I guess I’m anti-Trump now right? You know the right-wing folks who worship the ground he walks on. The same folks who endorsed Lyin’ Ted the first go round. Now, Trump can do no wrong in their minds. I’m not anti-Trump, I just want to point out some things about this new Air Force 1 jet “donation.”
First, the existing Air Force One has to be over 30 years old or close to it. The president and other dignitaries fly on this jet. Frankly it may no longer be safe and is likely at/close to the end of its useful life. Simply put, I do not want anyone of importance on that jet any longer. We need a new one.
Why don’t we have a new one?
Well, Boeing got the contract. It was very likely “no bid” due to Boeing being the “American manufacturer” of airplanes. Boeing, as per usual, cannot complete a project on time and on budget, so it’s delayed delivery of the new Air Force One for a very long time. (I think it was supposed to be delivered during Trump’s last term.) Who knows? With that company’s track record, it may not be ready until 2050. Even if it is ready, will it be safe? Again, look at the track record recently.
Why am I calling it a mistake taking a “free” Air Force One?
Optics. William will tell you I am a big optics guy. Don’t tell me it’s free or you got a great deal or the best deal lay out the actual cost. There is something else going on here in my opinion and I do not see how I can be wrong. I hope I am …
Why?
I simply do not trust anything out of that part of the world. Saudi Arabia, United Arab Emirates, Qatar, Yemen, Oman … doesn’t matter to me. They have so many petrol dollars they can play all over the world as far as influence and investments go. A rumor circulating the interwebs was Qatar was paying now AG Pam Bondi $119,000 a month as a lobbyist years ago. A month! Some of these countries even blockaded Qatar for a while due to their alleged ties to terror organizations. While the blockade has ended, I do believe most of these Arab nations have been funding proxy attacks on the US forces and Israel. Sure, Iran is behind them as well, but I think these countries want instability in the area.
Why instability?
The US has a very large air force base in Qatar. Al Udeid airbase is where we stage most of our Middle East operations. If we were to attack Iran or another terror group in the Middle East, it would be launched from there. Qatar is an oil rich nation that really doesn’t have a military, they rely on us to defend them. As a result, we get to use this airbase. We also use it to attack many groups funded by these nations such as the Houthis, Hamas, and Hezbollah to name a few that are active in Yemen, Gaza (or Palestine I guess) and Lebanon. I fully believe these nations fund the terrorists, so we stick around to provide defense here.
A $400 million plane for a defense agreement? Really?
No, not in the slightest. There is a lot more to this than meets the eye. I think it is interesting that now President Trump wants the sanctions removed on Syria. Granted NATO ally Turkey led a coalition to overthrow the government of Syria, but that was very recent, only a couple months ago. Now we are going to lift all sanctions? Turkey is a Muslim nation like the others I named above, in my opinion they look out for themselves far before they look out for others. Case in point; Turkey has supplied Ukraine with drones for use in the war but has also not abided by sanctions against Russia. They are very much like these gulf countries in that they play on both sides.
Let’s be honest here, how much do we know about Syria’s new government? We know nothing, it’s to soon. Like any government that is overthrown, we always assume it’s for the better. That is rarely the case.
I also think this has implications for Israel. This could be bad or good depending on your thought process/ideology. It is very odd timing that the last “American hostage” was released by Hamas later that day after this “deal” went down. I say odd timing because I think Qatar spoke for all Arab countries with that jet …. I think Bibi Netanyahu is about to fire his last missile/attack into Gaza. Those countries are getting tired of him and Israel, but specifically his warmongering policy. I think there will be a resolution here soon.
Yes, I think the plane was a bribe …. maybe not in the traditional sense but they bought a lot of influence.
In closing, ask yourself this fellow republicans/conservatives, if Joseph Robinette Biden Jr., Barack Obama, or Hillary Clinton accepting this plane, what you would say what? Don’t answer. You and I already know the answer. You would be outraged. I am willing to let this play out, but I think Qatar just bought one hell of a lot of influence with President Trump. And if there is one thing the Trumps love, its money/expensive things.
Recently you may have seen reports about the birth rate in the United States plummeting big time. But in case you have been living under a rock or just watching cable ‘til your eyes bleed, it’s getting bad. The unquestionable truth is Millennials and Gen Z are not getting married and those who do tie the knot are not having kids. It’s so bad Trump has floated the idea of a $5000 payment if you have a kid(s). Allow me to explain the position below, if you think everything is fine then enjoy your favorite sports league, political commentary show, drama series, or soap opera as it is likely going to start soon and you better not miss it! Remember you pay $300 or so a month for it… get your money’s worth.
Bloggers note: The numbers and figures I’m using here are a low-ball numbers, obviously different professions/vehicles/cost of living area’s will vary. It’s a point not a thesis.
Insurmountable debt: Let’s face it, that college mom and dad forced you to attend didn’t come cheap. You have damn near 6 figures in student loans. You just found out the Department of Education is not forgiving them, so you have to work. Oh, and it’s not a job that pays 100K; its closer to 50K if you are lucky. Then add in a car payment, with the rapid rise in costs due to (cough the plandemic, cough, cough) the payment is damn near $500 a month. Add in about $100 for insurance and that pay check is damn near spoken for. If you have credit card debt, and a great many do… some to the tune of 5 figures, that’s just gravy on top of this mashed potato mountain of debt. The wedding is not going to be free, neither is the kiddo by the way. Now imagine doubling that, ‘cause you know marriage.
Expensive housing costs: I’m not even talking about owning a home, just rent for an apartment/house. You are likely conservatively talking about $2200 a month here. That’s for a studio/1 bedroom type thing by the way. Oh, and that rent will go up by the maximum allowed a year, in my state its about 10% So yeah it gets expensive quickly. Again, this is just the cost for yourself and maybe your wife if she’s ok living like a broke college kid. Oh, and when you do have the child, you need another bedroom right? Check out how much that costs.
Day care costs: Let’s face it, the work from home blarney (cough plandemic, cough, cough) is finally ending. That means you cannot have the baby getting free daycare at home anymore. Get ready to face reality as daycare very conservatively costs $250 a week, likely closer to $350. Add those costs up and suddenly your rent looks cheap. Oh, what’s that you’ve got a second kid on the way!….grab the lube and your ankles this won’t hurt a bit. Don’t believe me, it’s not cheap.
Lack of maternity/paternity care: I’m not talking about getting 6-9 months off here, and not with full pay either. I am saying most businesses offer no or a laughable amount of time off for new mothers/fathers. A friend of mine gave birth and was told “report back to work within 3 days of returning home.” Yeah, she works as a dental assistant. Nice. Her boss even went a step further saying, “back in my day, the wife was a stay at home mom.” More on that horrific statement later. Again no one is saying both parents get half a year paid vacation… but maybe a little empathy here? Cite my household expenses earlier if you need more proof. The kiddo(s) are going to need regular checkups (quite a few) and will likely be getting sick a lot as daycare/preschool is essentially a virus petri dish, so you will need flexibility to take days off. It won’t happen as the system is set up now.
A second income is needed just to survive: The days of only 1 person needing to work are long gone, they are over. Again, cite my expenses above, and try doing that on a one income household. Oh, the kiddo is growing so you will have to constantly be buying new clothes, toys, car seats etc. Hopefully one or both of you have parents in the immediate area to help with the kiddos because you are going to need it. Oh, and by the way, the baby boomers have cut things back over the years, you are going to struggle just to get by.
Baby boomers ruined it: They compare the younger generations to themselves, they put themselves through school… news flash (not the cable TV kind) it was a hell of a lot cheaper for tuition and cost of living was much less. Benefit packages at work included ones actually decent, not garbage, bare bones health plans and crummy time off arrangements. They can afford a mortgage just fine because they locked in a cheap 3% mortgage rate, when they had no kids mind you, because they bought/refinanced 7 years ago. 50K a year used to be a good paying job, now its barely enough to tread water in this economy/world.
Trump’s $5,000 payment to people who have a kid is moronic: Let’s be honest here. The type of people attracted to this kind of thing will be folks at the lower socioeconomic end of the spectrum. I’m not just talking about minorities here and don’t we have enough single parent households as it is? A child born into a low socio-economic situation is very much likely to end up in jail or have a life on the streets. The parents are not going to consider this money to help the child they will do it to spend on themselves. Keep in mind $5000 is also not incentive to get the upper middle and upper class to have kids. Technically those are the ones we need to have kids, not the folks at the bottom of the spectrum.
Planned “Parenthood”: Aborting the number of babies we have been didn’t help at all. It actually hurt; it encouraged rampant sex without marriage. No planning at all, just fun, promiscuous lifestyles. Now we are living the end result of allowing numerous babies to be aborted on demand.
Reality is, this has been brewing for a while, increased costs for the younger generations, plus stripped out career opportunities added with bare bones benefits has caused this. Young people now are graduating with damn near $100k student loans, add in the $500 car payment, $2500 rent, groceries, insurance, incidentals and viola a perfect storm. Now imagine tying the knot with someone who owes roughly the same. Now you owe combined student loans that damn near match the amount I borrowed for my house, I got an asset, you got a sheet of paper! Have fun paying all that off while having a kid(s)? No surprise we are where we are. Baby boomers… you created this mess, hopefully one day we get out of it.
On Tuesday, April 22nd, my wife died. She hadn’t eaten anything in six days and was living on a few juice popsicles in the days prior to that. The last few days were a blur due to my lack of sleep, but I will recount what I can.
As always, this blog is more for me than for anyone else.
My father-in-law arrived in Idaho on the same date as my last update, Sunday April 13th so I will pick up the story from there.
He was here about an hour and then pulled me aside and said I don’t think she will make it to the end of the week. I told him that I would call the children. I sent out the “Bat signal.” Those who have seen the vintage 1960’s television show will get the reference. The eldest and her husband arrived the following day (Monday) and the middle child on Tuesday. Junior didn’t arrive until Sunday (Easter).
Monday, my wife (on oxygen at the time) got out of bed and refused offers of help to go from the bedroom to the couch in the living room. This was a distance of about 25 feet. As she neared the couch, she did a face-plant on the floor. The O2 line in her nose ripped open both nostrils. Blood was gushing from both sides of her nose. We stopped the bleeding by rolling up tissue and shoving it into both sides of her nose. Later she developed bruising around her right eye and nose. She looked like she had been in an MMA fight. Had she not quit taking blood thinners a week before, this would have been a disaster.
As I said, food consumption was about zero from this point forward. Once the daughter and spouse arrived, the son-in-law did make a food run. They bought mom sugar free popsicles! My wife took about one bite, and she was done. Yuck. That was the last solid food or food of any kind that she ever ate. Why in the hell anyone would think of buying sugar-free popsicles when you know these were the only calories she was getting is beyond stupid.
Anyway, the daughter and hubby did rent a car, so they went the next day to the airport to pick up the middle child.
After her fall, the wife was using a mask for oxygen. My wife has very labored breathing. She could say only a word or two and then would have to pause before trying to say another word. As the week went on, she began using hand signals to communicate.
Her SPO2 (blood oxygen saturation) began dropping. Normal readings are 95 to 99 percent. Hers was in the 80’s for a few days and then fell to the 70’s. Just for reference, a blood oxygen reading of 75 is the same as basecamp at Mt Everest (~17,500 ft above sea level). In her last few days, all readings without O2 were between 72 and 77.
Per the Internet, you should call 911 if you have a reading below 90. Readings like my wife’s begin to cause organ and brain failure after five minutes. On Friday or Saturday, she decided to refuse any more O2.
On Saturday, Sunday and Monday nights, I stayed up with her. Saturday night she was up from about 1 AM until just after 4. That night, I distinctly remember her saying, “Do all you do”
And me responding, “to the glory of God.”
This is something we said to our son every day before he went to school; up until we knew of his open rebellion against God in his last year of high school.
It was her heartfelt belief and one she tried to instill in our son. I know I cried when she said it. As it turned out, for the final time.
On Sunday night she was up from 1:30 AM until about 3. On Monday night I was up with her all night.
Her last night went something like this: She wanted to move from the hospital bed to the wheelchair about 11:30 PM. She said that she wanted to go outside. I wheeled her to the sliding glass door and then opened it. Per our weather station, it was 34 degrees outside. I told her it was too difficult for me to move the wheelchair outside. We looked out for a few minutes, and I remember closing the sliding door. Together we looked at the view. I said to her:
“There is our swing.”
“There is our deck.”
“There is our apple tree. “
“There is our yard.”
“There is our levee.”
“There is our town.”
“There are the stars.”
In her weak voice she said, “I am ready to die.”
I cried.
We then moved to the couch. I had to help her from the wheelchair to the couch. This was not too difficult since she had lost over 160 pounds during the course of this four-year cancer ordeal. I stayed with her. Sometimes I tried to give her medicine, sometimes I rubbed her back (the cancer in her bones and muscles caused her much pain; especially in her lower back), sometimes I was just her pillow. That was her favorite thing, just resting in my arms. Her breathing was labored. You could hear junk in her lungs that she was unable to cough it up. About 5:30 AM, her dad came into the house. I gave him a brief turnover and then went to bed.
The next thing I knew, he was frantically calling for me. I went into the Livingroom, and he said she is dying now. She would take a breath and then nothing would happen for about twenty seconds and then she would gasp again, followed by another long pause. After a few minutes of this process being repeated. She was very still. Tears welled up in my eyes. I told her that I loved her. She gasped again and then was still. A huge tear came from the corner of her eye and dripped down the side of her nose. Upon seeing the tear, I knew two things with certainty, first, that she loved me, and second, that she was dead. As this was happening, I glanced at my watch. It was 6:46 AM on April 22nd.
Later I was looking through her phone and noticed that she had sung at Carnegie Hall in New York City on April 22nd 2024. Yep, one year to the day from singing at Carnegie Hall she had died. Her death was three weeks to the day from entering hospice. At the time it didn’t seem so, but her death was rather quick.
Sheryl in Carnegie Hall April 22, 2024
Below are quotes from things that Sheryl had written about her cancer journey.
The first is an excerpt from a text thread with ladies at our church that were praying for her.
“Reading through all this, it struck me that suffering can lead to contentment and grace. Bill will sometimes sit down beside me as I am coughing or “suffering.” He will rub my back and say, “Poor Sheryl! My poor wife…! I stop him and say, “Honey, I’m am NOT poor! I’m so blessed! I have God, You, and so much support. It is amazing to feel His love in my life.”
“Suffering brings us to an acknowledgment of the wonderful blessings of His grace.”
Sheryl and Bill Tolson celebrate Valentine’s Day 2025
The next is a dream that she had back in February. In our 21 years of marriage, she only wrote down two dreams. This was the second.
My Dream 02/25/25.
I was standing with Bill and Dad and several other family members under a wooden gazebo surrounded by huge oak trees. It reminded me of the area around the Orinda house. I had my Jeep keys in my hand, and I got in the car and drove away to go to a Women’s clothing store tucked up in a heavily wooded fern-filled garden canyon. I had to park in a strange spot that was up a large branch of a tree.
The store was filled with many dresses and I picked a pretty floral one easily and put it on. I walked out the other side of the store. The door opened up on to a huge grassy, wildflower speckled lawn. Across the lawn were spread many tables with people all sitting around visiting and talking together. Behind them was some sort of large one story building. My thought immediately went to Grammie and Grandad’s backyard.
I walked onto a clear area of lawn and heard music beginning to play. I realized it was the opening notes of Climb Every Mountain, and I began to sing. My voice was full and perfect. I could feel the notes floating up into a sparkling blue sky as I sang. I knew I was singing to His glory! I knew this was His garden, His house! I hit the high note at the end with such perfect brilliance that it seemed to shimmer. When I finished, I could hear murmurs from the crowd, “That’s Sheryl! She’s here! That’s Nancy’s daughter! She’s Amy and Alvin’s granddaughter!”
I turned and headed further across the lawn where I saw my mom. She gave me a huge hug and said, “That was beautiful! I love you!” I said, “Mom! I can sing again!” She laughed and said, “Of course you can!” We walked over together to a gazebo area similar to the one I left earlier. I could see Bill standing there. I walked up, handed him the keys to the Jeep and said, “You will have to go get the Jeep. I parked it in a strange tree. I love you!”
And I woke up crying happy tears!
In Bonners Ferry, Idaho, we had a public viewing of Sheryl on April 25th and a funeral on April 26th. She was transported to Sacramento California on April 29th and was buried on May 2nd next to her mother in Elk Grove.
At her funeral service, I read her dream just as it appears above and then read the following.
Sheryl Tolson public viewing April 25, 2025
Remembering Sheryl
By Bill
I used to tell my wife that I married the richest girl that I ever dated. Having all of you here is proof that I was right.
Whenever my wife would complain about something I would reply, “When I get to be your age honey, I’ll find out.” Since I was a year older, this often got her upset, but I really had fun saying it just to get a rise out of her.
Last night we had our final date night. It was called a “public viewing”, but it really wasn’t. It was my last time to see her in the flesh. I wanted to spend one last evening with my bride of almost 22 years. It was bittersweet but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
She didn’t have much to say but that was OK. We remembered the excitement of meeting for the first time, our first kiss, the first time she let me meet her kids, of course this only happened after I had been vetted by a group of her most trusted friends. Then there was the night we went to dinner with Tommy and Kendall, and I proposed to her. It was December 7th, always a memorable date for us veterans of the US Navy.
We were married on Friday the thirteenth in a little church in Vacaville California. It was a hot June night in two thousand three and everyone was sweating. We took our wedding vows using the Church of England’s 1662 Book of Common Prayer where Sheryl was glad to say that she would “honor and obey until death do us part”. It’s no surprise that Sheryl kept her word. In turn, I promised to love her as Christ loved His Church.
Early on, we had a few rough patches along the way, especially the two miscarriages which were balanced with the joy of her giving birth to our son, James.
It might surprise you to know that I rarely ever called Sheryl by name. She was called by her titles “wife of my youth”, “my bride”, “mommy”, “honey”, “bride of love”, and things like that. In fairness, James was often called “the boy of love” and Bob the dog was our “love dog”. Love was just part of what we did. Oh, behind her back, Sheryl did get called “management” on select occasions, but I think that is allowed by the description of the Proverbs 31 woman.
During our marriage, there were many road trips that we took. Some were just for fun, but many were to find a new place to live outside of California. Our road trips were sometimes over five thousand miles in two weeks. We saw lots of country, but in the end, it came down to Bonners Ferry where we bought two acres of land in 2020. This part of Sheryl’s story most of you know, at least in part.
Last April, Sheryl went with a group from Bonners Ferry and sang at New York’s Carnegie Hall. It was a dream for anyone that loved music as much as she did. A month later she lost her voice and knew something was very wrong. It was then that she learned that the cancer was back with a vengeance. In the next months, Sheryl experienced many rounds of radiation and chemotherapy, but treatment was unsuccessful. Sheryl was placed in hospice care on April first and died three weeks later, ironically her death was on the one-year anniversary of singing at Carnegie Hall.
At the end, just a few short days ago … or was it a lifetime …she was gasping for air. It was clear that each breath might be her last. Crying, I told her that I loved her. She then struggled for one last breath and then the biggest single tear, that I ever saw, came from the corner of her eye and dripped down the side of her nose. When I saw this, I immediately knew two things, she loved me, and she was most certainly gone. It was 6:46 AM.
So, there I was last night, mulling over these and other thoughts. Mostly, I was just missing her. Trust me, I kissed her several times when I thought no one was looking; after all, it was our last date.
In the last few days, everywhere I look and everywhere I go, I see her or some memory of her. In marriage two become one but in death, the opposite happens. The oneness is violently ripped apart.
Today we send my beloved Sheryl off on her final journey, a journey that ends with her body buried next to her mother where she will await the reunion of her soul and body at the end of history. Farewell my bride. It was my great privilege to be married to you and I’d gladly do it over again in a heartbeat.
Sheryl’s Grave in Elk Grove, CA
Only a memorial service remains as part of the farewell tour of my wife and our marriage. What is next is beyond my ability to see. Yes, I have ideas and aspirations of how I might move-on in my life but… I’m old enough to know that what I want and what God has in store for me might be different ideas. Other than organizing the house, I’m not sure what follows. God is good and has a plan. Funny how these words sound familiar. Kinda reminds me of someone I knew.
