So, on Sunday last week, while over for dinner, my father told me his cancer was back. Prostate, that he had treated 13 years ago. He shared that the survival rate was 13 years so it was kind of expected that it would return. I was told it was very treatable, and it was caught early enough that essentially it would be defeated again. This is not to say that things can’t go horribly wrong. Again, reference the timeline, it was this past Sunday.
Thursday comes around, and prior to dinner my mother (who appeared 10pm drunk at the early hour of 6pm) while my father was on the phone told me, “The cancer is very aggressive and chemotherapy treatments are starting Saturday, as in the immediate weekend.” Maybe it’s just me, but why start ASAP when it’s not serious? Like really serious? You would think most starting ASAP likely have extremely unfavorable diagnosis and likely are fighting Father Time. My father then declared he wasn’t going to let anyone know who wasn’t an immediate relative… well, I guess that’s his prerogative, but leaving people in the dark doesn’t seem smart, and likely causes more stress later. My father also said he doesn’t want people crying here or calling him with wild and whacky things to try to remedy the cancer. What? I thought it was very treatable? Hair on fire treatments and fringe internet “cures” are what happens when hope is lost, I thought?
Fast forward to Saturday, he heads off for chemotherapy and my task was to cook. I received a text message early that afternoon saying my sister was in route from Southern California. Seems odd she would make this trip if everything was Hunky Dorey fine right? Oh, she is in town for 3 weeks, again something seems very off here. My father also said he will not be telling his mother as he doesn’t want her to worry about him… yet he told his 5 siblings? Does he think they won’t spill the beans? My father’s side of the family has more drama than all major networks carrying soap operas have combined.
Sunday was a whole different experience. My phone was blowing up as word had spread like wildfire. Folks I haven’t spoken to in my family for years suddenly wanted to know about his condition and since I live 3 minutes away, I was the one to call. I obviously had zero info, but it sounded like the story they got was completely different from the one I got. Now its chemo through the month of November, a far cry from “7 treatments.” Also, my mother who accompanied him to said treatment started oddly using strange “legal disclaimers” after each question she was asked by me. “Your experience may vary” “Every person is different.” “We sincerely hope we caught it early, but things happen.” It sounds like a whale of a tail I was told.
To put a bow on this, I feel strongly I have been given a best-case scenario, with the hope of “he will run with this info and do my bidding for me!” I have been asked over the last 3 months if my father was ok as he was losing weight. He is wearing shorts/pants that are a good size or two too big for him, and his belt now appears as if he got it at Goodwill for a buck and they only had one size, XXXL. He still has a large appetite, but that could just be a front when I am coming over. He has traveled outside the country for the first time in his life. 2 months ago…. He never had a desire to leave the US. Could this be a “bucket list trip?” I’m not sure. What I do know is he is suspiciously silent and somehow everyone knows what is going on except for me. It seems odd he wants no one to know yet tells his siblings that essentially act like the world’s megaphone, everyone within earshot will know. Then I am being forced to tell a favorable story that is also likely not true. Summoning my sister was a warning sign that things are not what they seem. My mother’s “drunk person’s words that night, were a sober one’s thoughts.” I got a version of the story run through a filter several times to make sure it put me at ease.
I have a sneaky feeling that the next update may be planning for life after my father. I am not sure why they would not be honest to their oldest offspring, but such is life I guess. I hope I’m wrong but sadly things are not lining up that way.
By Johnnie Does