This is my personal blog, and I need to vent. I have written numerous posts (probably about two dozen) over the last six months that I have not actually posted. But I’m gonna break from that practice and stick this on the record.
As stated previously, my wife died in April. After much searching, I found a woman worth pursuing all the way to the alter. Instead of being happy for me, many people have made it their life’s work to start attacking me. Sadly, this included people in my family and church.
One vector of attach is that my lady lives outside the United States. My response is so what? I took a look at the available women in the US, and they are a sorry lot. The pickings are slim to none.
I can’t remember what I have posted before but I decided early on that I have no interest in marrying someone that looks like my grandmother. That was a sound and good decision. Why? Because women in my age group that are single, by whatever reason, have zero interest in getting married again. All they want is to dote over grandchildren. They will not move one block further away from the grands and certainly not to another state to live with somebody like me. Leave and cleave is not part of their world.
This leaves younger women. I’m talking in this category of women plus or minus 40. I want the option of having more children so babes in their fifties are not on my radar, plus see comment above on grand kids.
Folks the amount of baggage that many of these broken women have is lethally toxic. Joint custody, student loans, careers, social activities, etc. They either don’t really want a husband or have so many restrictions that they impose on the relationship that it will never work. Many have their mortgage, car payment, and career and then want to add a husband in much the same way as they would add a wardrobe accessory. They are not serious about marriage, at least not as defined biblically. They are so poisoned with feminism and our consumer culture that they are unhealthy to be around. It is not unusual for a woman in this demographic to start their evaluation of a man’s fitness by the car that he drives and the man’s financial statement. They require that any man in their life be able to pull out his credit card and fix all their past mistakes. I’m not making this up.
Statistically, women in their thirties don’t want to get married. Less than half are even interested and that statistic may really be as low as 34 percent. And that doesn’t mean that the marriage minded 34 percent are actively looking. Our culture is over the cliff of demographic suicide. Why do you think Charle Kirk kept saying start a family? Have children.
Contributing to this abysmal condition in the church is the prevalence of the broken and failed evangelical theology of premillennial dispensationalism. Jesus is coming any second so why plan for the future? Most Christians don’t believe there is any future. It’s all gonna burn and we are just passing through. Just ask them. Why get married and have children if you believe the world will end any second. Yes, this doctrine is bullshit and heresy. I know adherents will complain about my analysis but it’s true and I can prove it. This is why eschatology is a primary issue not a secondary one.
I have spent months scouring Christian Singles websites, allegedly populated by marriage minded women, for any signs of someone wanting a serious relationship and came up empty. My criteria were simple and realistic, but detailed. Zero takers. I even pivoted from the United States to searching for single Christian women anywhere on the planet. I expanded my search into Europe, South America, Africa, and Asia.
Believe it or not, many of the Christian websites that I tried do not list the ages of the women or the ages of men that they would be interested in meeting. I had some nice chats with a few women between 25 and 31 but we agreed that they were too young for me. I thanked them for chatting, wished them happy hunting, and parted ways.
I decided more radical action was needed in order to be successful in my search. In August, I joined a site called Christian Filipina. Wow!
There’s an old story about someone asking a thief why he chose to rob banks. He replied, “because that’s where the money is.”
Christian Filipina is like the bank. It is chock full of real women that want to find husbands. In one day on Christian Filipina, I met more woman than I had on every other singles website I had tried combined. Of course, the cost of the website is one reason that it is so good, but I highly recommend it if you are serious about being marriage minded.
Because my lady is not from the United States, I am getting a ration of crap from some people. I’ve surveyed the dating screen in the United States and its really crappy.
Oh, lastly, NO. Since my wife died, zero people have suggested a single female for me to take a look at as a possible mate. Bye the way, I’m OK with that. I just wanted to mention that to make the point that people will gladly complain about my choices, but they really are not interested in helping me, they just want to bitch and criticize me only to put me down.
This brings up the other attack vector that people are using against me. These attacks are cruel, evil, and none of their f*cking business. This is the “you haven’t mourned enough for your dead wife” line of crap.
First, how the hell would you know?
Funny how these people tend to be married, with a currently living spouse, trying to tell me what I should do. They have never been through it but somehow are self-appointed experts in what I’m going through. They are totally inflexible. Their minds are made-up. Somehow, they know best.
I have zero respect for folks in this bucket. If you feel this way, please keep your mouth shut. By opening your pie hole, you make yourself a fool and I don’t want to be around people that feel this way about me or my wife ever again. Please just remove yourself from my life so I won’t have to do it later.
Look, I know people say stupid stuff to those suffering cancer or having lost someone to death. I know, I used to say stupid crap too, but I know better now. But the line, “you haven’t mourned enough” is out of line. Even if you feel that way, keep the opinion to yourself and don’t go repeating it to a widow or widower.
I knew for four years that my wife would die from her cancer. How f*cking long must I mourn?
I’ve been mourning since the day I heard the diagnosis and looked it up on Doctor Google.
I knew it both times that we worked on our last will and testament.
I knew it when we chose to move to Idaho.
I knew it when we watched my son graduated high school.
I knew it when we somehow were able to come up with the money to send my wife to sing at Carnegie Hall.
I knew it when we sat down at our last Valentine’s Day meal. We both knew that there would never be another.
I knew it when she was placed in hospice care.
I knew it when her dad and I watched her die.
Please don’t ever say I haven’t mourned enough. That is a lie, and I won’t have it said in my presence. If you really feel that way about me then please get the hell out of my life because I don’t need you in it.
I have some people that I thought cared about me that are gunning for me for stupid reasons. Please stop. If you can’t be happy that I have found love again then shut up and get out of my life. If you don’t then I will remove you from it myself.