Yep, me having a girlfriend is too much for the board at my church. I have been summoned because they are “concerned.” Please understand that this is not a casual chat. No, all the voting members are scheduled to attend. Two members, including one that lives almost 400 miles away, are scheduled to attend via Zoom.
I had asked for an informal setting, like maybe over a burger and beverage of your choice but learned that was not an option. If chatting is all this meeting is about, then a casual setting should be in order; however, I have been led to believe that they have other plans. I was assured by one board member, “I’m not up for excommunication just yet” or words to that effect. It was implied that lesser punishments were the likely outcome.
I also asked, why not meet after Christmas? Why the urgency? I was told sorry; we need to do this now.
Given my 35 plus years of experience in and around California Republican politics and the CRA, I know when you are about to reenact the Ides of March. Oh, FYI, in religious politics, it is called “churchmanship” not church politics.
I have had about ten days of waiting for this confrontation. In that time, I have gone over the likely issues that might be raised. Frankly, I don’t see any grounds that can be raised to summon me there. I have tried keeping three board members, including the pastor in the loop of what is happening, specifically for the purpose of avoiding this very action. Clearly my request/promise to him “to give me the grace to get through this and everything will be ok” has not been honored.
I already have a good idea of the likely issues that will be raised. Since June I have been probing various members of the board on their thoughts on various issues that I expected to encounter while hunting for a wife; this was long before I met my future new bride.
What they don’t understand is that I am working through the plan that was formulated about the time my wife was buried in May. Like any plan, once the battle ensued, field adjustments were necessary, but the plan has gone forward, and a successful conclusion is within sight.
I have always been looking for a wife. I have only been looking for marriage minded women, not a quick romp in the sack, or a movie night date. As mentioned, many times on my posts about dating, as a group, American women in the 40 years and older category are a mess and mostly a toxic bunch. I don’t want to finance their mistakes in love, student loans, credit cards, etc.
Zero people that know me or my wife have offered me a single name, no matter how ridiculous, to ask out for a date; but when I fend for myself and pick a nice Christian woman all hell breaks loose. Clearly, they don’t know of anybody or I think, as much as everyone is trying to be in my business now, that I would have heard from them. FYI it’s too late now, I found my next wife.
Two more things have been bubbling out about the church fathers wanting to make me an offer that I can’t refuse.
One is related to the idea that it’s too soon to get married again. Says who? Oh yeah, a bunch of married people gladly giving a single guy the advice not to get married. Guess they don’t want me to suffer by being married like they are. This tells me that they aren’t too happy about having a bride. Just sayin’.
Sorry I loved being married and would do it again in a heartbeat. I find it really sad that Christian people have such a hangup on the idea that marriage can’t be fun. Biblically, it is our proper role in the universe so why not enjoy it? (Can you tell that Charlie Kirk is not influential in these circles?)
Second, right before my road trip to the Philippines, my pastor hands me a tract on grief. If I didn’t know better, I would say he was talking to my mom. I read said booklet last night. It covered no new ground or anything that I hadn’t heard before. One nugget in there was the timeframe for people grieving: three months to one year. As stated previously, I have known that Sheryl would die for four years before it finally happened. My wife and I countered down the last time we will get to have a birthday, Christmas, New Years, Valentines Day, etc. The private hell that I went through was horrible and I don’t wish that experience on anybody, but to deny that I have been dealing with the loss is beyond stupid and borderline evil.
The richest irony in all this is that my attendance at this particular church was due to my wife. Going to this church was her idea and literally the only thing left in my life that we used to do together. Now the church wants to take that away from me too, in part because according to them, I did not grieve her properly! All I have left in my weekly activity that I shared with my wife is being forcibly removed from me at this Wednesday (tomorrow) meeting. Ironically, by the church where she wanted to worship and set down roots. WTF?
I have easily lost over 40 hours of sleep in the last week trying to find a way to solve this mess. I finally settled on a solution today. I won’t tip my hand as to what I chose but I have peace about Wednesday’s meeting.
My biggest frustration is that I like many of the people involved in this ill-conceived intervention. They are about nine months too late to have a talk with me. Just because they mostly left me alone when I was grieving, and therefore didn’t witness it in vivid detail, doesn’t mean it never happened. Lastly, none of them have walked in my shoes but dare to know better! Really? I thought the Good Book covered that topic too.