As the year drew to a close, I have become more reflective on events of years past.
Folks, I have a strained relationship with many in my family as a result of their coddling of my sister. One thing that always bothered me was my sister could never do anything wrong in their eyes. They send her money to pay for her “influencer” lifestyle and think she will eventually turn it around, she is 38. At major milestones for my parents such as Christmas, Birthdays etc. I am treated to my parents saying they “just want 2 good kids.” I have always viewed this as a major slap in the face.
I am completely sustainable on my own. I own a home, have a great paying job, and have saved enough that when this job inevitably goes away, I can work because I want to, not because I have too. My sister on the other hand is a convicted felon due to her drug trafficking. Oh, and while on felony probation, she got a DUI in a crash on the way to the airport to fly home. Yes, she couldn’t even hold off on drinking until she got home. She suffered no consequences, no jail time, and very minimal fines. Oh, she still gets to live in San Diego, and my understanding is her apartment is near Coronado (high rent district). She has the perfect life. When we had family functions, I noticed family drifting toward her and away from me, they made their choice! I am the black sheep/persona non-grata.
I have gotten over it, it took some time, but I needed to realize I cannot control how other people think.
The wisdom I want to pass on?
1. Get the toxic folks out of your life. Not having a relationship with my 19 aunts and uncles (including spouses) was tough at first, just like not conversing with my 27 cousins (not including spouses) was hard at first. It gets easier over time; I don’t have Facebook or any other social media and honestly care not to hear the family gossip/goings on. It’s a relief! Trust me. They gravitate toward my sister for a reason, she has never seen a bottle of wine she couldn’t finish, when consequences do not exist, you continue your college days well into your late thirties.
2. Join groups and clubs to fill in your time but be wary of the folks who inhabit them. I made friends with William, thought I was friends with the Sith Lord, Sue, Terry (rip), Jared and others…. Boy was I wrong. I changed my voter registration to No Party Preference and viola, suddenly contact was cut off by the above group. Sith Lord and I were a 2 lunch dates a week kind of friends, then it was over. Sue walked right past myself and a friend at a political function last year. I know she recognized and saw me, because she turned her head quickly as to not make eye contact. Jared? I wrote him a letter of recommendation to be Executive Director of the County Party; he got the job and had no more use for me. Oh, he and the above cast of characters ran a fraudulent voter registration program… kinda sounds like a Democrat operation, right? All William and I were to them were errand boys. Oh, the kicker, they gave Jorge Riley an award after he was arrested for his role in storming the capital on January 6th and filming and posting it to the internet. Riley is the only person there that day that admits to purchasing a weapon specifically for the event. Riley never assisted with GOTV calls, or precinct walking, and there were rumors of having kid(s) out of wedlock and not being the greatest about paying support… but hey, at least he is registered Republican! My wisdom? Look at folks in volunteer groups with a jaundiced eye, you are likely just cannon fodder to them.
3. Limit your time in front of the TV. This one is easy; I harp on it a lot. Most of the shows on TV are behind society’s decay this day and age. Rioting when you don’t get your way, sleeping around while married, and viewing fantasy as real life are big problems. Folks, the real world, is not depicted on the TV, it’s fantasy land. Nowadays, TV consists of people screaming hot takes, whether it’s politics, sports, or gossip to get higher ratings. The problem is, it also gets whackos to do irrational things, such as killing Charlie Kirk, killing the Democrat elected in Minnesota and injuring another, attempting to kill Trump… the list could go on. TV, as a whole, is very unhealthy right now. Matt Dowd (colossal loser btw) said dumb stuff on TV and that indirectly led to Charlie Kirk being murdered. Sure, Dowd denies all culpability, but in my mind, he is just as guilty as the shooter. My wisdom? I cancelled cable 8 years ago after a bad breakup with a girlfriend. The first couple weeks were a little tough, then I realized that I do not miss it. Better yet, I came to realize my life was revolving around “what was on TV” as opposed to dealing with the real world. I’m better for it; you will be too.
4. Limit your use/consumption of vices. This one is pretty simple, but it almost got me. Gambling, drinking, and drugs are all bad for you. All three are very expensive hobbies to take up and will lead to wrecked lives. I have a friend whose parents dissolved their marriage after 30 years due to one person’s gambling addiction. She literally spent all the money from both paychecks each month. They couldn’t pay the mortgage. They were a retired prison guard, and retired state worker. They had money, not broke folks trying to “double their paycheck on red.” Drugs are a rough habit and got my sister in deep legal trouble. I failed the bar exam, if you know, you know.
5. Be true to yourself. Again, this sounds simple, and it is, yet I know several folks who refuse to do it. Being true to yourself just means be who you are, don’t try to be someone you are not. This is the root cause of 90-day Guy’s “mental health issues.” When you tell a different story to each person you see and take on a different persona in every room you walk into it’s very hard to keep the story straight. Worse yet, you stumble up and tell the wrong person the wrong story contradicting what you said in the past. Imagine the mental gymnastics going on in his head, constantly wondering what story he told who and how to keep the gimmick going. My wisdom? Be who you are, quit trying so hard to be someone you are not, and don’t you dare blame mental health.
6. Stop blaming other people for your own mistakes. I know it’s easy and fun to blame a person who is not in the room. Heck it’s even in style these days. These people are the worst; it’s never their fault, always someone else’s. I have witnessed these folks blaming every friend they have, even their own spouse, for something that is their fault. They are insecure and love pointing the finger. They think it’s a genius idea, but they couldn’t be more wrong. My wisdom? If they are throwing other people under the bus in front of you or have nothing good to say about other people in front of you, you are getting the same treatment from them when you aren’t in the room. Proceed with caution.
7. Stop comparing yourself to other people. One thing I have found out is the “very hot girl, with the boyfriend” both seem so happy. You imagine that you want that for yourself. Then you find out they are not happy at all. Outside of the bedroom, and her being hot to show off like a trophy, they are not happy at all. I noticed a couple at my gym, they seemed happy and close. Well, she is pregnant and now he doesn’t look so happy. I am sure things will work out (pun not intended) but the lack of rings on either’s finger tells me they gambled in the bedroom and got (un)lucky? And as a result, they will be parents and may not be ready or so much in love anymore. That person driving the expensive car? Well, they likely have a very high car payment each month, how long can they afford the payments? The guy who claims to have a huge bank account, yet his card is declined when paying for lunch/dinner? Yeah. My wisdom? 2008 taught us a lesson, we didn’t learn (or is it lear?) anything.
People were living a lie; it has started again. Be happy with what you have or better yourself. You never really know how happy that other group of people is.
8. Don’t dwell or even remember the past in your life. You can learn from it but bringing up things in a sense of woulda, shoulda, or coulda is not healthy.
It’s also very irrational. Gas was cheaper last week. Well, you may not have needed it last week. Ditto with food and other items, it’s in the past let it go. Dwelling on that doesn’t change anything. Life events happen; regret should never be a thing. My wisdom? 2 things. When I failed the bar exam, the best advice I got was from someone I barely knew, he said “get into a car with a gas pedal, no mirrors, and no brake pads.” Why? Keep moving forward in life, don’t look back and do not stop. Dwelling on the past likely leads to anger, hatred, and other unnecessary things. One thing I live by is “a setback is a set up for a comeback.” Don’t make the same mistake. Rebuild your life and things will be fine. My favorite thing about this came up a couple weeks ago. My old roommate called and reflecting on our past in college he said “man you should have approached ______ she was gung-ho about you, and you passed? How come.” My response was simple, I was fixated on someone else at the time, enough said. As far as had I approached her, let’s just say everything worked out. She is a specialty nurse who works in SF, makes quite a bit of money and has 3 kids. Seems like a no brainer, right? I screwed up right? Wrong. Sure, the money would be great, kids would be great, I would be miserable living in that area. I would never have crossed paths with the friends I made in politics or church in this area where I live. That is why I do not look back on my life and psychoanalyze everything. I think for myself, I do not need to impress my friends.
9. Get God in your life.
No, I’m not saying to start quoting Scripture or standing on the side of the road trying to “spread the word of God.” It’s about right vs wrong and good vs evil. If you have some sort of religious guidance in life, you will see that what I am preaching in this blog is pure common sense.
The Chief