Trump Pardons the Original Troll

Greetings again. I take a break today from professing my love for Hope Hicks to highlight a man who laid the groundwork for me to troll on the internet today! I am talking about the Original Troll, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich!

former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich

“Blago” as everyone in Illinois called him, was elected in 2002. When the one term US Senator Barack Obama won the Presidency in 2008, Blago decided he could sell Obama’s old Senate seat to the highest bidder.

I’m really being serious. Just dig into these recordings of him. “I’ve got this thing, and it’s f******g golden. I’m just not giving it up for f******g nothing. It’s a f******g valuable thing, you just don’t give it away for nothing. If I don’t get what I want … I’ll just take the Senate seat myself.” Oh, my, God, that is pure gold.

But wait, he was not done, listen to all these additional requirements….

  • A substantial salary for himself at either a non-profit foundation or an organization affiliated with labor unions.
  • Placing his wife on paid corporate boards where he speculated she might garner as much as $150,000 a year. (Same deal Michelle Obama got when Barack was Senator)
  • Promises of campaign funds—including cash up front.
  • A Cabinet post or ambassadorship for himself to Serbia.

I respect a man who is always looking for his next move, and especially one looking out for his wife’s well-being. I love the non-profit foundation board, everyone could use a write-off, and one affiliated with organized labor to boot? Who did this guy think he was? Corporate Board appointments? Always a plus; solid do nothing gig with access to private jets! Campaign cash up front…talk about a personal slush fund, what a guy! A cabinet post or ambassador to Serbia? Ok that is a wild move! Why not the Bahama’s or something?

Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich

But wait there was even more…..This guy was also charged with these crimes:

  • Attempting to extort the owners of the Tribune Company to fire Chicago Tribune editors who criticized the governor’s handling of state affairs.
  • Abuse of power concerning release of US$8 million of state funds to Children’s Memorial Hospital expecting to obtain a $50,000 campaign contribution.
  • Seeking graft in the form of $2.5 million in campaign contributions (through 2008) from companies and individuals who have received state contracts or appointments.

Extorting a newspaper is a total mob boss move…no shock as Blago hails from Chicago. Ripping off a children’s hospital…wow…that’s, yeah, not cool. I’m sure Hell won’t be your only stop. As far as grafting campaign contributions, well pretty much any political type does that.

However it wasn’t just his crimes, this guy literally believed his poop didn’t stink. He was king of the bizarre interview, speaking to anyone and anybody about his innocence. I still remember him on the Glenn Beck program on Fox News doing a 30 minute interview of him denying it was him on the recordings. Even doubling down saying it wasn’t illegal. The interview was so bizarre Beck apologized at the end to the viewers, right in front of “Blago,” saying that it was a complete and total waste of time. Not to be outdone, he went on David Letterman, (also a troll) and Dave gave it back to him, like only Dave could. Blago said he wanted to be on Dave’s show in the worst way….only for Dave to retort “this is the worst way.” Check out this zinger while he was on vacation from his publicist, “I’m saddened and hurt, but I am not surprised by the indictment. I am innocent. I now will fight in the courts to clear my name.” Wow, he still got 14 years in jail, serving 8, until Trump pardoned him yesterday.

In closing I will say this, “Blogo” likely was given a sentence that was harsh, but he acted like a total gavone through his entire existence as Governor. Very few people could be less contrite when hit with the crimes he was hit with. Only worse, he then made the rounds telling anyone who would listen how innocent he was and this was all a witch hunt or a conspiracy. Like I said earlier he was an original troll, he trolled all of us, thinking this was some kind of big game or something. The whole episode was fun to watch, but man was it painful at the same time. I will never forget being on the toll road in Illinois and seeing his name all over the “Open Road Tollways” talk about a classic troll move…hopefully those signs were removed.


Got to give Blago credit though, he literally nailed the corrupt politician look. Just look at him, Black poofy hair, s**t eating grin, absolutely no self-awareness at all. Think Michael J Fox channeling a TV preacher soliciting contributions.

If Sprit of Halloween needed a corrupt politician costume, just sell copies of that guy.