What a time to be alive. Women at gyms or beaches in thong bikinis. Women wearing leggings for every occasion. Women basically not even covering their top anymore. Women often look like refugees from rap videos dressing like they just can’t wait to be exploited again. It’s wild.
Getting said modern women to go on a date with you, on the other hand, is no fun chore.
I will lay out several instances of mine (and one of my friend’s) to illustrate the issues in the dating pool. William is/was not wrong with his description.
Servpro Chick: this attractive vendor came by my office every other month. She would shoot the breeze with me and was, according to my office partner, “very flirtatious.” I asked her out; yep, went on 3 dates with her. If you’re wondering, I thought after that many dates we would end the evening in the bedroom, but on the verge of “scoring” she confessed to me that she was married and had 2 kids. Yep. Maybe she was trying to see if she “still had it” but wow, what a way to treat your household.
Chick from one office down the hall: We actually met at the gym, on the treadmills. We spoke for about an hour. Quite literally two days later, there was a mixer for all employees in the building where we work. I saw her and went to speak to her; she acted like she didn’t know me. Previously we had a normal conversation, and then she brushes me off. This struck me as odd, but in essence why waste each other’s time pursuing further.
Spartan race chick: This one is truly bizarre. We volunteered several times to prepare racecourses for various venues. It happened that we worked together for hours at a time on multiple occasions in the past 2 years. She reached out to me in January and asked for my cell number. Oh yeah, after some texting with her, suddenly she said I just want to be friends. Again odd. Who asks for someone’s number to be friends only?
Dating app guy: This is actually from a coworker of mine. She matched with a guy on Hinge (dating app) and they had been texting each other. A date was supposed to happen Friday night, it was subsequently rescheduled to Sunday due to his “work commitments.” On Sunday, he ghosted her. Monday morning she told me he “unadded” her or something on that dating app. He then sent 3 messages to her saying she is “so beautiful and wanted a chance to make things up to her.” Of course she refused, she also declared she would be deleting the app.
random image from internet of a woman at gym
There is a reason I do not do dating apps. It seems like that universe is filled with people just wanting a hook up, weirdos, whackos like the guy above, and people who don’t look like their profile picture. I’ve heard this enough that I believe this is the rule not the exception. I would rather just sit out that whole exploitation routine. As you can see, the dating pool is limited and not much hope anymore. But boy is the scenery great at my fitness club!
The Chief
Editor’s Note: then there is the issue of whether said dating prospect has all factor equipment or aftermarket modifications. Yuck! Puts a whole new spin on trust but verify. Just sayin’.
Warning: this post discusses adult themes and is not for the faint of heart or those under 18 years old.
So, I was in the office working today for 90-day guy’s colleague. 90-day guy retired last month but has been coming by to clean-up his personal belongings. He has a computer that is his that he left behind. He quarried me today about what he should do to remove the data from it. I answered that with a question “why are you so concerned with what is on the hard drive?” He quickly retorted he had nothing to hide; he was just curious. I told him either; throw it away in the dumpster or take it to e-waste to be recycled. He wanted no part of either of those as he is convinced someone would obtain said computer and hijack his info. With as much TV as he watches, I would assume he saw reports on the news and likely watched a program about dumpster diving leading to identity theft or something. Odd paranoia for someone who has nothing to hide, am I right?
Computer in need of e-waste or decontamination
Maybe I am naïve, but who would want to obtain your computer and crack the hard drive? Let’s be honest just for a minute, if you are storing your username and passwords on your computer in a Word file, you may be the dumbest person on earth. But even if someone obtained that info, most people have two-factor authentication set up, like I do. You could steal my information, but you would also need my phone to get into any account of mine, as a 6-digit code is sent to my text message box.
He doesn’t have passwords or sensitive info on his computer. It’s pornography, and very disturbing pornography to boot.
How do I know this? Well, it’s speculation because I have not seen it, but let’s just say there is a ton of smoke. Here I’ll explain.
Here are some of the leading indicators:
Sick, very inappropriate sexual jokes. On two separate occasions, he demanded me and my now employer listen to his “very, very funny joke” of a man having sex with a sheep. On the other occasion it was a man having sex with a goat. I will not gross you out by repeating said “jokes.” On both occasions of telling these, he laughed like a four-year-old would laugh at the word “poop”. Neither my current employer nor I laughed at all. 90-day guy said, “what is wrong with you two? It’s funny!” I felt compelled to respond saying “people do not have sex with animals, its gross, disgusting, and a wildly inappropriate topic for a work setting. He didn’t agree.
Normalizing transgender behavior. He has a granddaughter who is dating a transgendered male. He has always wildly defended transgendered people, and I never really knew why. He has suddenly become the “Colin Kaepernick” of defending transgendered people. Calling them “oppressed”, or in need of “being equal to others.”
Odd comments/behaviors about younger girls. So, on this one I caught him. I had to go behind his desk to grab a rate book manual, and on his phone, he was looking at young girls in swimsuits. While this isn’t really a crime per se, it’s pretty gross. He made the comment “when you get older, you need to look at half naked or naked young girls to get it up.” Yikes.
Comments about his granddaughter. This is gross. He made a comment about his freshman in high school granddaughter calling her “hot.” Barf.
Jokes about same sex “sex.” As Jake the Snake will tell you, the Catholic Church screwed up with the priests having sex with young boy’s scandal. Full stop. 90-day guy routinely makes comments about the Catholic priests and the Boy Scout leaders having sex with young boys; like way more often than a normal person would. Seems like an obsession with him. His latest comment was “if two guys are having sex is it considered doggy style?” Yikes.
Odd relationship with his brother. This one is wild. He has nothing good to say about his brother, quite literally nothing. He will golf/hangout with him and afterwards have nothing good to say again. They go out to lunch, again he says zero good to say about him. However, when his brother texts/calls him, he not only answers, he feels compelled to hang out/golf/go to lunch etc. Who does that? When I finally met his brother, I asked him what it was like growing up with 90-day guy. Well, before his brother could get a word in, 90-day guy filibustered, talking about … well … nothing. It was talking just to fill time and not allow anyone else to speak. After he was done with his filibuster, they immediately “had to leave.” More on this later.
So how can I conclude he has porn on his computer?
So, first, I am not a fan of circumstantial evidence, I like seeing a smoking gun, not “if this, then that must be true”. However, in this case, there is too much smoke for there not to be fire.
But porn isn’t illegal!
This is in fact correct. Porn, in my opinion, is likely 70% of the traffic on the internet. Yes, it is not illegal to possess or look at porn. Even the very disturbing men with animals, transgender porn, or even same sex porn. But (btw no good thing ever comes after the word “but”) pornography with people underage is a felony and a major crime at that.
My conclusion.
He is a very sick puppy dog. Very sick. No one of sound mind declares they “have nothing to hide” while simultaneously not wanting their computer to fall into the wrong hands. For the living impaired, if you throw your computer or anything into the trash for that matter, the garbage truck has a ram that will repeatedly smash said garbage over and over again. I have seen said garbage truck empty its load at the dump, with the load being unrecognizable. If someone was going to grab a computer (if they can find one), then in my opinion, go for it. Access it and steal anything you want. News flash: no one is going to do that.
I am positive that he has a treasure trove of very eclectic porn on his computer’s hard drive. The jokes about men having sex with animals is because he is trying to attempt to normalize his obsession. His comments about transgender people being people too is because he is into that as well. When you are into the porn like he is, you have to normalize it. Why? Because nothing is normal at all about a guy having sex with animals, nor a guy deciding he is a girl. The photos of girls in swimsuits, also is not a crime, it gives dirty old man vibes. The porn is not an issue; the problem is as follows.
The porn on his computer is that of underage girls. His comments crystallize it. His paranoia seals it. Folks no one cares what kind of porn you are into, it’s sick but if the actors are over 18, it’s not a crime. Gross, but again, not a crime. However, the porn with underage girls carries something that should scare most people to death. There is no statute of limitations on that.
Ask Subway spokesperson Jared Fogel what happens when they find underage porn on your computer.
The reason for my conclusion
Well, it’s obvious. Folks who have nothing to actually hide do not care if you look at things. William moved my hard drive’s contents from one computer to another. If any out of sorts things existed, he would have found it. Oh, wait, he, like most, doesn’t give a you know what!
And, as a guest blogger, we will turn this over to Jake the Snake for further commentary:
So, I went to a lecture about addiction. It focused on all addictions. I failed the bar exam so that was part of it, it was not court ordered by the way. When the speaker spoke about porn, it was eye opening. First, you watch guy/girl porn, then maybe girl/girl or I guess guy/guy porn. The point being, the guy/girl doesn’t do it for you anymore. So, you need to go for more hardcore. I think that is where the transgender porn come in, because “regular porn” doesn’t cut it. Then the underage porn come into play, because of course, the other porn doesn’t cut it anymore. The animal porn well… see above. As you desensitize yourself, you are having to reach further for something to get you off. Barf.
Commentary by The Chief Continues
Folks, this is going to hurt, but it’s likely the truth. I made a comment about 90-day guy and his brother. The vibe that I get from their relationship is that he was sexually assaulted by his brother at a young age. Yep, go ahead and say I’m crazy, but he was very uncomfortable when his brother was around. He wanted to spend zero time even acknowledging his childhood existence. He apparently hates him, unless he is in the room. The act is obvious. He has been on the business end of a dick. He tries to justify transgender behavior which is normal for those who like same sex porn. His comments about very young girls are nothing but a chance to stay relevant.
Folks, if I saw a babe wearing a thong swimsuit at my gym, I admit I’d be looking. Clearly, she wants me to. Chief is 40, not dead! But under aged children NFW.
90-day guy fantasizing about seeking out young girls when he is older, gross. Hoping such a girl might really want to be with some dirty old man like him, twisted. Feeding said perversions from the internet while at work and simultaneously claiming he is a happily married man, simply beyond my vocabulary to describe.
I hope he figures out what to do with his computer, but man, be true to yourself.
Tomorrow marks one year since my bride died. She took her last breath about eight feet from where I’m sitting right now. I am reminded of her in random ways: smells, sounds, sights, and seasons.
One thing to know about my wife was that music was important to her. She liked the old Roger’s and Hammerstein musicals, opera, and classical compositions. Heck, her major in college was voice or vocal training if you prefer. She often sang at community events before I came along. She continued to sing during our marriage but got invited less frequently as the years went on. In later years, she sang at many funerals.
She and her children sang a song for me at our wedding.
It was a surprise that they sprung on me after the ceremony. As it was recounted to me, she and the children would practice singing it on the way to school in the morning. The song was, “If You Could See What I See” by Geoff Moore. The song became her ringtone for the entirety of our marriage. We’re not the only people to use the song during a wedding but it was special to me.
Oh, eventually my generic ringtone was “Holly Jolly Christmas” by Burl Ives. Each of the children earned their own ringtones too. Child #1 got “When the Saints Go Marching In” which was due in part to this child being a band nerd. Child #2 earned “Now that We’re Men” from the first Sponge Bob movie.
As good as my ringtones were, when each child was born, their mother assigned each a song. The song was mostly a bedtime thing. I don’t recall what the songs were. If I guessed, “Baby Mine” from Dumbo went to child #2. Child #3 was assigned a church hymn like “Amazing Grace” or something like that. Child #1, no clue what song it was although the wife was partial to classic Disney stuff.
I have a special place in my heart for the three songs listed below.
“The Warrior is a Child” by Twila Paris
“Touch of the Master’s Hand” by Wayne Watson
“Tell Me Again” by Geoff Moore
During my wife’s cancer and beyond, I frequently listened to “Stand by Me” by Darrell Mansfield.
Darrell has six or seven versions of the song that I have accumulated over the years. My favorite is from his album “People Get Ready” from 2009. It is a slightly edited version of “Stand by Me” from his live concert video released in 2008. Darrell Mansfield owns this song. He reclaimed it as the church hymn that it once was but stays with the tune made famous by Sam Cook. The video version of the concert is worth it just to watch this song and “Tell the Truth”.
One other song that deserves an honorable mention that has some musical hooks and lyrics that get my attention is “Things Left Unsaid” by Disciple. Many lines really sting when I listen to it, but a few don’t/didn’t apply to our relationship.
It’s just a matter of time a few days ago I saw you, you were fine Remembering what you said About the book you read The one I got you The Beginning of the End Oh how we’d talk For hours upon end What I give Just to do it again But you’re lying there In this hospital bed Won’t you open you eyes And let’s talk once again
If you fly away tonight I want to tell you that I love you I hope that you can hear me I hope that you can feel me
Well I’ve been here all night And I’m watching you Breathe in and breathe out Is it really you Or just a machine That’s giving you life And it’s making it seem That there could be hope I could say to your face If it weren’t for you That there would be no grace That’s covered my life You took the time To speak into my mind And my heart Words of life
If you fly away tonight I want to tell you that I love you I hope that you can hear me I hope that you can feel me
So goodbye for now And I’ll see you again Some way, somehow When it’s my time to go To the other side I’ll hold you again And melt at your smile Now all I have Are the ones that I’m with And you taught me not To take for granted The time that we have To show that we care Speak into their minds And their hearts While they’re here And say I love you
If you fly away tonight I want to tell you that I love you I hope that you can hear me I hope that you can feel me
I’m gonna call this post a wrap. I’m feeling spent just thinking about her last few hours of life. Disciple’s lyrics hit close to home and emotionally strike a chord with me as well. I’m sure you can find all the songs listed on YouTube or Amazon Music.
On my recent visit to the once golden state, I saw a behavior that I haven’t noticed before. The older folks purposely decided not to raise certain issues just to keep peace in the family. I think this was for their well-being and not mine.
My folks don’t talk about my girlfriend. My mom says she doesn’t want to hear about it but keeps bringing it up anyway. I took the hint and don’t tell her that we will get hitched in a few months. On this visit she kept asking me about my future plans. I gave her an evasive answer since she kept saying she didn’t want to hear about my friend. It was kind of weird.
She also kept talking about women that were previously married not wanting to do it again. No shit Sherlock. I learned that lesson on my trip to Ireland last summer. Somehow, she ignores it when I told her that during my last visit with them, but when she learns it from her friends, more recently, somehow its now true. Keep up with the group mom.
I’m past caring what my parents think about me getting married again. I don’t get why they suddenly care. They wanted me to divorce my previous wife because she was, in their opinion, a “bad mother.”
Essentially, my mom wants me to find a white girl with a bunch of baggage, personal and financial, and somehow that will lead to happiness. Sorry, I don’t want to marry someone that looks like my grandmother—or at least my memory of her. I also don’t want a babe that is Dave Ramsey’s worst financial nightmare.
I know a good deal when I see it. My girlfriend is someone worth pursuing. As I have said before, she checks all the boxes in what I say I want in my next wife.
My other quiet encounter concerns my father-in-law. It was understood that any discussion of a certain baby was verboten. When others brought the subject up, I just deflected. We both avoided the issue which was fine with me. I’m not a biological relation to the child or its parents so that was easy to take a pass on discussing.
So, there you have it, avoid certain topics and you can peacefully coexist, even when visiting family. The key is not to be totally honest and learn which things need to be withheld. They don’t want to know what’s really going on in my life. Check the things that promote drama at the door. Nobody knows everything I really did on my recent visit to California.
Lastly, unless someone ends up in the hospital or the morgue, I don’t plan another trip to the Left Coast this year.
In a very rare once in a lifetime situation, we had an emergency meeting of the blog staff sans William. We met at a local pizza joint and are looking forward to Johnnie Does reviewing it.
We blog because we love it.
Look at the talent we have here at Reallyright.com
The Chief is our political blogger. He goes after both parties even calling out Donald Trump when he sees fit. Chief even went after Aaron Park and rumor has it that Park couldn’t sit for a week due to the beating Chief put on him! One thing is for sure; he takes zero prisoners!
George and Aaron Park with Jeb Bush on 05-13-2015
Real simple, do not tell me Jeb Bush is a squish and then sit front row at a fundraiser event in Reno.
Johnnie Does is a wild man. His food reviews have actually shut a couple of businesses down. He actually got an Afghani place to quit using Frank’s Red Hot as a substitute for actual hot sauce. The owner of Side Burn BBQ got into the comment section and tried to refute him, the place closed down in about a week. Dickey’s BBQ has shut twice, one thing is for sure, if you like average BBQ go own or eat at a Dickey’s. Iif Johnnie Does has the cannon aimed at you, pray for rain or mercy because it will not be good.
Jake the Snake is our resident “Catholic” we use air quotes because his blogging makes us wonder if he puts money in the collection basket or takes it out when the offering basket goes around. He has never met a Pope he actually likes. He is for sure not scared at all of calling out the Church for its misguided ways. Jake will be spending a long time in Purgatory, look it up you heathens! Transgender parents? No thanks.
Troll cannot be taken seriously. Literally during this get together, he was reading a Playboy and smoking a joint. He doesn’t take things seriously and we don’t take him seriously. He has a love for Jennifer Aniston, Hope Hicks, Lolo Jones, and Angel Reese. He does know smoking hot women, at least from afar. We have a sneaky suspicion he has a thing for Lauren Bobert as well, to be continued. Troll loves nothing more than mocking folks, but he has not blogged recently. He and Johnnie Does are going to be on a milk carton soon if they do not shape up.
Let us take a gander at what we have accomplished here on the blog.
As mentioned earlier, Johnnie Does has shut down a couple restaurants, he has talent.
Folks the blogs went viral, we had record traffic on the blog. We had an attorney threaten a lawsuit while naming his client in the comment section. Full disclosure, we only named his first name, the attorney put his full name in the comment section, are you retarded? Sure, he was not charged with a crime, but my reporting got the attention of the attorney representing the survivors, and a journalist at the local paper. I was interviewed by both; my stories are credible. William gave me a platform; we got a ton of views! I make no apologies for my reporting or talents.
Thank you for your attention to this matter!
Blog Staff
Editor’s Note: we also used to have a contributor named Mr. X: the man with no name.
Mr. X went dark once the CRA faded away. I guess he ran out of windmills to tilt at or something. Maybe Mr. X, got mad when Twitter stole his online persona and claimed it as their own.
I have been getting a ration of crap lately from a few people asking me why I blog and why I select the topics that I do. As for blogging, blame Hugh Hewitt’s book, Blog.
My answer to why is simple; I blog for me. When I pick a topic, it’s usually for one of the following reasons.
1. I want to research something and keep the information somewhere that I can access it on the fly. I might blog on a computer issue, how I did a home repair, or some issue that caught my attention.
Example: when I went to my wife’s grave a few days ago, I entered one word in the blog search engine and got my last post about my wife. I sat next to her grave and read my post, pausing to wipe my nose several times as I cried.
2. I want to express my feelings about something that I am experiencing. This blog is a personal blog. I am not trying to earn fame or money from the things that I post. I make it a habit not to name names or give out hordes of personally identifiable information. It seems that lots of folks assume that I take them to task by name, but this is not true. I will occasionally mention my relationship to someone but never their name. Often, it’s as vague as “I know a person who did …”
I occasionally blog about kids and relationships. I make it my practice to only use the names of public people or folks in the news. The only exception is an obituary on my wife that was copied from another source and reposted on the blog.
3. I want to opine about current events. I reserve the right to call people out when I think they are hypocrites or say dumb things. For example, if you claim to be a follower of Christ and defend abortion, transgender folks, or other things contrary to Scripture, I may occasionally say something about you. This includes the Roman Pontiff, a current U.S. Senate candidate in Texas, or someone married to a local church Elder. My solution is to practice what you claim to believe and get a pass from me. I will not fire the first shot but will be happy to return fire if the mood strikes me.
4. I do allow other folks to submit things that they write for publication on the blog. I will even allow stuff to be posted here that I don’t agree with. Occasionally, I have sought out folks that gripe about something that was posted here, but nobody to whom I have offered a chance for rebuttal has been willing to submit a contrary opinion. I try only to edit for grammar and spelling. I don’t always get it right but think my edits improve the understandability of submitted material.
The bottom line is that if you don’t like discussions about religion, politics, or my life then stay away from this blog. If you wish to avoid being mentioned on the blog, try treating me as a fellow image bearer of God, judge me with the same measure that you judge yourself, and if you have an offense against me work it out. As a rule, I don’t hold grudges against people that treat me poorly; however, if you treat others poorly, I reserve the right to call you out on it, perhaps mercilessly.
As I told someone recently, get the beam out your eye first and then we can take a look at mine. I am having way more fun right now blogging on religion than other issues. Lately, if I’m having to take time out to go after you, then you must really be trying to get on my bad side, because I’m not looking for an excuse to take a whack at anyone. I would much rather live in peace with most folks.
I went to the once golden state to attempt to accomplish a few things.
Sadly, a few didn’t materialize. I didn’t visit or have any contact with a person mentioned elsewhere on the blog and the blog staff meeting fell through due to some family issues on their part.
On the plus side, I did get to spend two wonderful days with my father-in-law. He’s a great guy. I also got to pay my respects to my departed wife. It’s a few days shy of the one-year anniversary of her death. While I was in Elk Grove, I visited my wife’s grave and left her a dozen red roses. I read an account of her life which was previously posted on the blog.
Upon reading the post, I did agree to a recommendation previously given to me, to remove a jab at someone that I poked in the narrative. Once I got back to the place where I am staying, the criticism of the individual was removed but their contribution, which was praised, remains in the narrative.
One observation was the high cost of everything under the domain of Newsom. Regular gasoline was $6.25 at a Shell station in Livermore, California. The cost of drive-through food was markedly higher than freedom loving Idaho. Menu choices were fewer as well.
The frogs in the pot of water might grumble a bit but they are generally happy as the water hits boiling. Generally, people think the “other guy” is getting hurt worse than they are. It seems weird traveling through a world built on the pillars of envy and disposability. Seeing masses of people thinking a dystopian world is normal is surreal.
I accomplished another goal; namely, I got my girl the long-promised diamond ring. I was hoping she would want a ruby engagement ring, but I did ask to verify what she expected. Good thing that I did. On the other hand, she already received a gold ruby ring from me last year. Now I just need to pay a few bills and then plan a return trip. Oh, said return trip, if I buy the ticket now, has a $550 fuel surcharge on top of the regular rate for airfare. I might save money if I wait to buy a ticket.
I had an ambitious schedule for this trip and accomplished many objectives. Tomorrow, I need to make a purchase at Ikea and then have another lunch opportunity with a groomsman from my wedding. Once these events are completed, I’m ready to return to north Idaho. I miss my puppy.
Folks William’s blog about the sinless attacking him is par for the course these days. This is Baby Boomers trying to attack folks through straw man arguments when things do not go according to plan.
This graphic is supposed to represent the Baby Boomer generation
The key is to fight that fire with gasoline! Here is how.
Folks there are 3 types of parents.
Disciplinarian: You chide your kids each time they screw up or go off routine. This works just fine until said child gets a car or goes off to college. They rebel and things go south quite quickly as they realize when the parents are not around, they can and will do anything they please with no repercussions. This isn’t terrible but eventually leads to problems if not corrected.
Traditionalists: The parents give their children all the tools to succeed, intervene, when necessary, but mostly are there as “guardrails” as opposed to being a helicopter parent. This is the category I was in; I positioned myself for success getting a full ride to college, my sister chose a life of crime. My parents did try; she does not want to change.
Helicopter parents: Or “friend parents” as I call them. These parents want to control their kids’ lives and mold them after what they couldn’t be. There will be no consequences because if they don’t like the teacher’s grades, they will go to the principal. If that fails, it’ll be a phone call or letter to the school board. Coach won’t play my kid, they go to the athletic director. The parents: defend, coddle, and make excuses for said children at every turn, the kids never hear the word “no.”
If you still cannot figure it out, options 1 and 3 listed above are the problems in today’s society. In option 1, the kid will rebel, and if they do not find issues or consequences with their behavior, it will get worse not better. In option 3 why should your kid apologize? They did nothing wrong; their entire life has been sheltered and enabled so why apologize? Rather than choosing things like counseling, let the person go down the path they are going down. Sure, you won’t like the journey, but in my experience that’s the only thing that can cause someone to wake up.
In the case of my sister, listed above, the reality of the situation was shared with me by my parents. They stated after the age of 30, people are set in their ways, they won’t change. They are both dealing with health issues; they have bigger things to worry about. They fully believe their daughter will come around someday, but she must hit rock bottom. Folks, for some people, bottom doesn’t have enough rocks to stop them. My parents shared that they think it’s equally likely she winds up in a ditch and they get a late-night phone call to come “identify a body.”
If you think that last sentence makes me not a real Christian; ok, you are entitled to an opinion. Go ahead try to be “captain save a ho” and spend your years left on earth trying to fix people. We’ve spent tons of money on homeless solutions…. Nothing has gotten better. Ditto with mass transit, and other objectives, you cannot fix some people/problems. They can only fix themselves. Trying counseling or an intervention just gives that person what they want, it’s not my fault it’s yours.
So how do you fight fire with gasoline?
Easy, it requires thinking about yourself and your own wellbeing. Your problem kid wants to move back in? They do it on your terms. If drinking, drugs, and not having a job aren’t allowed, they better conform or they can’t return to the house. It’s your house, your rules, do not compromise. Once you start deviating, the child catches on and will push more and more. Remember the book you read as a kid, If you give a mouse a cookie, he will want a glass of milk. It never ends.
Let history be the judge of your parenting. You can always say “what if” later on in life, a child going off the rails doesn’t mean you are a bad parent. Look at the negative influence the television and social media has on all young people. Thank God I am not on it!
The bigger thing to take from this blog is this, why are you letting folks judge you? It is your life not theirs. The people judging you are likely miserable. So your girlfriend is overweight? What’s it to them? You aren’t married, have no kids? Again, are YOU happy? They make fun of your friends, yet they have none of their own. Trust me when I say this, their kids are doing worse than yours. It’s called being shallow and extremely insecure. They are trying to attack someone else’s castle when they have many problems in their own. Oh, they make fun of your choice in women? I truly hope they are dating a super model! News flash; they aren’t. Make fun of me for not being married? Sure, I also see you and your wife arguing in public, I wonder what the drive home is like.
Folks, who cares what your friends think about you, they should always be there for you…. If they are judging you, they are not your friend. You will be living with the person full-time, not them. If all they see is looks/financial situation/work title they are shallow as hell. I guarantee you they are not happy.
In closing I’ll say this. William, screw what the Boomers think about your parenting style, who cares?
Yeah, the 90-day guy attacks me, as do my extended family. I’m 40 now, no wife, no kids. I will admit I am an easy target for folks who believe in some weird game of life. Trust me when I say this, the guy who is married making fun of your girlfriend, has a treasure trove of porn on his computer. Oh, when people make fun of your friends saying they’re fat, spend too much, or what have you, I guarantee such a person is a loner. Kids do not talk to you? That’s a reflection on you. So, am I missing something or inadequate? No thanks. I’m good. My house which I paid 300K for is worth about 600K, my stock picks are worth about 500K, I have about 150K in cash equivalents. Trust me, I’d take my life over yours. Money isn’t even a thing to me, I gave away 35K last year. But trust me, you are doing better than me, I’m the inadequate one, your trophy wife, what happens when she is no longer a size zero? Better go on one of those weight loss drugs, right? As she ages, better get a boob job and a butt job, right? Seriously William, read the blog a few times. If that discussed above is happiness ….. no thanks.
As Dr. Kenneth Gentry pointed out when commenting on this verse, the training in this verse is not that of following God but the opposite; it is the child deciding how he shall go and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Thus, if a child is not taught to obey but is allowed to stay in his rebellion, when he is old then he will not depart from his wayward ways. Thus, such a child will not follow God’s Law but will be ruled by his belly. When he is old, he will decide based on his personal morality which is arbitrary and situational.
When a three-year-old behaves wrongly it might be cute or laughable but when that same three-year-old is thirty and acting the same way, it is a tragedy. It is worse when such a person has family members that make excuses for them as to why they don’t have to grow up during the intervening years.
As stated often and elsewhere on the blog, the Bible teaches that the compassion of the wicked is cruelty. Sometimes parents would rather enable the rebellious child than correct them. They make excuses and justify why Johnny doesn’t have to behave in age-appropriate ways. In our society, enabling bad behavior is often called a disability. With the right form or diagnosis, people get exempted. This pushes them off to the side and out of the way of society. They get to play the sympathy card whenever they are called out for improper behavior.
Once such rebellious children move out of the house, they still expect their family to make excuses for them. They weren’t expected to grow up when living at home so why is that different once they are living on their own.
♬ It’s All About Me ♬ It’s All About Me ♬
Thou shalt not curse the deaf, nor put a stumblingblock before the blind …
Leviticus 19:14.
In my own experience, it was the violation of this Biblical Law that was the straw that broke the proverbial back of the camel. My wife had fallen at work and hurt her back. She was only able to move around the house in a walker and with great difficulty. Her adult child claimed that it was too difficult to put her crap in her room and generally keep her stuff picked up. Instead, she threw stuff in the common areas of the house and didn’t care about where they went. She demanded the right to put obstacles in the pathway of her injured mother. When told of her lack of consideration, she threw a huge tantrum. She was OK with putting hazards in the way of her mother and causing her mother to trip. Which did in fact happen.
This child refused any correction and repeatedly rebuffed expectations to act in age-appropriate ways. She demanded to do only the things that she felt like doing, which was close to nothing, and be exempted from all else. Her excuse was that “it was too many rules to learn.” NO, it was common courtesy for others.
It was during this period that her mom decided that since her daughter would not abide by the rules of our household that she needed to move out. I allowed myself to be the villain in this drama. I did in fact oppose the daughter moving out but whenever it was me or the children, I always lost, even when I was right. Note to readers, it’s more important to save the marriage than be right.
Allowing the child to move out was pivotal in destroying the relationship that we once had with her. Sadly, too many years of enabling bad behavior by excusing it had created a firestorm that could no longer be contained.
Emboldened by the newfound independence that she experienced, it was not too long before the pastor of the church summoned me to Nouthetic counseling with said child. I attended several sessions with both the pastor and this child. Oh, with Nouthetic counseling please understand that it was decided ahead of time that I was in sin and had committed some grave error that only they could correct. The weird part was that never once during these sessions was I told why I was there. Neither my wife nor I ever knew. Believe me, I asked my wife more than once.
Anyway, towards the end of these sessions, I was expected to apologize for whatever I had done to said child to cause offense. Again, I was never told, it was just assumed. Folks, I gave her the most sincere and heartfelt apology that I have ever done in my life. I verbally did what the Japanese used to do in real life, I fell on the sword, disemboweled myself, and then removed my head.
In a normal reconciliation situation, once a party apologizes, the other person is expected to confess their sins as well and then having been forgiven, we turn over a new leaf and try restoring the relationship; however … not this child.
Crickets.
One thing this child will not and never has done is apologize for anything. Oh, and for the record, “I’m sorry” is not a proper or biblical apology.
And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son.
Luke 15:21.
When her turn came to apologize, nothing. In her mind, she has no faults, shortcomings, or sins. She judges everything by the measure of herself, thus there is no fault. Error is only found in the rest of us for falling short of her glory.
It was the outcome of these counseling sessions that my wife and I forever lost our daughter.
Why Vent now
Oh, why am I venting on this now? Said child recently had a baby. I was hoping to offer an olive branch to her and her husband and go visit the child next week. Nieve me. I was hoping this would be a chance to begin again. However, I was informed via email last night that I am an evil influence and can’t be allowed around her child until such time as she is convinced that I have been rehabilitated and found worthy.
I fired off a response a few hours after I returned home last night. Essentially, I quoted Scripture and said take the beam out of your own eye and then we can attend to mine.
When people think their shit doesn’t stink, there’s not much you can do.
Only when you treat others as fellow image bearers of God can you hope for reconciliation. Scripture wants us to walk a few miles in the other person’s shoes and acknowledge our faults. Some people aren’t willing to do that.
Reconciliation is her choice and it always has been. She is unwilling to forgive. She would rather be angry and offended. I can only conclude that she doesn’t know what love is.
In her letter last night, she mentioned that I talk about her on the blog. I do but only because she doesn’t allow communication with her directly. Please note that I do not use the names of any of the children—all adults—on my blog.
I don’t need a relationship with her, if I had one it would enrich my life just a little but again, it’s not my choice.
Hatred of Mom
What does really grate on me is the lack of love that she showed to her mother. Her mother bent over backwards to do things for her, but all mom got in return was to be despised and discarded. Seeing my wife go through that was inexcusable. There is a verse in the Bible that talks about God saving all our tears in a bucket, if that’s really true then my wife has a whole room of tears in buckets. There were so many times that she wept bitterly over the despicable treatment that she was given by her daughter. So many sleepless nights. So many prayers to God to repair the torn relationship. Sadly, it never got better.
Mom went to her grave without properly reconciling with her daughter. It was mom’s hope and mine that maybe if her daughter became a mother that she might see how horribly she treated her mother. It’s been a year since mom died but her daughter hasn’t changed. The motherhood thing is new for her, but I doubt it will be a catalyst for the hoped change.
My wife died hoping that somehow her death would cause her children to seek God and healing for the things broken in their lives. One year later, I’m still hoping that wish would be reality.
Conclusion
Apparently, some people would rather cling to their trespasses and sin, even some that claim the name of Christ. Love is dying to yourself and putting others first. So is being a parent. Loving a child requires sacrificial love. When your child despises the sacrifices made on their behalf, it’s tragic.
I love my wife’s three children. They all need God’s healing touch but in very different ways. The truth is that we all do.
Attorney Mario has finally written up the necessary documents to get my girlfriend’s annulment underway. He has had the necessary reports that he needed since December 9th of last year, but it wasn’t until earlier today that he got the documents filed with the court.
Folks, we are grateful that Mario is finally moving forward. Our frustration is that he moves with roughly the same speed as John Thune trying to bring the SAVE Act to a vote in the Senate.
John Thune–The Turtle II
So now the Court attempts to notify felon Dennis that his piñata wife finally has the means to dump him. My girl and I are expecting that Dennis will not be notified (for reasons stated below) and will not dispute the proceedings. Last I heard, Dennis, is hanging out in South Korea, except when seeing his new girlfriend. He can’t return to his home country due to an outstanding warrant for hospitalizing his wife when they last saw each other. Yep, you’re a class act when you cheat on your wife, abandon her, and then beat the shit out of her just for fun.
Oh, Dennis does know the annulment is happening because he was convinced to unblock his ex on social media long enough to be told. That was in November. Oh, his reply was that if she gave him the house and two million pesos (~$35,000) that he wouldn’t object. Yo! Dennis, who’s the scumbag in this equation?
Not to be out done, Dennis has a sister or two that is harassing both me and my new girlfriend online via fake accounts of Facebook. The sisters are sending anonymous messages to us via these fake accounts. Oh, the newer accounts are using photos of my girl as their profile pictures. One profile picture is one that my girl put on Facebook in November of the two of us at the beach, and the other is one of her after being beaten; said photo was only shared with the police and her ex as part of the arrest warrant process. It was never posted on social media.
It appears that the sister[s] are upset that my girl will get half of the money when the house, which is jointly owned, is sold after the annulment is completed. We (my girl and I) agreed months ago not to go after the other assets that her ex has hidden just to get this unpleasant mess behind us. Instead of being thankful that we are not attempting to extract every last farthing from him, he and his family are being vindictive that my girl gets a few crumbs off the table. They are mad that she gets anything.
Anyway, after the notification attempted box is checked, then the court process can begin. As of now, it will be three hearing dates spread over a few months. The process is crippled to prevent a fast process. Hopefully, at some point, we are hoping that the judge will issue a summary judgment in my girl’s favor and truncate the process, so we don’t have to go the distance with all the hearings. Anyway, her freedom is coming. It’s been nine years since he was first caught cheating. The marriage cratered from that point. By any metric, the marriage is dead and has been for many years.
