Folks William’s blog about the sinless attacking him is par for the course these days. This is Baby Boomers trying to attack folks through straw man arguments when things do not go according to plan.
The key is to fight that fire with gasoline! Here is how.
Folks there are 3 types of parents.
Disciplinarian: You chide your kids each time they screw up or go off routine. This works just fine until said child gets a car or goes off to college. They rebel and things go south quite quickly as they realize when the parents are not around, they can and will do anything they please with no repercussions. This isn’t terrible but eventually leads to problems if not corrected.
Traditionalists: The parents give their children all the tools to succeed, intervene, when necessary, but mostly are there as “guardrails” as opposed to being a helicopter parent. This is the category I was in; I positioned myself for success getting a full ride to college, my sister chose a life of crime. My parents did try; she does not want to change.
Helicopter parents: Or “friend parents” as I call them. These parents want to control their kids’ lives and mold them after what they couldn’t be. There will be no consequences because if they don’t like the teacher’s grades, they will go to the principal. If that fails, it’ll be a phone call or letter to the school board. Coach won’t play my kid, they go to the athletic director. The parents: defend, coddle, and make excuses for said children at every turn, the kids never hear the word “no.”
If you still cannot figure it out, options 1 and 3 listed above are the problems in today’s society. In option 1, the kid will rebel, and if they do not find issues or consequences with their behavior, it will get worse not better. In option 3 why should your kid apologize? They did nothing wrong; their entire life has been sheltered and enabled so why apologize? Rather than choosing things like counseling, let the person go down the path they are going down. Sure, you won’t like the journey, but in my experience that’s the only thing that can cause someone to wake up.
In the case of my sister, listed above, the reality of the situation was shared with me by my parents. They stated after the age of 30, people are set in their ways, they won’t change. They are both dealing with health issues; they have bigger things to worry about. They fully believe their daughter will come around someday, but she must hit rock bottom. Folks, for some people, bottom doesn’t have enough rocks to stop them. My parents shared that they think it’s equally likely she winds up in a ditch and they get a late-night phone call to come “identify a body.”
If you think that last sentence makes me not a real Christian; ok, you are entitled to an opinion. Go ahead try to be “captain save a ho” and spend your years left on earth trying to fix people. We’ve spent tons of money on homeless solutions…. Nothing has gotten better. Ditto with mass transit, and other objectives, you cannot fix some people/problems. They can only fix themselves. Trying counseling or an intervention just gives that person what they want, it’s not my fault it’s yours.
So how do you fight fire with gasoline?
Easy, it requires thinking about yourself and your own wellbeing. Your problem kid wants to move back in? They do it on your terms. If drinking, drugs, and not having a job aren’t allowed, they better conform or they can’t return to the house. It’s your house, your rules, do not compromise. Once you start deviating, the child catches on and will push more and more. Remember the book you read as a kid, If you give a mouse a cookie, he will want a glass of milk. It never ends.
Let history be the judge of your parenting. You can always say “what if” later on in life, a child going off the rails doesn’t mean you are a bad parent. Look at the negative influence the television and social media has on all young people. Thank God I am not on it!
The bigger thing to take from this blog is this, why are you letting folks judge you? It is your life not theirs. The people judging you are likely miserable. So your girlfriend is overweight? What’s it to them? You aren’t married, have no kids? Again, are YOU happy? They make fun of your friends, yet they have none of their own. Trust me when I say this, their kids are doing worse than yours. It’s called being shallow and extremely insecure. They are trying to attack someone else’s castle when they have many problems in their own. Oh, they make fun of your choice in women? I truly hope they are dating a super model! News flash; they aren’t. Make fun of me for not being married? Sure, I also see you and your wife arguing in public, I wonder what the drive home is like.
Folks, who cares what your friends think about you, they should always be there for you…. If they are judging you, they are not your friend. You will be living with the person full-time, not them. If all they see is looks/financial situation/work title they are shallow as hell. I guarantee you they are not happy.
In closing I’ll say this. William, screw what the Boomers think about your parenting style, who cares?
Yeah, the 90-day guy attacks me, as do my extended family. I’m 40 now, no wife, no kids. I will admit I am an easy target for folks who believe in some weird game of life. Trust me when I say this, the guy who is married making fun of your girlfriend, has a treasure trove of porn on his computer. Oh, when people make fun of your friends saying they’re fat, spend too much, or what have you, I guarantee such a person is a loner. Kids do not talk to you? That’s a reflection on you. So, am I missing something or inadequate? No thanks. I’m good. My house which I paid 300K for is worth about 600K, my stock picks are worth about 500K, I have about 150K in cash equivalents. Trust me, I’d take my life over yours. Money isn’t even a thing to me, I gave away 35K last year. But trust me, you are doing better than me, I’m the inadequate one, your trophy wife, what happens when she is no longer a size zero? Better go on one of those weight loss drugs, right? As she ages, better get a boob job and a butt job, right? Seriously William, read the blog a few times. If that discussed above is happiness ….. no thanks.
The Chief