Utilities – Really Right

Insider Alert: PG&E could be sold to Buffett!

By: The Chief

A rare Sunday alert coming from me, but I have inside information regarding a phone call placed by CA Governor Gavin Newsom. My sources tell me in the wake of the utility’s continued “zombie apocalypse,” shutting the power off for days with little or no warning, has irked our supreme leader so much he placed a call to Warren Buffett late Saturday night. No official word yet if this is the same “red line” phone Ronald Reagan installed to communicate directly with the Russians, alas here is what I have been told. Newsom has told Buffett he is fed up with PG&E’s lack of competence and morals, to the point that he wants the entire company sold and a new leadership team in place. Buffett has more than enough cash as his investment vehicle “Berkshire Hathaway” to make the purchase. My sources, (notice that’s plural) tell me Newsom wants Berkshire to buy the utility and be taken private. This will cut out as William likes to say the 90-day calendar and other reporting requirements with both Wall St, and the SEC.

Here in lies the problem, as corrupt and incompetent as PG&E is, the governor is acting illegally. He is not a shareholder, or an executive of the troubled utility. The decision to be made about a sale is up to the executives, and then voted on by the shareholders not the Governor. Why is he reaching out before another company has the chance? Is this because the city of San Francisco, where he used to infest as mayor, was rebuffed at their attempt to buy the company last week?

It’s not out of the question as Berkshire owns utilities in Iowa, Illinois, South Dakota, Nevada, and in the United Kingdom. There is no doubt he could be a qualified buyer, but why is the governor contacting him? Were prices discussed? What about concessions from the California Public Utility Commission? Since the governor appoints that board. I am sure a ton of SEC violations are occurring right now. If you are a shareholder…well, you’re getting wiped out, bondholder? Same. Union? You’ll be just fine.

Stay tuned but prepare to see movement on PG&E stock Monday, as this story will leak.

Chief

Now That Zombie Apocalypse Drill is Over

Now that the evil winds have died down–for now–and electrical service is slowly being restored, we here in the socialist mecca of Venezuela, oops I mean California, have contained the Zombie outbreak…this time. Consider this a practice run for “the big one.” We, living here in the SMUD service area, did experience 48–mostly arson fires–on the first day of the PG&E blackout but I’m sure it’s just coincidence.

In light of the recent fright that Northern Californians experienced from the PG&E power outages, we here at Really Right noticed that PG&E was experiencing a public relations nightmare over this service interruption. Their local offices were egged, their vehicles were shot, and other acts of vandalism occurred as well. As a result, we felt that PG&E needs to undertake a “feel good” campaign to win back the hearts of customers. In a spirit of sympathy for both PG&E and their customers, we decided to screen potential candidates as the new spokesman for the embattled company.

Our first thought was Chuck Norris. Chuck is well known as a man’s man. He doesn’t seem to be gainfully employed any more, at least not in front of the camera so we thought a financially struggling company could afford him. However, we decided that Chuck is not right for a California based company; especially, one headquartered in San Francisco. Chuck is a manly conservative and isn’t compatible with a company that poured ratepayer money into opposing Proposition 8. Why an electric utility has any business in taking sides on whether marriage should be between one man and one woman is just proof that their management sucks. Also, having Chuck Norris associated with this utility has a bigger problem. You see, nobody turns the lights out on Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris puts their lights out.

Nobody turns out the lights on Chuck Norris

Michael Myers was another thought. What is October without Mike? The State is experiencing a lot of tension due to the fright given to them by PG&E and we are busily prepping for Halloween anyway. Baby Boomers, especially those in office, can really relate to Michael. When they were first dating in junior high, going to one of his movies was a surefire way to get a girl to curl-up in their arms. Oh, what fond memories. Mike has California roots being a well-known commodity in Hollywood. Mike is also known to avoid firearms and favors knives for his “wet work“. Given that our current Governor thinks that law abiding people shouldn’t be allowed firearms, this policy might seem to favor a guy like Michael Myers. However, Mike is known as the strong, silent type and like Chuck Norris, prefers to let his hands do the talking. He is really light on dialogue in his movies and that is a problem when you need a guy for doing voiceovers for commercials.

Our third candidate, Freddy Kruger, is strong in areas where Mike Myers is weak. Freddy has a distinctive voice that you never really forget. Freddy also is best known as a guy that reminds you to keep your lights on at night. In fact, Freddy has a following that never wants the lights to go off again. Freddy, unlike Myers, never wears a mask. As a disabled individual, Freddy has really used his disability to make a name for himself. The fact that Freddy is a grossly disfigured burn victim that is thriving amongst ordinary people is inspiring. You never know where he will pop-up next. This fact causes people to pay attention whenever he is on your television. Freddy could be a role model for what PG&E could become. Both have survived a horrible fire and PG&E is learning to overcome adversity and begin life anew. Freddy has been there and done that.

Freddy makes you want to keep the lights on

Some may wonder why I made the connection between Michael, Freddy, and PG&E. And for that, we circle back once again to San Francisco. The progressive leadership in San Francisco wants to dismember parts of PG&E. In some Frankenstein-like way, they want to create their own utility, but unlike a real utility, this one only owns transmission lines and no power generating facilities. I guess that would make it a very “green” utility with no carbon footprint other than that of an occasional fire. PG&E also provides natural gas service to “The City” but no word on who gets that slice of the company.

For those of us living in the real world, this idea makes absolutely no sense; especially, in that city. As the Sith Lord’s father liked to point out, nobody knows what is really under that city. Parts of their infrastructure date back to the Gold Rush era and there are no maps of what lies below the streets of San Francisco. Then there are the parts that survived the 1906 quake which again are not recorded but likely used in some spots. Thus San Francisco has many ancient components of their infrastructure that are in use way beyond their designed life. Taking on this liability is insane on the face of it. The city fathers may very well get their wish and live to regret it as “fire sale” can be defined in more than one sense.

Anyway, both PG&E and Freddy Kruger are associated with fright, fires, and dismemberment. It’s a match made in times of adversity, but it just might work. This association will inspire ratepayers to keep the lights on at any price as the alternative is too frightening. We here at Really Right think they ought to take a stab at it.

Johnnie Does….A Blackout

Sunday January 6th, 2019, a date which will live in infamy. At the Johnnie Does residence I was innocently watching the conclusion of the Bears/Eagles game when the lights and all other power devices suddenly stopped working. The time was around 5:00 PM and since our electric utility monopoly recently switched to a time of use billing system, where folks pay higher rates between 5-8pm I figured my utility was doing me a favor.

Soon thereafter I realized the entire block was without power, was this a “rolling blackout?” I immediately called a friend and learned that he was out of power too. I then texted my parents, they live 5 minutes away, their power was on! I was dumbfounded so I went to the SMUD website, it showed no outages…apparently, I was living in the matrix. That or the Russians had hacked the SMUD power outage alert website. I thought death could be imminent since I was without power and Internet service, no one would be aware of my passing, I was experiencing a blackout.

However this blackout was a new experience for Johnnie Does, he is far more accustomed to the alcohol induced blackout. I remember those well from my college days of drinking copious amounts of alcohol, waking up having no clue who she is, or how I got home…oh sorry it’s a PG rated blog.

I hunkered down and waited.

Eventually, rain and wind knocked out power to over 130,000 people. Unable to cook due to a lack of power, I used my laptop to pass some of the time. At around 10:00 my parents called me to see if I was ok and invited me over, not to offer rations or even a place to charge any devices that run on said power, just to do a wellness check.

On my way back to my dwelling, I was furious at the inconvenience caused by the outage. I passed a CVS…this was the perfect opportunity; I contemplated doing what some of the homies do in Los Angeles and loot the place…hopefully I wasn’t the only one with this idea and the selection was not limited to just Vagisil and Monostat.

To my dismay, the lights and power were functioning there, so I ducked my head down and drove home.

I subsided on a diet of brownies, Tostitos tortilla chips and water from the tap. Batteries eventually died, and as a result I turned in to bed early around 11:00. Then I realized, the power outages are broadcast by the radio all over the county to anyone listening, so the bad guys knew where to go to loot! I grabbed my trusty weapon of choice and worked guard duty ‘til 3:30 am, I kept telling myself if anyone comes through the door, shoot ‘em all and let God sort it out! Out of power myself I eventually turned in without having to use said weapon.

I woke up to find that I was still without power…since I live in a “rural area” the priority is very low for restoring my power. I made due, lifted my garage and closed it behind me and headed off to my place of work…commerce continues despite adverse conditions.

Upon arriving at my office, I was greeted by folks offering really dumb suggestions like the following:
Why didn’t you grill your dinner last night? Well hurricane force winds?????
Why didn’t you microwave your dinner? Lack of power may have something to do with it

The power finally came on at around 4:00 the following afternoon, just in time for “peak electricity rates to occur” funny coincidence? I thought, “Get the **** outta here SMUD, that was weak!”

In the afternoon sunlight, my backyard looked like a war zone due to my 9 redwood trees dropping branches like it was going out of style. The only thing I didn’t lose during that blackout was my sanity. I was able to survive, but I will say this; given a choice between the two different types of blackouts: I prefer the alcohol induced one!

This concludes a real life experience of a blackout.