Troll on the News: November Edition

First time, long time folks, but I had to get off Hope Hicks for a moment….so here we go.

Former NFL Running back Zac Stacey charged with domestic violence after being caught at airport: Word to the wise, going to an airport to try to evade capture isn’t too bright; literally it’s the one place you must show ID.  I would have hid at a polling place, never need to show ID there.  Also just want to point out, the part of his head where the brain goes is also the smallest part of his head…. coincidence?  We caught up with his mother and asked her to comment on the arrest:  “Muh Baybay din du nuffin.”  Obviously Stacy’s mom doesn’t exactly have it goin on, as that song states.  Well that settles it, I would have gone with the defense of: CTE, or he grew up in an abusive environment so he thought it was ok, or she called him the “n” word.  Stacey played a violent sport called the NFL; however, he will soon find out that fails to compare to the violence he will encounter in the general population at State Penn.  Stacy threw his girlfriend and a television among other things.

We reached out to a friend of the blog who works as a defense attorney at the prestigious Law Firm: Lowe, Ballem, and Lynch. She offered this defense for Mr. Stacy:  If the TV ain’t 4K, you can’t put him away!  Way to channel your inner Johnnie Cochran sweetie.  Lastly we reached out to MSNBC for comment and they stated “she flashed a gun at him and tried to hit him with a skateboard.”  Ok so there is that.  Then we reached out to ESPN and the only thing they wondered was if Stacy was vaccinated.  What a world.

Rittenhouse not guilty on all charges:  Hat tip to the Blog Father on this one, as Kyle Rittenhouse was able to grab his AR-15 and two more full magazines upon leaving the courthouse.  Declaring loudly, the judge asked me to defend the courthouse tonight from all the rioting.  Rittenhouse also exclaimed he was going to visit the Whitehouse since he felt as though he had won a championship!  We reached out to Target Corporation for comment and they stated “Black Friday is coming early this year.”    Another corporation commented that the “semi-annual everything is free sale” will go on as planned this evening in your local inner city!  I guess this is like reparations.  We tried to reach out to any Republican but we found out they all actually have lives and jobs so no one was available for comment.  We reached out to the Democrat National Party Chair Tom Perez who was shocked at the outcome, claiming they sent over 85,000 ballots marked guilty to that courtroom, loudly proclaiming they wanted a recount!  However he was happy to learn the now deceased Joseph Rosenbaum, and Anthony Huber had their voting rights restored and will vote in every election going forward, as many times as it takes.  “It’s the small victories” remarked Perez.  Perez did express remorse that Gaige Grosskreutz was only injured, saying “we really need every vote these days, and look forward to the day we can count him multiple times to vote where needed.” 

Colin Kaepernick says Rittennhouse verdict validates the need to abolish our justice system:  Yo Jackwagon, who has taken a knee more in their lives, you or the Vice President?  I’ll take my answer off the air.

Joe Biden says he is angry and concerned about Rittenhouse verdict:  On second look, he was angry it wasn’t chocolate ice cream day, and concerned his diaper was filling up.  Nothing to see here.

Lauren Boebert stuns in red dress:  Whoa, momma mia!  That’s a movement I could get behind…. Hope Hicks may be jealous.

KCRA 3 Reports:  Truck spills bags of money in Southern California.  Fake news, in CA we only give bags of money to illegals and those who do not work.

Troll

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, Troll asked that these photos of Hope Hicks be added to his post because he thought it was important that you know what he wants most for Christmas.

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