Folks, I’ve not only seen “The Beekeeper” with Jason Statham but even bought the DVD of the movie. The only reason that the movie works is that Jason knew where the evil datacenter was so he could burn it down. Sadly, I didn’t have this information.
Before I recap my experience, please note that I am leaving a few “tells” out of my account just so the bad guys don’t know the specifics of everything they did wrong lest they fix their scenario.
On Facebook, I received a friend request from some guy I never met before. His name was Dean. Dean runs a Christian Singles website. A guy in my church knows Dean personally and I have no problems with him. In fact, right after I joined the website, the guy from church gave me the contact information for Dean.
Dean’s website is Sovereign Grace Singles. With a name like that you should expect that it is oriented to folks from the Reformed Baptist tradition. I do not claim to be Baptist, but I do claim to be Reformed. I decided it would have less crap on it and be more likely to be populated by real people than Match or eHarmony.
Anyway, I put my shingle out, so to speak. Low and behold, this babe that was 20 years younger than me strikes up a conversation. So did a gal about my age. (For a guy like me to be contacted by not one but two females on the same day is kind of an ego booster.) I responded to both, but the younger one was really trying to set the hook. She ended up wanting to correspond via email. (Dean’s website doesn’t have a mobile app and its communication abilities are about 20 years behind the times.) Email was an upgrade to chatting compared to what I was trying to use.
Right out the gate, I get two photos of this gal in a sports bra. Going to the gym has never been my thing but I guess some of the younger set is ok with this. This was a little unusual. And yes, her profile photo was modest and staged to look like a selfie.
The conversation was also out of kilter. The profile made it clear that the woman was a second language person but even given that, her speech was not as it should be. Whenever I asked for details, my questions were ignored or deflected. Other times the answers were just weird.
Here’s one example. Her profile stated that she liked live concerts. I asked for some examples of the type of music that she liked and what live concerts she had attended. The question was initially ignored. I asked again and was told that she was going to see the Kingston Trio, but her mom was too sick, and she decided not to go.
The Kingston Trio? Really? Aren’t they all dead and buried? I looked it up on the internet and they are scheduled to play Oakland, California and Reno, Nevada and then they are off to Michigan.
This female claims to live in Bakersfield and she can’t name any music group she has seen but says she wished she could see the Kingston Trio! Think about the logistics to get from where she lived to a city hosting the Trio. Oh, the next day she said she didn’t own a car. In California? After 22 years of living there? That is ridiculous. Most welfare recipients and illegals own a vehicle of some sort or have access to one.
The story she told was full of holes and inconsistencies. It was clear that she never lived in California and was not writing me from the United States.
The second day she sent me photos in her workout outfit.
Both sets of photos were fakes. These were either wholly made via Artificial Intelligence or enhanced by it.
At this point, I called Dean on his personal cell phone. We talked for about half an hour. He could not believe me when I told him what was going on. He was in denial and tried to make it my fault. I gave him a few examples of why I thought this person was a fake. He was reluctant to believe this was happening. After pressing my case, he finally agreed it was possible, at least remotely.
The third and last day, I was sent a video. She claimed she had hurt her foot and was staying home from the gym. A few hours later I got a flawlessly focused 37 second video of her working out. The video was edited and was stripped of audio.
If you look at the video, it was clearly made in a hotel room. Entry door, bathroom door on the left, and small lounge area on the right. The lockset on the door is not standard either.
The lady is beautiful. Heck, I don’t think Jeff Bezos could land this fish without some effort. What would she see in me?
Oh, I look up the brand of socks that she is wearing in the video. $25 a pair biking socks from Turkey.
I sent Dean the workout video. He wanted to know how I got that. Like I requested it or something? Anyway, he suspended her account and asked for verification info on where she worshipped and who her pastor was. Immediately, she went dark. I have not heard from her again. I doubt Dean has either. (Dean late said he had not.)
Folks, the experience was surprisingly emotionally manipulating and hurtful. It was somewhat rewarding to flip the script on them and try forcing them to produce her in the flesh. It did give them pause but they still tried to go forward with the mom is sick and I need money thing. I didn’t continue to respond once she refused to get the plane ticket.
Lastly, if she had flown up to see me, I would have delivered her into the waiting arms of the ladies of my church. I pushed for certain dates to insure that would happen.
I’m trying to calm down and get my head together. Meanwhile, I’m making progress on the house and looking for a few vacation opportunities.
Oh, as to why I posted the photos and video is in case someone does a matching search on the Internet and gets a hit on the photos. If you do, please let me know. I’m sure a good story will accompany the discovery.
My initial comment here is that I have actually done this. What I have done will be different than for you but the principles that I express here will be helpful.
First you need to understand what the person was using as their main points of identity. In a world of two-factor identification, this is important to start closing accounts online. Apple or Microsoft or Google and perhaps Facebook are what I would consider the usual suspects. (Leave these accounts for last.) Also, knowing the PIN to get into a person’s cell phone is a must. Typically, this is a four-digit number.
Banking and Money
Start with financial stuff. Freeze the debit or credit cards. Close any accounts tied to a person’s bank. Amazon, PayPal, Venmo, eBay, etc. You don’t want anyone draining the bank account while you are doing other things.
Please note that bank accounts can create terrible experiences for spouses, trustees, and relations. Financial institutions will often freeze accounts, want to see a death certificates, and be made aware of a clearly defined successor to any accounts. My wife and I have a Trust and that removed a lot of obstacles in this area. My former next-door neighbor let her husband handle all the bills and when he died, the banks and credit cards froze all the liquid assets. She went over six weeks just to get control of her checking account. Meanwhile, no bills could be paid, and she couldn’t buy any food.
Subscriptions
Cancel subscription services: Netflix, Disney Plus, Discovery Plus, Max, Kindle, etc. Do this even if you want to keep them. Redo any streaming accounts in the name of a living person.
Photos, Documents, and the like
Once you close the financial accounts, you need to start unwinding the stuff on the cell phone. Archive photos, email, text messages, documents on the phone. Also, check the “cloud storage” from Google, One Drive, Dropbox, Apple, etc. Put what you want to keep on a PC or laptop. To access Android data, you can set up Blue Stacks on your computer. Then you can access copies of photos, text messages, contact lists, etc. It takes patience and computer skills to do this.
Concerning text messages, they can be backed up and copied to a PC; however, they are completely unreadable without restoring them to another cell phone or using third party software. I can see them in Google Messages via Blue Stacks but can’t print them, which is really frustrating. I found third party software that can print them but the text message file from my wife’s phone was over 4 GB, and the software can’t handle such a large file without crashing.
Facebook
The easiest account to close was Facebook; however, it takes some thought and preparation before you act. First you need to decide if you want to delete the account or have Facebook archive it. Either way, the contents of the account can be downloaded. This includes all photos posted, friend lists, and other stuff. Deleting the account is easy but there is another option. You can give control of the account to someone else. In the bowls of Facebook settings, it is possible to designate anyone on the friends list as a beneficiary. (Of course, FB calls this by another name.) The designated person can then go to their Facebook account and report that the person died. Before doing this, you will need a scanned copy of the death certificate. Fill out a simple form, again buried in the bowls of account settings, and be sure to attach the death certificate.
Reporting the death of a Facebook person and subsequent approval will lock the deceased person’s account, archive the account, and affix “In Memory of…” to the top of the FB page. This also givs the beneficiary control of the account. The beneficiary can post on the account, back it up, or delete it.
Root Accounts
There is a good chance that all or some phone data is backed up on Google, Microsoft, and/or Apple servers. Deleting these primary accounts will end any hope of data recovery. Use a tech savvy person to do this and then do a factory reset to the phone.
Final thought, Samsung no longer has their own cloud storage; instead, they piggyback it onto Microsoft’s One Drive. I am not clear if this is a stand-alone backup or part of the disk space allocated to Samsung users. Without a valid email account, you may not be able to access the data anyway. If you are extra paranoid, keep this in mind.
Have fun doing this. It took me a week and I’m not totally done, just at a comfortable place to stop … for now.
I guess I’m anti-Trump now right? You know the right-wing folks who worship the ground he walks on. The same folks who endorsed Lyin’ Ted the first go round. Now, Trump can do no wrong in their minds. I’m not anti-Trump, I just want to point out some things about this new Air Force 1 jet “donation.”
First, the existing Air Force One has to be over 30 years old or close to it. The president and other dignitaries fly on this jet. Frankly it may no longer be safe and is likely at/close to the end of its useful life. Simply put, I do not want anyone of importance on that jet any longer. We need a new one.
Why don’t we have a new one?
Well, Boeing got the contract. It was very likely “no bid” due to Boeing being the “American manufacturer” of airplanes. Boeing, as per usual, cannot complete a project on time and on budget, so it’s delayed delivery of the new Air Force One for a very long time. (I think it was supposed to be delivered during Trump’s last term.) Who knows? With that company’s track record, it may not be ready until 2050. Even if it is ready, will it be safe? Again, look at the track record recently.
Why am I calling it a mistake taking a “free” Air Force One?
Optics. William will tell you I am a big optics guy. Don’t tell me it’s free or you got a great deal or the best deal lay out the actual cost. There is something else going on here in my opinion and I do not see how I can be wrong. I hope I am …
Why?
I simply do not trust anything out of that part of the world. Saudi Arabia, United Arab Emirates, Qatar, Yemen, Oman … doesn’t matter to me. They have so many petrol dollars they can play all over the world as far as influence and investments go. A rumor circulating the interwebs was Qatar was paying now AG Pam Bondi $119,000 a month as a lobbyist years ago. A month! Some of these countries even blockaded Qatar for a while due to their alleged ties to terror organizations. While the blockade has ended, I do believe most of these Arab nations have been funding proxy attacks on the US forces and Israel. Sure, Iran is behind them as well, but I think these countries want instability in the area.
Why instability?
The US has a very large air force base in Qatar. Al Udeid airbase is where we stage most of our Middle East operations. If we were to attack Iran or another terror group in the Middle East, it would be launched from there. Qatar is an oil rich nation that really doesn’t have a military, they rely on us to defend them. As a result, we get to use this airbase. We also use it to attack many groups funded by these nations such as the Houthis, Hamas, and Hezbollah to name a few that are active in Yemen, Gaza (or Palestine I guess) and Lebanon. I fully believe these nations fund the terrorists, so we stick around to provide defense here.
A $400 million plane for a defense agreement? Really?
No, not in the slightest. There is a lot more to this than meets the eye. I think it is interesting that now President Trump wants the sanctions removed on Syria. Granted NATO ally Turkey led a coalition to overthrow the government of Syria, but that was very recent, only a couple months ago. Now we are going to lift all sanctions? Turkey is a Muslim nation like the others I named above, in my opinion they look out for themselves far before they look out for others. Case in point; Turkey has supplied Ukraine with drones for use in the war but has also not abided by sanctions against Russia. They are very much like these gulf countries in that they play on both sides.
Let’s be honest here, how much do we know about Syria’s new government? We know nothing, it’s to soon. Like any government that is overthrown, we always assume it’s for the better. That is rarely the case.
I also think this has implications for Israel. This could be bad or good depending on your thought process/ideology. It is very odd timing that the last “American hostage” was released by Hamas later that day after this “deal” went down. I say odd timing because I think Qatar spoke for all Arab countries with that jet …. I think Bibi Netanyahu is about to fire his last missile/attack into Gaza. Those countries are getting tired of him and Israel, but specifically his warmongering policy. I think there will be a resolution here soon.
Yes, I think the plane was a bribe …. maybe not in the traditional sense but they bought a lot of influence.
In closing, ask yourself this fellow republicans/conservatives, if Joseph Robinette Biden Jr., Barack Obama, or Hillary Clinton accepting this plane, what you would say what? Don’t answer. You and I already know the answer. You would be outraged. I am willing to let this play out, but I think Qatar just bought one hell of a lot of influence with President Trump. And if there is one thing the Trumps love, its money/expensive things.
Recently you may have seen reports about the birth rate in the United States plummeting big time. But in case you have been living under a rock or just watching cable ‘til your eyes bleed, it’s getting bad. The unquestionable truth is Millennials and Gen Z are not getting married and those who do tie the knot are not having kids. It’s so bad Trump has floated the idea of a $5000 payment if you have a kid(s). Allow me to explain the position below, if you think everything is fine then enjoy your favorite sports league, political commentary show, drama series, or soap opera as it is likely going to start soon and you better not miss it! Remember you pay $300 or so a month for it… get your money’s worth.
Bloggers note: The numbers and figures I’m using here are a low-ball numbers, obviously different professions/vehicles/cost of living area’s will vary. It’s a point not a thesis.
Insurmountable debt: Let’s face it, that college mom and dad forced you to attend didn’t come cheap. You have damn near 6 figures in student loans. You just found out the Department of Education is not forgiving them, so you have to work. Oh, and it’s not a job that pays 100K; its closer to 50K if you are lucky. Then add in a car payment, with the rapid rise in costs due to (cough the plandemic, cough, cough) the payment is damn near $500 a month. Add in about $100 for insurance and that pay check is damn near spoken for. If you have credit card debt, and a great many do… some to the tune of 5 figures, that’s just gravy on top of this mashed potato mountain of debt. The wedding is not going to be free, neither is the kiddo by the way. Now imagine doubling that, ‘cause you know marriage.
Expensive housing costs: I’m not even talking about owning a home, just rent for an apartment/house. You are likely conservatively talking about $2200 a month here. That’s for a studio/1 bedroom type thing by the way. Oh, and that rent will go up by the maximum allowed a year, in my state its about 10% So yeah it gets expensive quickly. Again, this is just the cost for yourself and maybe your wife if she’s ok living like a broke college kid. Oh, and when you do have the child, you need another bedroom right? Check out how much that costs.
Day care costs: Let’s face it, the work from home blarney (cough plandemic, cough, cough) is finally ending. That means you cannot have the baby getting free daycare at home anymore. Get ready to face reality as daycare very conservatively costs $250 a week, likely closer to $350. Add those costs up and suddenly your rent looks cheap. Oh, what’s that you’ve got a second kid on the way!….grab the lube and your ankles this won’t hurt a bit. Don’t believe me, it’s not cheap.
Lack of maternity/paternity care: I’m not talking about getting 6-9 months off here, and not with full pay either. I am saying most businesses offer no or a laughable amount of time off for new mothers/fathers. A friend of mine gave birth and was told “report back to work within 3 days of returning home.” Yeah, she works as a dental assistant. Nice. Her boss even went a step further saying, “back in my day, the wife was a stay at home mom.” More on that horrific statement later. Again no one is saying both parents get half a year paid vacation… but maybe a little empathy here? Cite my household expenses earlier if you need more proof. The kiddo(s) are going to need regular checkups (quite a few) and will likely be getting sick a lot as daycare/preschool is essentially a virus petri dish, so you will need flexibility to take days off. It won’t happen as the system is set up now.
A second income is needed just to survive: The days of only 1 person needing to work are long gone, they are over. Again, cite my expenses above, and try doing that on a one income household. Oh, the kiddo is growing so you will have to constantly be buying new clothes, toys, car seats etc. Hopefully one or both of you have parents in the immediate area to help with the kiddos because you are going to need it. Oh, and by the way, the baby boomers have cut things back over the years, you are going to struggle just to get by.
Baby boomers ruined it: They compare the younger generations to themselves, they put themselves through school… news flash (not the cable TV kind) it was a hell of a lot cheaper for tuition and cost of living was much less. Benefit packages at work included ones actually decent, not garbage, bare bones health plans and crummy time off arrangements. They can afford a mortgage just fine because they locked in a cheap 3% mortgage rate, when they had no kids mind you, because they bought/refinanced 7 years ago. 50K a year used to be a good paying job, now its barely enough to tread water in this economy/world.
Trump’s $5,000 payment to people who have a kid is moronic: Let’s be honest here. The type of people attracted to this kind of thing will be folks at the lower socioeconomic end of the spectrum. I’m not just talking about minorities here and don’t we have enough single parent households as it is? A child born into a low socio-economic situation is very much likely to end up in jail or have a life on the streets. The parents are not going to consider this money to help the child they will do it to spend on themselves. Keep in mind $5000 is also not incentive to get the upper middle and upper class to have kids. Technically those are the ones we need to have kids, not the folks at the bottom of the spectrum.
Planned “Parenthood”: Aborting the number of babies we have been didn’t help at all. It actually hurt; it encouraged rampant sex without marriage. No planning at all, just fun, promiscuous lifestyles. Now we are living the end result of allowing numerous babies to be aborted on demand.
Reality is, this has been brewing for a while, increased costs for the younger generations, plus stripped out career opportunities added with bare bones benefits has caused this. Young people now are graduating with damn near $100k student loans, add in the $500 car payment, $2500 rent, groceries, insurance, incidentals and viola a perfect storm. Now imagine tying the knot with someone who owes roughly the same. Now you owe combined student loans that damn near match the amount I borrowed for my house, I got an asset, you got a sheet of paper! Have fun paying all that off while having a kid(s)? No surprise we are where we are. Baby boomers… you created this mess, hopefully one day we get out of it.
On Tuesday, April 22nd, my wife died. She hadn’t eaten anything in six days and was living on a few juice popsicles in the days prior to that. The last few days were a blur due to my lack of sleep, but I will recount what I can.
As always, this blog is more for me than for anyone else.
My father-in-law arrived in Idaho on the same date as my last update, Sunday April 13th so I will pick up the story from there.
He was here about an hour and then pulled me aside and said I don’t think she will make it to the end of the week. I told him that I would call the children. I sent out the “Bat signal.” Those who have seen the vintage 1960’s television show will get the reference. The eldest and her husband arrived the following day (Monday) and the middle child on Tuesday. Junior didn’t arrive until Sunday (Easter).
Monday, my wife (on oxygen at the time) got out of bed and refused offers of help to go from the bedroom to the couch in the living room. This was a distance of about 25 feet. As she neared the couch, she did a face-plant on the floor. The O2 line in her nose ripped open both nostrils. Blood was gushing from both sides of her nose. We stopped the bleeding by rolling up tissue and shoving it into both sides of her nose. Later she developed bruising around her right eye and nose. She looked like she had been in an MMA fight. Had she not quit taking blood thinners a week before, this would have been a disaster.
As I said, food consumption was about zero from this point forward. Once the daughter and spouse arrived, the son-in-law did make a food run. They bought mom sugar free popsicles! My wife took about one bite, and she was done. Yuck. That was the last solid food or food of any kind that she ever ate. Why in the hell anyone would think of buying sugar-free popsicles when you know these were the only calories she was getting is beyond stupid.
Anyway, the daughter and hubby did rent a car, so they went the next day to the airport to pick up the middle child.
After her fall, the wife was using a mask for oxygen. My wife has very labored breathing. She could say only a word or two and then would have to pause before trying to say another word. As the week went on, she began using hand signals to communicate.
Her SPO2 (blood oxygen saturation) began dropping. Normal readings are 95 to 99 percent. Hers was in the 80’s for a few days and then fell to the 70’s. Just for reference, a blood oxygen reading of 75 is the same as basecamp at Mt Everest (~17,500 ft above sea level). In her last few days, all readings without O2 were between 72 and 77.
Per the Internet, you should call 911 if you have a reading below 90. Readings like my wife’s begin to cause organ and brain failure after five minutes. On Friday or Saturday, she decided to refuse any more O2.
On Saturday, Sunday and Monday nights, I stayed up with her. Saturday night she was up from about 1 AM until just after 4. That night, I distinctly remember her saying, “Do all you do”
And me responding, “to the glory of God.”
This is something we said to our son every day before he went to school; up until we knew of his open rebellion against God in his last year of high school.
It was her heartfelt belief and one she tried to instill in our son. I know I cried when she said it. As it turned out, for the final time.
On Sunday night she was up from 1:30 AM until about 3. On Monday night I was up with her all night.
Her last night went something like this: She wanted to move from the hospital bed to the wheelchair about 11:30 PM. She said that she wanted to go outside. I wheeled her to the sliding glass door and then opened it. Per our weather station, it was 34 degrees outside. I told her it was too difficult for me to move the wheelchair outside. We looked out for a few minutes, and I remember closing the sliding door. Together we looked at the view. I said to her:
“There is our swing.”
“There is our deck.”
“There is our apple tree. “
“There is our yard.”
“There is our levee.”
“There is our town.”
“There are the stars.”
In her weak voice she said, “I am ready to die.”
I cried.
We then moved to the couch. I had to help her from the wheelchair to the couch. This was not too difficult since she had lost over 160 pounds during the course of this four-year cancer ordeal. I stayed with her. Sometimes I tried to give her medicine, sometimes I rubbed her back (the cancer in her bones and muscles caused her much pain; especially in her lower back), sometimes I was just her pillow. That was her favorite thing, just resting in my arms. Her breathing was labored. You could hear junk in her lungs that she was unable to cough it up. About 5:30 AM, her dad came into the house. I gave him a brief turnover and then went to bed.
The next thing I knew, he was frantically calling for me. I went into the Livingroom, and he said she is dying now. She would take a breath and then nothing would happen for about twenty seconds and then she would gasp again, followed by another long pause. After a few minutes of this process being repeated. She was very still. Tears welled up in my eyes. I told her that I loved her. She gasped again and then was still. A huge tear came from the corner of her eye and dripped down the side of her nose. Upon seeing the tear, I knew two things with certainty, first, that she loved me, and second, that she was dead. As this was happening, I glanced at my watch. It was 6:46 AM on April 22nd.
Later I was looking through her phone and noticed that she had sung at Carnegie Hall in New York City on April 22nd 2024. Yep, one year to the day from singing at Carnegie Hall she had died. Her death was three weeks to the day from entering hospice. At the time it didn’t seem so, but her death was rather quick.
Sheryl in Carnegie Hall April 22, 2024
Below are quotes from things that Sheryl had written about her cancer journey.
The first is an excerpt from a text thread with ladies at our church that were praying for her.
“Reading through all this, it struck me that suffering can lead to contentment and grace. Bill will sometimes sit down beside me as I am coughing or “suffering.” He will rub my back and say, “Poor Sheryl! My poor wife…! I stop him and say, “Honey, I’m am NOT poor! I’m so blessed! I have God, You, and so much support. It is amazing to feel His love in my life.”
“Suffering brings us to an acknowledgment of the wonderful blessings of His grace.”
Sheryl and Bill Tolson celebrate Valentine’s Day 2025
The next is a dream that she had back in February. In our 21 years of marriage, she only wrote down two dreams. This was the second.
My Dream 02/25/25.
I was standing with Bill and Dad and several other family members under a wooden gazebo surrounded by huge oak trees. It reminded me of the area around the Orinda house. I had my Jeep keys in my hand, and I got in the car and drove away to go to a Women’s clothing store tucked up in a heavily wooded fern-filled garden canyon. I had to park in a strange spot that was up a large branch of a tree.
The store was filled with many dresses and I picked a pretty floral one easily and put it on. I walked out the other side of the store. The door opened up on to a huge grassy, wildflower speckled lawn. Across the lawn were spread many tables with people all sitting around visiting and talking together. Behind them was some sort of large one story building. My thought immediately went to Grammie and Grandad’s backyard.
I walked onto a clear area of lawn and heard music beginning to play. I realized it was the opening notes of Climb Every Mountain, and I began to sing. My voice was full and perfect. I could feel the notes floating up into a sparkling blue sky as I sang. I knew I was singing to His glory! I knew this was His garden, His house! I hit the high note at the end with such perfect brilliance that it seemed to shimmer. When I finished, I could hear murmurs from the crowd, “That’s Sheryl! She’s here! That’s Nancy’s daughter! She’s Amy and Alvin’s granddaughter!”
I turned and headed further across the lawn where I saw my mom. She gave me a huge hug and said, “That was beautiful! I love you!” I said, “Mom! I can sing again!” She laughed and said, “Of course you can!” We walked over together to a gazebo area similar to the one I left earlier. I could see Bill standing there. I walked up, handed him the keys to the Jeep and said, “You will have to go get the Jeep. I parked it in a strange tree. I love you!”
And I woke up crying happy tears!
In Bonners Ferry, Idaho, we had a public viewing of Sheryl on April 25th and a funeral on April 26th. She was transported to Sacramento California on April 29th and was buried on May 2nd next to her mother in Elk Grove.
At her funeral service, I read her dream just as it appears above and then read the following.
Sheryl Tolson public viewing April 25, 2025
Remembering Sheryl
By Bill
I used to tell my wife that I married the richest girl that I ever dated. Having all of you here is proof that I was right.
Whenever my wife would complain about something I would reply, “When I get to be your age honey, I’ll find out.” Since I was a year older, this often got her upset, but I really had fun saying it just to get a rise out of her.
Last night we had our final date night. It was called a “public viewing”, but it really wasn’t. It was my last time to see her in the flesh. I wanted to spend one last evening with my bride of almost 22 years. It was bittersweet but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
She didn’t have much to say but that was OK. We remembered the excitement of meeting for the first time, our first kiss, the first time she let me meet her kids, of course this only happened after I had been vetted by a group of her most trusted friends. Then there was the night we went to dinner with Tommy and Kendall, and I proposed to her. It was December 7th, always a memorable date for us veterans of the US Navy.
We were married on Friday the thirteenth in a little church in Vacaville California. It was a hot June night in two thousand three and everyone was sweating. We took our wedding vows using the Church of England’s 1662 Book of Common Prayer where Sheryl was glad to say that she would “honor and obey until death do us part”. It’s no surprise that Sheryl kept her word. In turn, I promised to love her as Christ loved His Church.
Early on, we had a few rough patches along the way, especially the two miscarriages which were balanced with the joy of her giving birth to our son, James.
It might surprise you to know that I rarely ever called Sheryl by name. She was called by her titles “wife of my youth”, “my bride”, “mommy”, “honey”, “bride of love”, and things like that. In fairness, James was often called “the boy of love” and Bob the dog was our “love dog”. Love was just part of what we did. Oh, behind her back, Sheryl did get called “management” on select occasions, but I think that is allowed by the description of the Proverbs 31 woman.
During our marriage, there were many road trips that we took. Some were just for fun, but many were to find a new place to live outside of California. Our road trips were sometimes over five thousand miles in two weeks. We saw lots of country, but in the end, it came down to Bonners Ferry where we bought two acres of land in 2020. This part of Sheryl’s story most of you know, at least in part.
Last April, Sheryl went with a group from Bonners Ferry and sang at New York’s Carnegie Hall. It was a dream for anyone that loved music as much as she did. A month later she lost her voice and knew something was very wrong. It was then that she learned that the cancer was back with a vengeance. In the next months, Sheryl experienced many rounds of radiation and chemotherapy, but treatment was unsuccessful. Sheryl was placed in hospice care on April first and died three weeks later, ironically her death was on the one-year anniversary of singing at Carnegie Hall.
At the end, just a few short days ago … or was it a lifetime …she was gasping for air. It was clear that each breath might be her last. Crying, I told her that I loved her. She then struggled for one last breath and then the biggest single tear, that I ever saw, came from the corner of her eye and dripped down the side of her nose. When I saw this, I immediately knew two things, she loved me, and she was most certainly gone. It was 6:46 AM.
So, there I was last night, mulling over these and other thoughts. Mostly, I was just missing her. Trust me, I kissed her several times when I thought no one was looking; after all, it was our last date.
In the last few days, everywhere I look and everywhere I go, I see her or some memory of her. In marriage two become one but in death, the opposite happens. The oneness is violently ripped apart.
Today we send my beloved Sheryl off on her final journey, a journey that ends with her body buried next to her mother where she will await the reunion of her soul and body at the end of history. Farewell my bride. It was my great privilege to be married to you and I’d gladly do it over again in a heartbeat.
Sheryl’s Grave in Elk Grove, CA
Only a memorial service remains as part of the farewell tour of my wife and our marriage. What is next is beyond my ability to see. Yes, I have ideas and aspirations of how I might move-on in my life but… I’m old enough to know that what I want and what God has in store for me might be different ideas. Other than organizing the house, I’m not sure what follows. God is good and has a plan. Funny how these words sound familiar. Kinda reminds me of someone I knew.
Just for those who are doubting my political allegiance I do support President Trump’s attempt but he is doing it all wrong. Sadly, this isn’t totally on him, it’s his generation and they are out of step with today’s Americans.
His “all or nothing” day of liberation approach backfired tremendously. It’s been said to me, “it’s not hard to herd a couple cats, but herding 10 is challenging, herding 300 is impossible”. Trump went after literally every country in his bizarre press conference. The best approach would have been to get our closest allies on board first, then work out from there. South Korea, Japan, and Mexico would have been my starting point. South Korea needs our military backing, ditto for Japan (tourism as well), Mexico is a little different but if they don’t want to negotiate add a 3% transaction fee to every US Citizen sending money via wire to Mexico and believe me, they would come to the table quickly.
I left Canada off that list as relations with them are low, he stupidly keeps saying he is going to annex Canada and is calling them the 51st state. Saying Wayne Gretsky should be their next governor is equally stupid. Canada, as a result, has been reaching out to other countries and offering to help make up the difference if the US stops trading with them.
I would have gone after Vietnam, Philippines, Malayasia, and other southeast Asian countries next. These countries have a low skilled workforce (for the most part), are typically poor, and like China, rely on slave labor to manufacture goods on the cheap. I wouldn’t threaten a tariff, I would say we want to invest American dollars in modernization of your production, warehouses, supply chain etc. with the goal being China seeing this and reacting. China does not want to lose its monopoly on most manufacturing of things, and their close proximity to China, and USA support causes a threat. Instead, Trump got into a d**k measuring contest and now China is lobbying those countries not to listen to us. Again, it’s the way he did it, not why he is doing it.
The European Union should have been the second easiest sell, it backfired as well. Some of this is due to his picking fights with NATO as most countries in the EU double as NATO countries. The EU has also turned to Canada and China to help fill the void. In this case I do heavily blame Trump, the EU is very similar to the US in that it has a very aging population not interested in working in factories, this should have been an easy deal to close.
In closing Trump may think he is the greatest deal maker of all time, his problem is his bullying persona rubs people the wrong way. He showed his hand in his first term and now other countries are prepared for it. The bully does his best work picking on the smallest and most vulnerable and moving on from there, it creates fear and apprehension. When you try to pick on everyone at once, if someone(s) stands up to you, most of the rest will follow suit and then you are stuck. His tit for tat with Canada looks really foolish now, and while warranted, his comments regarding NATO and the Ukraine/Russia war are doing him no favors. He has been reduced to begging Xi Jinping to call him to get a deal done just to save face.
He got played because he never realized he didn’t have a card hand to bluff with. Other countries know America is a deeply divided nation we tend to go back and forth between which party controls the White House/Congress nothing is forever here. In the current climate of Executive Orders, if the other party takes the White House, the predecessor’s orders are erased before lunch is served on Inauguration Day! Most politicians only desire to be re-elected, not pass legislation, company executives only care about cutting expenses and stock prices, and no one in America wants to work in a factory! Also, our employment/wage laws are arcane compared to other countries. Look at CA alone, $20-hour minimum wage in fast food, mandatory overtime after 8 hours in a day, double time after 12, anything over 40 hours a week is overtime, mandatory breaks and lunchtime. Compared to slave wages and labor in other countries, the input price won’t get lower here. Also check out our environmental laws compared to most countries we are trying to barter with? It’s a lose/lose proposition.
I hope this works, but even if he negotiates a better deal, I just don’t think we will see the benefits.
Sadly, NAFTA and environmental/labor laws killed any chance of the jobs coming back.
Sheryl Tolson passed away peacefully from cancer in Bonners Ferry on April 22, 2025, surrounded by her loving family. Viewing will be held from 5 to 6 p.m. Friday, April 25, at Bonners Ferry Funeral Home. Funeral Services will be held at 2 p.m. Saturday, April 26, at Providence Bible Presbyterian Church, 6530 Washington Street, Bonners Ferry.
She leaves behind her husband, Bill, of 21 years, her children Kendall Costello, Thomas Connolly, James Tolson, her sister Lori Douglass and her father Gordon Douglass.
Sheryl was born in San Francisco, and grew up in Orinda, California. After graduating from high school, she attended the University of California Davis and eventually graduated from Sacramento State with degrees in voice and business. Sheryl settled in Elk Grove, California, with her second husband Bill Tolson, where she taught elementary school for many years in the Elk Grove Unified School District. She loved singing and continued singing for various groups, including the popular Elk Grove Strauss Festival, Veteran’s and Memorial Day celebrations, and her local church choir. She was involved in the Chamber of Commerce, Old Town Merchants Association, and Rotary.
In 2020 Sheryl and Bill bought property in Bonners Ferry, where they retired in 2023. At their new home, Sheryl and Bill quickly made new friends. In retirement she used her artistic talents for singing and crafting gifts for fellow church members, family, and friends.
As a member of a choral group in Bonners Ferry, Sheryl was able to sing at Carnegie Hall in 2024. A month later she was stricken with a recurrence of cancer and lost her ability to sing. Her struggle with disease ended on April 22. When asked, Sheryl would often reply that, “I know God has a plan, I may not like it, but I trust Him.”
We, as a society, can all admit one thing, we have a massive growing crisis in homelessness, specifically folks with major mental health issues. When I reference mental health issues here, I’m not talking about the folks who begged a doctor to be put on a pill, I’m talking specifically about the ones you see in bigger cities. More specifically the ones on the streets with no family/friends/support system in place.
A couple disclaimers here for the brainwashed on both the left and right.
I think we can all agree that the sanitariums were filled with horror and abuse while still recognizing the need for proper mental healthcare. Closing these hospitals to send folks to the streets was not humane or compassionate. I will add Reagan was likely not at his best when it came to this, but after seeing the photos, I do not blame him for shutting them down. (See also O’Connor v. Donaldson 1975—Editor)
In addition, when I suggest bringing back these sanitariums, they are not for the child with autism, or the guy with a Trump bumper sticker. I’m talking about the person who is an obvious threat to themselves or others.
To understand this problem fully, you must grasp what actually causes it. Mental health and drug/alcohol addiction are two of the biggest causes, understandable they are not mutually exclusive. The next two are exiting both the foster care system and prisons. Again, those are not mutually exclusive.
The mental health part is some people need real help, and their parents/family are tired of trying. They turn 18 and leave the house. The person does not seek treatment or keep with treatment leading to life on the streets. Drugs and alcohol, specifically dependance on both, are another leading cause. There is a reason marijuana was called a gateway drug by law enforcement, it leads to cocaine, meth, or other harder drug use. How many times have you been witness to a homeless person coked out of their mind on hard drugs/booze stumbling back and forth between the sidewalk and oncoming traffic or “acting the fool” as the kids say? They vandalize, defecate, urinate, destroy, and take over public areas and become a nuisance. Sadly, none of the above are enforceable/jailable offenses because we have decriminalized so much in this country. Prison is not the answer anyway, treatment is, but in states like California, unless it’s ordered by a judge, you can simply sign yourself out and away you go. Exiting prison and the foster care system again likely leads someone to unsavory things such as drugs and alcohol abuse. At 18, you are no longer a foster kid, and the government money quits coming in. For the incarcerated, they likely do not have family that want them around so to the streets you go. In both cases finding a roof over your head or employment will be hard. Again, you take up unsavory things and get hooked. Alcohol and drugs make you dependent, you lose the ability to function without them, then you seek out higher doses or newer, stronger euphoria’s.
Do not get me wrong, city leadership is also a massive contributor to the mental health/homeless crisis. San Francisco, Los Angeles, Oakland, and Sacramento to name a few in California, have embraced these types and allowed them to destroy the once proud cities they were. Try going to Golden Gate Park or Civic Center in San Francisco, you will find the world’s largest open air drug market stuffed with addicts hunched over on the sidewalk. Try coming to Sacramento and walking down K or L Streets just beyond the new basketball arena, and several blocks from the State Capital. You are taking your life into your hands at all hours of the day or night. It’s scary and not safe. Last week I was there, a mentally ill homeless person had a switchblade in his hands, crisscrossing between traffic threatening folks. Yup.
So how do we fix this you ask?
I think every hospital should be required to have a mental health and wellness floor. The Methodist (Dignity Health) hospital in south Sacramento does. I understand fully this would be funded by taxpayer dollars, in no way do I want to see government grow in size but realize this is the private sector with a small bit of government oversight. The hospital already has people capable of caring for these folks and they want to see the treatment through then discharge the person AT THE APPROPRIETE TIME! Take two and call me in the morning, or we held you for the 48 hours needed to satisfy the judge, hasn’t worked and doesn’t work. Time to try something else. I understand some people likely will never walk out, that is not necessarily a bad thing.
No more Non-governmental Organizations (NGOs) in this issue. This is nothing more than a grift for the local elected, their families, or relatives. Setting up tiny home communities seems like a good idea, but it is only giving the crackheads more blow. Ditto for “needle exchanges” and the like. These people just profited on the backs of those in the most need.
Put aside your political, religious and pre-existing beliefs about this issue. Trust me republican readers, there are folks with these issues in rural areas, they just get swept up and sent to the bigger cities since they “have the infrastructure to help them.” Trust me democrats you know the big cities are buying Grey Hound bus tickets to “pass them along” to other cities as well. Both sides get over yourselves. One can also be a compassionate Christian/religious while also agreeing some people are far too gone to be allowed to live in civilized society. What did you do for your aging parents/grandparents? When they could not drive anymore you became their ride, when unable to take care of themselves, they transitioned from their home to a senior living system. It’s not cruel, it’s a matter of life. At some point someone else may need to carry the proverbial cross. Just because this didn’t work 50 years ago doesn’t mean it cannot work now. Let’s try something slightly different, rather than a sanitarium, make it a floor in an actual hospital! That means oversight from hospital administrators and actual doctors, not a medieval dungeon type of place in a secluded, blighted part of town. Let’s try something out… maybe my idea is not adequate but at least it’s a plan.
The status quo is failing, and getting worse, some areas are becoming flat out not visitable in this country.
The Chief
PS: One last time for the folks on the far left/right who possess an IQ slightly above room temperature, this does not apply to the homeless person living in their car, the family of 4 living in a tiny home, the person with autism, or the guy with a MAGA hat on. It’s for the folks way too far gone for conventional treatment.
Halfway through April my wife’s health is continuing to decline. She is in pain much of the time. In addition, breathing is becoming more difficult. Morphine and oxygen are now regular parts of her care. She grows weaker by the day. Food consumption continues to decline. When you vomit part of whatever you eat, you decide to eat less just to avoid the futility of a meal. While she liked the promise of what the esophageal stint would do, the truth is it has had the opposite effect that was promised; namely, she is eating less than before. Meals are poached eggs, popsicles, oatmeal, and an occasional yogurt.
Cancer continues to spread. She is developing lumps of cancer just under her skin on her back and chest. One area that bothers her a lot is a lump of bone sticking out of her right side near where she had an incision to open her chest cavity and pull her stomach into her chest. This surgery was done 3 ½ years ago.
While she likes the relief that comes from taking a bath, her days of climbing the stairs to get to the tub are over. Last time she took a bath she had to rest multiple times to get up the stairs. She then had to rest before getting in the tub. The handrail that I installed is helpful but presupposes that a person has the strength to hold on while traversing the stairs.
Her dad is arriving in a few short days to help. Sadly, he knows how this will end but chooses to be here anyway. I’m glad he is coming.
I was hoping that she would make it until mid-June, our 22nd anniversary, but at this point I think it’s all over before then. I generally know her last wishes, but we have yet to work out the details of the memorial service that she wants in Elk Grove. We are doing three activities/services: Funeral in Bonners Ferry, Graveside service in Elk Grove, and a memorial service.
My parents are flabbergasted that my wife wants a proper Christian burial and then a memorial service. They think the body is trash to be burned and tossed away (or scattered). It’s just one of many disconnects that modern Christians believe even though the Bible teaches the opposite. My problem with them is that they don’t care what the Bible says on the issue and no amount of contrary evidence is allowed into their world. Oh, then they start hitting me with the cost angle. I’m like, so what. Even if nobody helps pay for this, I can use the insurance money to cover the expenses.
When the kids do make it here one last time, I hope she divides or distributes the bulk of her possessions. After things are settled, I would like to load the pickup and start delivering mom’s stuff to the kids. I don’t want to have all that stuff warehoused here until I too am planted in the grave. It’s not fair to put that on someone else later.
The truth is that much of what my wife has collected isn’t worth a plug nickel. For her everything is about sentimental value and nobody shares her sentiment. Today’s generation doesn’t care about real silverware, or fine China dish sets, or Depression era glassware, or mass marketed children’s books from the 1960’s. The Bible says that you should leave an inheritance to your children’s children but how can you when they aren’t getting married and making babies. The oldest is trying to check this box but the two boys are stuck in Andrew Isker’s Trashworld as happy as pigs in slop, just playing video games and passing the time away.
People keep trying to relate to me and say they are praying for me. I’m just the passenger on this trip through the valley of the shadow of death. The big blank for me is what happens after all the above is over? Frankly, I don’t need much help until that time at which I’ll be a lost puppy.
Minor update: given the trajectory of my wife’s condition, I think the end is much nearer than I had supposed, barring some intervention, I think she has days remaining and not weeks. I’m curious what my father-in-law will think once he gets to see the situation firsthand.
You will have to put the Kool-Aid down for a few minutes for this blog. For the most part I agree with everything President Trump has done, foreign policy issues notwithstanding. While I agree tariffs are necessary to even the playing field globally, I think Trump is going about it wrong.
A little history here first. Every president has punted on the idea of tariffs on foreign nation’s goods except maybe Eisenhower, I as a student of history, think he was going to attempt to try it. Point being it’s a very hard thing to accomplish. Politically if it doesn’t work, you will be a one term President (no bother to Trump here) and your party will lose massive seats in the next election.
Here are the issues facing Trump in this uphill climb on tariffs.
His own party:
Let’s face it, the GOP is good at one thing, claiming a principled stance then reversing course a year later. Check out each government shutdown they created… what did they ever extract? Yeah, my point exactly. These coconuts are more concerned with getting re-elected, not the health of the nation. Their pocketbook, not yours is the goal here.,
NAFTA/CAFTA and other free trade agreements:
These agreements made it, so the manufacturing phase was sent outside the US solely to save money on cheap foreign labor. The premise here was to keep the input costs down and as a result the trinkets we love to buy are dirt-cheap. If labor costs rise in say China, close the factory and move to Bangladesh, Vietnam etc. etc. These trade agreements, unlike most legislative moves today, came through Congress so they likely will need to be reformed/circumvented/repealed.
Cheap foreign labor:
See above, but the point stands, the American worker will cost substantially more, then throw in mandatory benefits (these manufacturing centers will have far more than the minimum to avoid benefits/union forming) suddenly the foreign workers seem better. The cost of your favorite t-shirt to wear won’t be $20, trust me.
CEO/C-Suite/90-day calendar folks:
These folks do not care about the price of the goods you pay for, they could care less about your livelihood or employment status, they are bean counters. The reason the above 2 reasons exist is due to these people. They care only about earnings per share/costs and stock price. That’s all that matters. They get a bonus (except 90 day guys) due to performance. They moved the jobs out of the US to save labor/benefit costs, then they moved them again due to the ability to save $.01 a share. It’s the bottom-line only to these losers. Bringing the jobs back, or the effects of a tariff scare these folks. Again, a falling stock price leads to “how can we fix this?”
American Consumers:
Let’s face it, we love buying cheap crap. We do not care where it is made. Let’s again be honest here, we only care when we hear about product recalls and lead contamination etc. We love buying cheap stuff! It’s a hard sell to say you are going to pay more but it’s better in the long run. Older generations grew up with Blue Light Specials (RIP K-Mart), dollar stores, and everyday low prices. It’s a tough sell.
Foreign Customers:
They are a tough sell; it’s a foreign brand to them when we try to sell our products overseas. They know the names: GM, Ford, Kellogg’s etc. So, we try to buy foreign brands and hide the fact it’s an American company, but I digress. Most foreign countries are fiercely loyal to their domestic products, and they do not trust foreign ones. When people argue when they go to Japan its nothing but Toyota, or BMW/Volkswagen in Germany it’s a national pride thing as opposed to a cheapest price thing. They tariff us to not let us undercut them as well. Canada and parts of the European Union right now are labeling/removing American goods and putting “buy _______ support local” signs on their goods.
Product Quality:
As stated above we outsource everything to the point quality doesn’t matter. The Craftsman brand comes to mind, rather than stand for a quality product, its cheaply made crap that will break on you during the first job use. This is what happens when the idea that costs must always come down. Foreign and even domestic companies know our products are inferior to theirs.
Globalists:
These folks were the loudest during the Bush years, now they are changing their tune. The issue for people like me is that it’s hard to take someone like Rick Santelli of CNBC seriously when he is outright flip-flopping on this issue. Suddenly he cares about the Chinese/foreign cheap labor? Santelli and his ilk remind me of the older generation, they sent the jobs overseas and were thrilled with cheap costs but now want to do a re-mix because it’s cool. They saw the jobs leave and now are concerned about the future? Yeah, sure! It will be hard to sell this to the folks. Santelli’s final word in an article I read was “Americans will be fine with higher prices on goods” that’s a tough sell to folks when Trump said he would lower the cost of eggs.
Trump is going to have a very hard time closing this deal. While I am rooting for him, I think he went about it all wrong. I would have microtargeted a couple countries and gone from there, take a few victories, and move onward and upward. His problem is that he is going to try for the jugular. While a few countries have potentially given in, most are announcing reciprocal tariffs on our goods. In other parts of the world China is likely moving in, willing to dump their products and fill the consumption gap. This could cause a long-term headache, as we do not want China being a massive superpower.
Additionally, American’s do not have much resolve anything. Turn the clock back a couple generations and buy American was a thing. In the modern day, “Made in USA” means the stickers were put on it here, but not much production is done stateside. Production here is even more outsourced. Right now, during high inflation/low wage growth/raising prices times, American’s do not have the stomach for higher prices. At what point do we as a people say, “put it back to how it was!”
Lastly and my biggest point, when your 401k becomes a 104k in the span of about a week, you tend to not like the guy/party in the White House. It’s one thing to have high prices, it’s another to see your retirement account go away. Again, I hope this works. It’s nice to have a president who doesn’t do politically correct things, but this is going to be a tough sell. How long do we watch chaos unfold in the market before we cave?
Major credit to Trump for trying though!
The Chief
Editor’s Notes:
It doesn’t help that the financial markets, run mostly buy Democrats, don’t understand what Trump is trying to do.
In addition, none in the workforce are old enough to remember when tariffs were used to protect American jobs.
NAFTA was the death null of domestic manufacturing and the triumph of globalism.
Lastly, when you abort 1/3 of all children in your nation for over 50 years, outsourcing is your only viable option to maintain your lifestyle.
