you are also famous for doing a different kind of blow! It’s funny, I looked up a photo of your “friend” and wow talk about toxic masculinity…. how will you ever recover from this one? I can only imagine what Radical Madcow and Fidel O’Donnell on MSNBC will think of you now. Gillum if I was you, I would get out in front of this news ASAP, because I don’t think you want it to stay behind you too long…or am I wrong?????

Andrew Gillum with Barack Obama– blow brothers

Actually Andrew, on second thought, I think Joe Biden should name you Secretary of the Drug Enforcement Agency, looking at your record you seem to be an obvious choice! Folks let’s not worry about his wife too much, rumor has it she was in a room 2 doors down with a bottle of champagne, some cocaine, and her own male escort! Guess the family that stays together, plays together, or at least enjoys the same recreational activities.

Folks in a bit of seriousness, Gillum is your typical hypocrite, telling you what to do and what is right whilst living a second life. Gillum is married, and has 3 children. Gillum likely can say goodbye to any political career for a while.

A couple other trolls got in on the fun as well. Tweets are below. Definitely no Hope for this guy…. but maybe there is still HOPE for me????

You may now resume panicking as you continue watching the 24/7 coverage of the Toilet Paper Apocalypse

Mayor Pete is a Sociopath: It’s Obvious

By Troll

Mayor Pete Buttigieg, which is apparently pronounced Boot Edge Edge…I prefer Booty Judge due to obvious reasons but I digress. Ignoring his obvious homosexual tendencies (as in Seinfeld not that there’s anything wrong with that) he is a confirmed sociopath and not electable. Allow me to make my case.

Exhibit A: How he eats a cinnamon roll.

Just look at that, that’s a crime against humanity. He apparently unrolls his cinnamon roll like a crazy person, and proceeds to cut it up, and eat it like a chicken wing. Literally, he is not electable. Almost as bad as his next culinary fallacy. I still recall President Donald J Trump telling his young son Baron, cut up the pancake and take small bites while on the campaign trail, apparently Booty Judge took it literally.

Exhibit B: Mayor Pete likes to mix salsa and ranch together to form a secret sauce.

Pictured: Most Reverend Alfredo Sharpton and Mayor Pete praying their sacrifice may be accepted to which ever god they believe in. Sharpton had just washed the blood of his hands from a local BLM demonstration, Mayor Pete fresh off filling the number 2 hole.

Seriously what kind of crazy person mixes salsa and ranch together? Only a completely out of touch Mayor. He literally said this last week:

“I realize this might become one of my most controversial statements,” says the first openly gay Presidential candidate. “But you gotta understand, where I come from, we’re not purists about these things. Obviously, salsa is salsa and ranch is ranch, but if somebody’s gonna mix ‘em up, I’m not above dipping a tortilla chip in it and enjoying the mix of flavors.”

In most controversial stance yet, Mayor Pete comes out in favor of mixing ranch and salsa

Umm so I guess were calling that piece of genitalia a tortilla chip now? Wild move.

In closing, this guy is guilty of pre-crime your honor. Let’s arrest him for something before we read about him have a ton of bodies buried in his back yard. What kind of crazy person eats their cinnamon roll like a chicken wing, and who the heck thinks salsa and ranch together makes a decent combination?

The Troll

The Supreme Pontiff Calls out “The Troll”

By Troll

The Blog Father sent an urgent communication to Jake the Snake which he received while at work yesterday. It was an article that said the Pope during his sermon (or homily) earlier this week said folks should refrain from trolling during Lent.*

On Wednesday, Pope Francis added a modern twist to the list of things to quit during the season and beyond: insulting people on social media.

The pope made his appeal to tone things down while speaking to tens of thousands of people in St. Peter’s Square for his general audience on Ash Wednesday, the start of the 40-day season that leads up to Easter.

Pope to Catholics: For Lent, give up trolling
Pope Francis

Just like in the presidential debates, when you call someone out or invoke their name, they get a chance to respond….so Jake put out the Bat Signal and………………..Troll Attack!!!!!!!

At first, Troll thought for certain the signal was a notification of a direct message from Hope Hicks, but alas it was not to be. Once he heard the Pope was gunning for him; however, Troll reacted mercilessly with the following rant.

Batten down the hatches readers Troll takes zero prisoners, better hope he doesn’t get after you next!

First of all……lighten up Francis! Because no one has been a bigger troll than you since you became Pope. Maybe rather than talking down and looking over your fiefdom, you should talk to the actual people; like you once did when you started as a priest and again as a bishop? Back in the day when you didn’t ride around in a Popemobile and didn’t wear such a ridiculous hat?

Give it to me again……give it to me again…..I’m just heating up!!!!!!!

Remember that time when you slapped that poor ladies hand when she tried to touch you…..haven’t you heard of the #metoo movement! Sorry I need to give up trolling on Twitter so…Me Too Movement! You may have apologized, but who do you confess your sins to!!!!!! Jesus himself????? I would love to think your confession penance was to kiss and make up….but that’s only allowed with priests and young boys!!!!!!!

Give it to me again…..Give it to me again…..Give it to me again!

Speaking of the young boys scandal, why do you continue to hide bishops, priests and others who actually did abuse their victims? You know like maybe de-frock them and allow prosecutors to do their job, you may be wealthy and powerful (the Pope usually is one of the most wealthy) but you’re not above the law.

Ok I caught my second wind……Give it to me again…give it to me again!!!!!!!

Why Francis, do you continue to apologize for the church’s misdeeds? Every Easter and Christmas service I hear the same speech which I am told comes directly from you. Look, these folks I call Creasters–they attend at Christmas and Easter only–which I don’t see as being a big deal, yet we constantly pander to them…how come? They do attend on what most would say are the two most important days of Holy Obligation.

One last time Troll…..Troll him!!!!!

Francis, why have you in essence become a Democrat? I say that because you take to the pulpit and you constantly lecture us on what Marx said we should do, not what the Bible says. Shouldn’t your job be to grow the church? Why did I see a sermon from you on how the death penalty is immoral, even though the Bible says “an eye for an eye?” If God didn’t believe in the death penalty then why did Jesus have to die? You tell us in America we must take refugees and immigrants, yet the Vatican where you reside is a closed environment surrounded with a large wall and security force? Must be nice to “do onto others as you would do onto yourself.” I say you are a Democrat not because of your social justice upbringing but because you have made the church into an apologist for all we have done bad over the years, yes, the Bible shares some very nice things from our past, yet why must we continue to apologize for it? I don’t hear Japan apologizing for Pearl Harbor each year!

Oh Boy one last time…..give it to me again….give it to me again!!!!!

Francis, do us a solid, quit worrying about Twitter trolls, because they will not stop; instead, spread the good news of the Bible. The church used to be something where differences were tolerated, now we get shamed or demeaned constantly, all under your tutelage. I used to attend a church where our priest once gave a pro-Prop 8 sermon, I visited that church last year, and it’s so far left of center now, I thought they would be sponsoring an abortion clinic and conducting gay marriages. My current place of worship is now dominated by folks with Bernie or Hillary bumper stickers; keep in mind those same people while being social justice warriors like you, elect apostate Catholics to office at the State and federal level who want to spend my taxpayer dollars to fund abortions thru all nine months of pregnancy!

Ok I lied….I’ll hit confession Friday….give it to me again……give it to me again!!!!!

Finally how come you don’t stick up for Christians? We are being persecuted as a group throughout the Middle East, and now in Europe, for nothing other than our Catholic faith. Additionally ISIS has said they want you and all Christians dead. Yet you don’t speak out against any of this. Funny that you find time to tell me about how bad my beliefs on the death penalty are? Or chide me that I’m not all in on the myth of global warming? I thought you were supposed to say God is in charge not man. You won’t stick up for Christians in China either but give your blessing to the government that persecutes your flock. You should be focused on growing the church, yet you choose these dumb social justice fights? And worse yet you choose to talk about the evils of trolling? Like you ever actually use Twitter? Maybe you should be more like President Trump and clean house….remove the filth, turn over the bad apples to local prosecutors…most seem more than willing to knee cap the church anyway…..let them do it! As far as folks whose beliefs stray from the church’s teachings on; abortion, pre-marital sex, the death penalty etc? They will answer to God upon death, and that’s ok. But please, please stop this senseless trolling you have done since you were elected Pope, or step down….because if I looked up rudderless ship in the dictionary, it would be a photo of the Vatican.

The Troll

Let me leave you with some additional photos of future Mrs. Troll as I will give her up for Lent!

  • Bloggers note: Lent is a season in Christianity leading up to Easter, where for the layman us Catholics “give up” something for Lent…basically an almsgiving. I personally Hope the Troll gives up Hope, because we can all agree there is none for him.

Trump Pardons the Original Troll

Greetings again. I take a break today from professing my love for Hope Hicks to highlight a man who laid the groundwork for me to troll on the internet today! I am talking about the Original Troll, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich!

former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich

“Blago” as everyone in Illinois called him, was elected in 2002. When the one term US Senator Barack Obama won the Presidency in 2008, Blago decided he could sell Obama’s old Senate seat to the highest bidder.

I’m really being serious. Just dig into these recordings of him. “I’ve got this thing, and it’s f******g golden. I’m just not giving it up for f******g nothing. It’s a f******g valuable thing, you just don’t give it away for nothing. If I don’t get what I want … I’ll just take the Senate seat myself.” Oh, my, God, that is pure gold.

But wait, he was not done, listen to all these additional requirements….

  • A substantial salary for himself at either a non-profit foundation or an organization affiliated with labor unions.
  • Placing his wife on paid corporate boards where he speculated she might garner as much as $150,000 a year. (Same deal Michelle Obama got when Barack was Senator)
  • Promises of campaign funds—including cash up front.
  • A Cabinet post or ambassadorship for himself to Serbia.

I respect a man who is always looking for his next move, and especially one looking out for his wife’s well-being. I love the non-profit foundation board, everyone could use a write-off, and one affiliated with organized labor to boot? Who did this guy think he was? Corporate Board appointments? Always a plus; solid do nothing gig with access to private jets! Campaign cash up front…talk about a personal slush fund, what a guy! A cabinet post or ambassador to Serbia? Ok that is a wild move! Why not the Bahama’s or something?

Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich

But wait there was even more…..This guy was also charged with these crimes:

  • Attempting to extort the owners of the Tribune Company to fire Chicago Tribune editors who criticized the governor’s handling of state affairs.
  • Abuse of power concerning release of US$8 million of state funds to Children’s Memorial Hospital expecting to obtain a $50,000 campaign contribution.
  • Seeking graft in the form of $2.5 million in campaign contributions (through 2008) from companies and individuals who have received state contracts or appointments.

Extorting a newspaper is a total mob boss move…no shock as Blago hails from Chicago. Ripping off a children’s hospital…wow…that’s, yeah, not cool. I’m sure Hell won’t be your only stop. As far as grafting campaign contributions, well pretty much any political type does that.

However it wasn’t just his crimes, this guy literally believed his poop didn’t stink. He was king of the bizarre interview, speaking to anyone and anybody about his innocence. I still remember him on the Glenn Beck program on Fox News doing a 30 minute interview of him denying it was him on the recordings. Even doubling down saying it wasn’t illegal. The interview was so bizarre Beck apologized at the end to the viewers, right in front of “Blago,” saying that it was a complete and total waste of time. Not to be outdone, he went on David Letterman, (also a troll) and Dave gave it back to him, like only Dave could. Blago said he wanted to be on Dave’s show in the worst way….only for Dave to retort “this is the worst way.” Check out this zinger while he was on vacation from his publicist, “I’m saddened and hurt, but I am not surprised by the indictment. I am innocent. I now will fight in the courts to clear my name.” Wow, he still got 14 years in jail, serving 8, until Trump pardoned him yesterday.

In closing I will say this, “Blogo” likely was given a sentence that was harsh, but he acted like a total gavone through his entire existence as Governor. Very few people could be less contrite when hit with the crimes he was hit with. Only worse, he then made the rounds telling anyone who would listen how innocent he was and this was all a witch hunt or a conspiracy. Like I said earlier he was an original troll, he trolled all of us, thinking this was some kind of big game or something. The whole episode was fun to watch, but man was it painful at the same time. I will never forget being on the toll road in Illinois and seeing his name all over the “Open Road Tollways” talk about a classic troll move…hopefully those signs were removed.


Got to give Blago credit though, he literally nailed the corrupt politician look. Just look at him, Black poofy hair, s**t eating grin, absolutely no self-awareness at all. Think Michael J Fox channeling a TV preacher soliciting contributions.

If Sprit of Halloween needed a corrupt politician costume, just sell copies of that guy.

Trolling the News for Feb 2020

Florida police arrest Major League Baseball player at Dollar Tree for a solo “home run.” Here are the details:

Reese McGuire at bat

Toronto Blue Jays catcher Reese McGuire has been charged with indecent exposure after exposing himself in a Florida parking lot Friday, authorities say.

The 24-year-old athlete was arrested in Dunedin, Florida — where the Blue Jays spring training facility is located — after police responded to a 2:07 p.m. call of a man exposing himself while sitting inside an SUV parked outside of a Dollar Tree store, according to the report from Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office.

Blue Jays Catcher Reese McGuire Arrested in Florida for Exposing Genitals

That arrest headline literally reads like a Mad Lib from my youth, that didn’t actually happen, did it?

Worst part is, its as bad as it sounds. Like you’re caught stroking your salami, in a parking lot, near a Dollar Tree, in your Mercedes, watching porn. Like, that’s a wild move! If he did this in the comfort of his own home it’s not a crime at all, but instead, he does this in front of the store! Yikes. Can you imagine the 911 call?

Hope Hicks Returns to White House as a Senior Advisor: Speaking of stimulating, the Troll could not be happier about this one. Only one problem, she is now a senior at 31? She still looks great by the way!

Hope returns to the White House

Hope Hicks, formerly President Donald Trump’s most trusted and longest serving aide, is expected to return to the administration in the coming weeks, sources familiar with the matter tell ABC News.

Hicks, who departed in early 2018, will return in the coming weeks as a senior adviser reporting to Jared Kushner, the president’s son-in-law. Her official title will be counselor to the president.

Hope Hicks returning to Trump White House as senior adviser

“There is no one more devoted to implementing President Trump’s agenda than Hope Hicks,” Mr. Kushner said in a statement. “We are excited to have her back on the team.”

Hope Hicks photo from Troll

Hey, stay away from her Kushner! You have Ivanka, and she is another favorite of Troll, so let’s have a truce, shall we! I’m more than excited she is back!

Hope Hicks photo from Troll

Jarrold Nadler was skeptical: “I’m not thrilled the underwear model is returning to the White House.” Ummm how would you know Jarrold? You dumb humpty dumpty… just fall off the wall already. That being said however, I would love to see her work. I’m a huge fan by the way… and I’m going to IM the Trumpster to see if Hope is single…Because, I need Hope in my life!!!!!!!

Troll Hopes he and Jen are Friends

UPDATE: Jennifer Aniston, I call her Jen by the way, is not handling this well, posting this photo of herself. It is pure jealousy, but it’s ok. I may circle back to Jen if no Hope exists.

The Troll