This post is about willful ignorance and my frustration with it.
Folks, over the last year, I have been crystal clear about the intricacies of navigating the legal and ethical dilemmas that I have encountered in my relationship with my special friend. The basic frustration that I have is that Americans tend to think that the whole world works by the same rules, laws, and rights as our own country. This is clearly not the case.
The old adage of my parent’s generation has often been stated as, “My house, my rules.” Somehow though, many people don’t think that this saying is relevant to countries other than our own. Every political entity has its own unique laws, regulations, customs, assumptions, etc. Our country may have common borders with both Mexico and Canada but trust me, both places have different laws, customs, languages, food, etc. than our own.
The common assumptions that undergird our country are things like English Common Law, Protestantism, religious liberty, freedom, and rights proceeding from God, etc. But what happens when you are forced to interact in a country that never based their culture and society on these things? Is it reasonable that they will see the world just as we do? My answer is “NO.”
Why was George W. Bush’s idea of nation building in Iraq and Afghanistan folly? Establishing democracy in an area that had no concept of individual rights was ridiculous. It had to fail. Folks, at least one lesson here is that imposing our culture and attaching expectations upon someone with no concept or appreciation of our values is stupid and can’t work, yet we continue to do it.
Ronald Reagan talked often about men yearning to be free but if that is true then why are so many in our country yearning to be led and enslaved by socialism and communism? Like Orwell’s 1984, they are screaming that “slavery is freedom.”
The answer to the above is that Reagan presupposes that the society is Christian while the Communist presupposes that humanism, evolution, and atheism are true. Different folks have different worldviews and assumptions that undergird their view of society, culture, and nation.
The problem that I face when talking to people about my situation with my girl is that they have no frame of reference to understand the situation but the one they are living in. Frankly, it’s a lot like talking to someone who is immersed in Premillennial Dispensationalism. You can show them a verse that disproves their worldview, but they can’t see it because they filter it through their presuppositions and can’t read the text on its own merits. As mama used to say, “It’s like talking to the wall.”
When I explain that my girl is eligible to marry me, folks can’t grasp the concept. The church in her country has declared that her marriage is over, she is the innocent party, and she can marry me. This should be the end of the discussion, but it doesn’t compute to people here. “How can the church declare anything about marriage?” they any ask.
The presupposition is that the State is in charge of marriage. My question is, “Where in the Bible do you find such an idea?” It clearly says in the traditional marriage ceremony, “Whom God has joined together, let no man pull asunder.” God makes marriages not governments.
Governments claimed the right to regulate marriage—at least in this country—about 120 years ago as a scheme for generating tax revenue for local governments not because God changed His mind. Yes, if you like then you can go back to the Supreme Court cases about polygamy in the late 1870’s but my point still stands; government claimed the power and churches were silent on the power grab. This silence by churches does not make the government overreach a legitimate act. Later government decided to allow tax benefits based on marital status. Further strengthening their hold on matrimony and thus its dissolution.
If government owns the power to create marriages, then it only makes sense that they remove the church’s power to end such unions as well. Naturally, the power to dissolve marriages also fell to the government and their brethren in the legal profession.
I think most folks will agree with my basic thesis about marriage in the United States, but what happens when you interact with a country that knows no such thing as divorce? Their presupposition is that marriage is in fact created by God and divorce is anathema in their society?
This question, boys and girls, is the hinge that takes you to a place that you can’t comprehend. A place with no divorce. The only way out of a marriage is to prove that one partner is defective and incapable of making a forever vow before God. Such a finding must be made, not in civil court, but before a trial judge with a full-blown court proceeding. This place is not a parallel dimension or gateway to the Twilight Zone but another country. Here you need to act in accordance with someone else’s laws, culture, and way of doing business. This ladies and gentlemen is what you encounter once you leave the borders of your home country; the good ole US of A. Welcome to the world of my girlfriend, the Philippines.
- In the Philippines, divorce is illegal.
- In the Philippines, a husband and wife agreeing to dissolve their marriage is illegal.
- In the Philippines, adultery is not grounds to end a marriage.
- In the Philippines, abandonment is not grounds to end a marriage. (Technically, the Philippine Supreme Court, via legislating from the bench, added abandonment as grounds for ending a marriage but no one has actually litigated a case on these grounds due to expected pushback by the legislative branch of the government. No lawyer wants to be the first to try such a case.)
- In the Philippines, abuse is not grounds to end a marriage.
The Philippines is one of only two countries in the world where divorce is illegal. Vatican City being the other. (FYI the United States did not recognize Vatican City as a country until 1984.) Instead, the legal process to end a marriage in the Philippines is annulment. As stated above, a court trial is mandatory. The process for a simple annulment is six to twenty-four months. A complex annulment—meaning children, properties, and acrimony between parties—can take as long as five years.
Annulments are very expensive. Based on average wages earned per month in that country, we have thus far spent about 28 months’ worth of wages to get where we are in the process. Our next stop should be the trial court. Depending on which Internet search you wish to believe, we are two to five months away from completion of the process. Oh, thus far, we have been at this for a good eleven months.
Due to the cost—financial and in time—most people in the Philippines cannot afford the annulment process. This is why there are only about ten to twelve thousand annulment cases per year out of a population of 80 million or so souls.
Folks the only other routes for ending a marriage in the Philippines are a declaration of annulment by the Roman Catholic Church or divorce via Sharia Law. Both these alternatives cost more than the legally prescribed route for annulment, and neither is available for my girl as she is a Protestant.
If I chose to live there, I could simply marry her in her church and then live together without the expense of an annulment. However, I want to bring her to the United States. Since our government regulates immigration rather stringently, they demand that my girl present either a marriage certificate issued by the Philippine government or proof that she is eligible to remarry.
While I dispute the government’s claim to regulate marriage, I do acknowledge their right to regulate immigration. (Yes, biblically immigration should not work like it does now but that is a topic for another day.) Since the power of the sword is being used to ship people home for violating US law, I must recon with the current rules whether I like them or not. Thus, I am paying for the annulment process to clear the way to initialize the US immigration process.
The situation is this, per the church located in the Philippines, I am allowed to get married. Said marriage will not be recorded with the government but with the church. Said church has acknowledged the innocence of my girl as well as her eligibility for marriage. Once we exchange vows, we may live together, have children, and be members of the church in good standing.
Folks, there are a few different things in play here. First, Protestants only have limited recognition of their beliefs in the Philippines. Second, the Bible is only partially acknowledged as authoritative by the Philippine government. Clearly divorce is biblically allowed in some circumstances even if not allowed by the government. (See Ray Sutton’s Second Chance.) Poor people are more adversely impacted by the annulment laws than rich folks. Since justice cannot be had without money, the people there have found ways to skirt the system.
I’ve previously blogged about income and inaccessibility for women stuck in a bad marriage. If the husband is hell bent on fornicating with every wench at the local watering hole, the reality is that the wife can’t do anything about it but raise her voice and hope he doesn’t raise his fist in retaliation.
So, the bottom line is that I can get married in the Philippines but until government paperwork catches up with reality, I am unable to bring my spouse to the United States.
Folks, I’m to the point now that I am willing to record said marriage with the Philippine government as soon as I can just to get all the self-righteous folks here in the United States off my back about this whole deal. I was hoping to have a legally recorded wedding here just because it is a shorter wait to get a fiancé visa, but now I don’t care. I’m ok to let all the paperwork happen overseas just to get it over with.
Closing remarks
When I visit another country, I am expected to go by their rules. I think that concept should be easy to understand. That being said, my actions should always conform to Scripture. What should our response be as Christians when biblical law is illegal or ignored in a country?
Church and State are separate institutions created by God. Part of the issue being discussed here is what our response should be when the State gets itself involved in the affairs of the Church? Does the Church just roll over like it did for Covid-19 or does it fight to keep charge of what has been entrusted to her by God? Truthfully, the American Church is very willing to abdicate its role; especially in deference to the civil authorities.
Most Christians were wrong about Romans 13 and Covid lockdowns. Sadly, too many folks are in agreement that Caesar is really Lord of everything except your soul, and you ought to consider giving that to Jesus. Somehow the supposed shepherds of our souls like to keep singing “Have thine own way Lord” to the State instead of Christ.
Folks, yes, I’m just one guy, but the issues at play here are macro worldview issues. If you would just quit imposing your American cultural presuppositions onto me then maybe you can see there is more going on here than at first glance. It’s just easier for folks to throw me under the bus than to look at the issues.
It’s simple to me. When I am in the Philippines, I play by their rules, when I’m in the USA, I play by the rules here. Ignorant people want to project their presuppositions onto the whole planet because they are intellectually lazy. The bottom line is that both countries have areas where they fall short of biblical standards. I’m stuck in between them and eventually I will have to satisfy both to get my lady friend here one day.
I promised my former pastor that if he would give me the grace to get through this process that he would be happy with the end result. We parted ways because he didn’t like watching the sausage getting made. It’s his loss and perhaps yours too.